Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Music Monday – The Boxer

August 15, 2016

I’ve decided on a 70’s song for today’s offering – The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. Although it tells the story of a boxer from his arrival in a big city as a young boy to his career as a fighter and beyond, there are things mentioned that are similar for most of us. I found this very excellent article on the song, meanings, and how Paul Simon wrote it. I like information like that because it rounds out the song for me. As I’ve mentioned before it’s not just the tune, it’s really the words that draw me into a song. I have included the extra stanza that is usually only performed live, but I wish it was in the original song because it really completes it. With all that said, let’s go on to the song with my notes.

I am just a poor boy
Though my story’s seldom told
I have squandered my resistance
For a pocketful of mumbles
Such are promises
All lies and jest
Still, a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest

When someone tells their life story they know so much more than when they started out. Humbled (or hardened) by life, they can understand now what they couldn’t at a younger age. I am at that point in my life now – beginning to see things a little clearer now. So much truth in those last two lines too. What’s that thing about hindsight? Ugh.

When I left my home and my family
I was no more than a boy
In the company of strangers
In the quiet of a railway station
Running scared
Laying low, seeking out the poorer quarters
Where the ragged people go
Looking for the places only they would know

Lie-la-lie . . .

I like to think this song takes place in the early 20th century when boys did often leave home quite young for many reasons. This boy probably ran away from home, and he knows where to look for help – with the people he is acquainted with due to his station in life. The poor and ragged ones. I understand some of that. The times when we have had very little money, it was so much easier to go to stores where most of the people were poorer too. There is a camaraderie there and I feel like I have friends in those places – friends that don’t give a crap how you dress or how much money you have but know the struggle you are in.

Asking only workman’s wages
I come looking for a job
But I get no offers
Just a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue
I do declare there were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there
Lie-la-lie . . .

This is the way it was for many immigrants in the early 20th century, and of course for most men in 1930’s during the depression – looking for a job but finding nothing. For a man, it is a heavy burden not to have a job to bring in money for your family or just for yourself to live on. Almost a disgrace. Harper Lee described the depression in these words: “There was no hurry, for there was nowhere to go, nothing to buy and no money to buy it with”. Some people might think it terrible that this man engaged with prostitutes, but don’t judge, unless you walk in that man’s shoes you don’t know how crushing loneliness like that can be. This man was looking for companionship where he had none and found it in the only place he knew to go.

Now the years are rolling by me
They are rocking evenly
I am older than I once was
And younger than I’ll be
But that’s not unusual
No, it isn’t strange
After changes upon changes
We are more or less the same
After changes we are
More or less the same

Lie la lie…

Okay, here is the stanza that’s left out of the recorded song and I think it was a mistake. This is the part that connects all of us to this song. And now that I’m in my 50’s it has much more meaning. Although for me the years aren’t rocking evenly, but the narrator is probably talking about after retirement and he’s looking back and accepting the aging process. I am beginning to accept my getting older, but I have been looking back a lot lately to earlier days trying to hold on to what’s been and wondering if maybe it’s time to let go of some of it. I especially like the line “that’s not unusual” speaking of getting older. In other words aging is a normal process. We ALL get older and all that goes with it – that’s the way life is.

Then I’m laying out my winter clothes
And wishing I was gone
Going home
Where the New York City winters aren’t bleeding me
Leading me
To go home

Here we have circled back to earlier days and probably the boxer is fighting in cheap fights because he has to make a living. He wishes he could go home, but he probably knows that it’s impossible now. While I don’t live in a northern state, I do know of some winters here that were brutal and I get the gist of those lines. And again, it’s about life when it isn’t going well – wishing we could go somewhere else but realizing we must stay because this is our home now and we must still live our lives the best we can.

In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the fighter still remains
Lie-la-lie . . .

When I hear these lines I see the boxer – the man – standing in the ring with his hands raised to his face trying to protect himself in a fight. He is angry and hurt inside and out. Sometimes he wants to leave but he won’t – fighting is “his trade”. It’s become part of him and he’s in it for better or worse. Some of us also stand broken and bruised by life and wanting to quit sometimes, but we know we’ll stay for the long haul. We know there will be better days so we keep on going.

I want to mention the actual music here – simple like the boxer, reminiscent of the 20’s or 30’s. This is what makes a song great – the music ties in with the lyrics in a very powerful way so we get the full meaning of the song and it engages with us on a very personal level. A lot of Simon and Garfunkel’s songs are like that – powerful words with simple but evocative music.

So that is today’s Music Monday. Please take a moment to listen to the song – it is worth the time. And sing along if you already know it well.

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Book Report

August 5, 2016

Well, apparently I have read a lot of books already this year – 25 to be exact and working on a few more. Geez! I don’t know quite how I’ve done it, but glad I have! I suspect it has something to do with the reading glasses I bought earlier this year.

I decided to track my reading this year because I’m not sure how much reading I’m doing for me outside of what we do for homeschool. What a surprise eh? So, I thought you might like to know what I’ve read and am currently in process of reading. It’s in chronological order with a few notes. (Note: No links – I think you’re all old enough to look them up on your own if you so desire :-D)

What I’ve Read:

1. The Life Giving Home by Sally Clarkson

2. Freedom to Love by Fr. Emmerich Vogt

3. Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton

4. The Sharper Your Knife the Less You Cry by Kathleen Flynn

5. The Kitchen Counter Cooking School by Kathleen Flynn (I really think these two books are what propelled me forward to reading this year – I read both in about 2 weeks time)

6. Spark Joy by Marie Kondo (Okay, didn’t read it all, but enough to take away the gist of her program)

7. The Hours by Michael Cunningham (First novel I’ve read in quite a while – I also watched the movie)

8. Large Family Logistics by Kim Brenneman (Had to do an interlibrary loan – it was also a physically large book)

9. School As A Journey by Torin Finser (I had wanted to read this for YEARS and wish I had read it when I first saw it)

10. The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris (I actually annotated this one – so much to think about!)

11. Wifey by Judy Blume (Found it used, hadn’t read it in 20 years at least – forgot how raunchy it is – heh)

12. Ladder of Years by Anne Tyler

13. Whatever Happened to Molly Murphy’s House of Fine Repute by Jaffie Tayar

14. Who Are You Supposed To Be by Darren Stone (Another reminisce of Molly Murphy’s)

15. How to Really Love Your Adult Child by Bob Schultz

16. How to Be Lovely: The Audrey Hepburn Way of Life by Melissa Helstern

17. Happiness is a Warm Puppy by Charles Schultz (a beautiful reprint in all it’s original glory!)

18. Yes, God! by Susie Lloyd

19. Lace by Shirley Conran (A blast from 30 years ago reprinted! However I did not remember it being 750 pages!)

20. Mercy In the City by Kerry Weber

21. Humans of New York by Brandon Stanton

22. Humans of New York Stories by Brandon Stanton

23. Little Humans by Brandon Stanton

24. Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder

25. Little House on the Prairies by Laura Ingalls Wilder

What I’m In Process of Reading:

1. French Kids Eat Everything by Karen Le Billon (For parents, but I could actually use these ideas for me)

2. Invitation to Solitude by Ruth Haley Barton (this I’ve put off for awhile – it’s a DEEP read/practice)

3. The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris

4. I Hate to Housekeep Book by Peg Bracken

Maybe at the end of the year I’ll return to give the full list of my reading for the year. As it is, I feel quite satisfied but I also don’t want to think about it too much and let my interests lead me where they will. Otherwise, perfectionist me will get caught up in what I should read next and I won’t read anything.

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Living in a big city

August 4, 2016

(I thought of a much better title for this post, but, because I’m old, my brain purges everything the minute I think of it.)

If I started a bucket list, this might just be the first item I put on it – to live in a big city again. Either that or live in a small city where there is plenty to do and places are accessible without getting in a car.

See, I live in a small town (some people call it a city, but I don’t – it’s not a city by any stretch). A small town where all the mom and pop grocery stores folded when the big boys moved in. There had been a little grocery store right down the street from where we live which our neighbors tell us was great. They could easily get what they needed by walking and, when the kids were older, they could go to the store for mom. Now? We have to get in a car to get to any grocery store – most people here do. A few are lucky enough to live within walking distance of a store, but we aren’t. We also live close to two of the busiest roads in town which mean you almost get killed just trying to cross those streets because everyone thinks they’re driving on the Autobahn. And in a terrible twist of fate, our one and only bookstore is getting axed because the chain went out of business. That means the closest bookstore is 60 miles away. Swell.

I’ve been reading the Humans of New York books (and also a recent post on Dinner A Love Story – long, but worth the read) and just yearn for all those wonderful places to eat, museums, parks, interesting stores. Sure, big cities aren’t ideal for everyone, I realize that, but for me it just sounds idyllic.

I lived in London for 5 1/2 years of my very young teen life. I didn’t realize how great it was then (maybe a little) because I took a lot of it for granted. Until I moved back here. That’s when I realized what a great thing I had lost. In London, all the food stores were a short walking distance away from our flat. My mother took her trolly-on-wheels and went shopping most every day. There was a bakery, a produce store, a butcher shop, a fish store, and even an old timey candy store (my favorite besides the bookstore of course). Fresh food all the time! She rarely went to the two little supermarkets because she knew she could do better by going to all the other places. They probably knew their customers by heart as well. I think she was terribly lucky.

There was also a lot to do within walking distance and plenty you could get to by public transportation. You didn’t need a car! The parks, theaters, restaurants, the yummy smelling coffee roasters. Oh, and the walking tours we took in school – those were awesome! So much history to learn about and a lot of it right in your own neighborhood! It wasn’t a perfect time, but looking back on it, it was pretty sweet.

So, all this to say, I might actually start a bucket list and put “I want to live in a big(ger) city” on it. Dream on!

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Another Circle – Another Season

August 3, 2016

Four years ago I wrote two posts – one was a send off to my third son who was off to college. The following post was about the song The Circle Game by Joni Mitchell. Well, four more years have come and gone and that son who went to college? He is now about to embark on the next journey of his life – 1500 miles away to a new job and a new life. But that’s not all! My fourth son who just turned 20 yesterday is moving out today – luckily only across town – but still…it’s moving out. He is also ready to go out to meet the world apart from the family. It happens. My mama heart is really hurting though. Even more transitions are coming this year and I’m not sure my heart won’t break.

While I haven’t put together a big send-off post for Steve (yet), I want to go back to The Circle Game and post those words again. When Chris moved out, Steve was in his 16th season so this song was so appropriate in so many ways. I cried a lot of tears then too. You’d think I’d be better at this letting go thing, but when you are a mother, it doesn’t get any easier, it’s just a hurt you have that you can’t really explain except to another mom.

The Circle Game

Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like when you’re older must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car wheels thru the town
And they tell him take your time it won’t be long now
Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There’ll be new dreams maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

-Words and Music by Joni Mitchell

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Weekend Gallery

July 24, 2016

We’re halfway through summer and gearing up for another school year soon. Hopefully to be followed by cooler fall weather as well. I can’t really complain though, before last week’s heat wave, we had almost two weeks of rain almost every morning. Definitely better than some previous summers we’ve had! Anyway, I have been snapping away and here’s the fodder from those sessions.

First we have some microwave popcorn called Mallow Magic that is supposed to taste like Rice Krispie Treats. Uh…oookaaay. I think I’d just rather make the treats. Although it was intriguing, I didn’t buy it.

Continuing in the food vein, here we have three “milks” in various flavors. I didn’t show these to son #4 because I was afraid he’d actually get these – he did the last time I found some. UGH.

Now here’s something that’s actually cool – a sushi set for your Barbie! No, really – they now have all kinds of little extras like food, cooking utensils, beauty supplies, new accessory sets, and on and on. Very cool! I would have loved these back in the day. No matter where we were on vacation in the States, I always sought out the toy department just to look at the dolls and doll clothes. There used to be a lot of wedding dresses to choose from too, but no more. I really wish Mattel would bring back a good assortment of those. With all the new goodies and the Barbies in real girl sizes – it’s getting good again.

Oh dear God, I can’t believe Sandra Lee still makes things. Here’s a magazine that you can read from one end to the middle and then flip it around and do the same to see “recipes” of almost 300 cakes. Don’t even get me started on her cake wrecks. Sure, I’m not good at it myself, but at least I make my cakes and frosting mostly from scratch.

At last – I found a cup that is completely me! Why yes I AM the Frap Queen – every stinkin’ summer. Bahahahahaha! I have to say, however, I’ve been going back to Iced Coffees lately and enjoying them again. The newest one – Iced Coconut Mocha Macchiato (which probably has a thousand calories in it) – is really good. They’ve been running out of them early in the day this year though so everyone else likes them too.

And that’s a wrap. I’ve got plenty more pictures so I’ll be back next week for another edition of Weekend Gallery.

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Music Monday

July 11, 2016

Today’s offering is a song from 1982 called Words by Missing Persons. I think this song is even more relevant today than it was back then considering all the “social media” we now have. Back in 1982 there were no cell phones, no Facebook, no Twitter. We had to actually go somewhere with someone and talk with them or we called them on an actual phone plugged in a wall. Ah, those were the days.

There was a commercial called “Rediscover the Lost Art of Getting Together” and it was about someone in a kind of museumand the “exhibits” showed people doing things together way back in the “old days” (you know, like the 80’s or 90’s). Without all the distractions we have now, we usually reached out to others more often. Now, reaching out involves liking someone’s Facebook post.

I’m not saying all technology is bad. I’m saying, we need to be careful how we use it so we don’t put ourselves in a box and never see anyone or tell anyone how we really feel through real and honest conversation.

Anywho, before I start going down a rabbit trail, I’ll just get started on the actual song.

Words by Missing Persons

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care

My lips are moving and the sound’s coming out
The words are audible but I have my doubts
That you realize what has been said
You look at me as if you’re in a daze
It’s like the feeling at the end of the page
When you realize you don’t know what you just read

Yep, I’ve talked with people like that and yes, I’ve done it too. Sometimes the kids ask me if they could do something and apparently I say “yes” and I don’t remember. Ooops. Still, I try to be there. The last few days the kids and I have been having some awesome conversations about things and it has been so rewarding! I know sometimes it’s difficult to listen to some people, but it’s a skill we can all cultivate. It means a lot to the person talking.

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talkin’ at all

Even truer today than it was back then. Oh, and while I do have a “smart” phone, I barely use it. The computer is still my domain and yes, there are days I’m on it more than I should or I use it to withdraw when stresses get to me. I just need to replace it with something more productive like exercise or maybe cracking out that dusty scrapbooking stuff.

I might as well go up and talk to a wall
’cause all the words are having no effect at all
It’s a funny thing, am I all alone

Yeah, I’ve had those “conversations”. That’s a whole ‘nuther post though.

Something has to happen to change the direction
What filters through is giving you the wrong impression
It’s a sorry state, I say to myself

And this is just it – why am I talking to you if you’re not listening, if you’re not commenting, if you’re not validating?! I was talking with my hair stylist a month ago and in tears over some things going on, and she actually validated everything I had said. No one had done that for me and I felt like I had finally been heard.

I bought a book called “The Relationship Cure” and it is about this very thing – really listening and really talking which equals a real conversation which makes a real relationship. I’ve been a broken record to my kids telling them the same thing – if you want to have a relationship you have to do the work, you have to talk about stuff, you have to listen, you have to act.

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talking at all

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care

Let me get by
Over your dead body
Hope to see you soon
When will I know
Doors three feet wide with no locks open
Walking always backwards in the faces of strangers
Time could be my friend
But it’s less than nowhere now
Less than nowhere now
Less than nowhere now
Now
Ow ow ow

Hmmm, not really sure about this except the “let me get by, over your dead body” which could mean “let me through, I’m done, you don’t care anyway” and leaving. I think the “doors three feet wide with no locks open” might be about people who seem to be open, but really they aren’t. I don’t know. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what someone is trying to say, and sometimes it’s not what you think they’re saying in a song anyway. Let me think about it.

Pursue it further and another thing you’ll find
Not only are they deaf and dumb they could be going blind

No one notices, I think I’ll dye my hair blue

This made me remember a time when I cut my hair. By myself. Don’t ask. The funny thing was, I ran into a friend of mine the day after I did that and she said, “Oh you got your hair cut! It looks great!” I laughed my ass off because it seriously did not look great. I think people do things like that because when words fail to get attention, what’s the next thing you do? Act out. Kids do it and some adults do too because they feel it’s the only way to be heard. And often it doesn’t do any good anyway.

Media overload bombarding you with action
It’s getting near impossible to cause distraction
Someone answer me before I pull out the plug

I don’t watch the news anymore because it does become a distraction – a stressful thing that is hard to deal with. So, pull the plug – on social media, on tv, on radio – whatever it takes to bring you peace again. I’m still trying to move towards an Unplugged Sunday – hopeful I can still make it happen some day. I think it’s also a more serious meaning – feeling like no one is listening and that no one cares. Another reason we need to take the time for those who really need a friend.

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talkin at all

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talkin at all

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care
tell me what are words for

So, give the song a listen and if you watch the video (and you’ve never seen it) be forewarned, Dale Bozio, who sings, isn’t wearing much. I always thought of her as the “Bubble Boob” lady. And I think that’s part of the whole feeling of this song as well. And the guys wearing makeup? Um, yeah, we just did that back in the 80’s and it didn’t mean a thing. Just another form of expression or, maybe in this case, part of the performance. Enjoy!

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Weekend Gallery

May 22, 2016

It’s time for a new Weekend Gallery! I’ve taken quite a few pictures which should be enough for the next couple of weeks or so. Enjoy!

I know since we’re heading toward the 40th anniversary of the Star Wars movie next year and they released another one this year there’s going to be new stuff on the shelves but mascara?? I mean – what’s the point? It colors your eye lashes – big deal! And colored mascara? BTDT. Yeah – not new people.

These I just don’t understand. Kind of reminds me of the Big Shoe Dance in Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure though. :-)

Sending thank you cards is always a nice gesture. However, make sure you send these to someone who appreciate’s bawdy humor. I laughed my butt off when I saw these.

They have boxes of apple crisp topping mix in the store (which makes zero sense), but now you can buy individual crisps in the canned fruit aisle! My original stance still stands – making a fruit crisp is incredibly easy! Yes, even individual ones. *smh*

Hey, I’m all for truth in advertising, but this is a carton of milk people – do you really have to add that it contains milk?? I’m sure if you have a milk allergy you will not even go near the milk cartons so this is just…just. Le sigh.

And this last one is a Hall of Fame picture – a 1979 Corvette! I love Corvettes (What? I haven’t ever talked about this?!). It’s my very favorite car. I’m not much on the new ones though, it’s the older ones from the 70’s that I love. They had so much more uniqueness and still had the signature round brake lights. There are about 2 of these old beauties in our town and I see them every once in a great while. I always sigh when they go by on the road – a great blast from the past.

Well, there you have it for this week. Join me again next week for more of the interesting and insane to be found around.

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Still Here

May 21, 2016

I thought I’d better say something like “I’m still alive” in case there is anyone out there wondering. I just really haven’t had time or the inclination to write anything for the last month. Sure, I’ve written a couple of possible posts, just haven’t finished them and posted. My heart is heavy due to a kid graduating from college and he will be moving 1500 miles away in three months. I am working through that. I am physically and mentally exhausted and feel like I’m going through most of my days in a fog. I have decisions to make that I’m not making and things to do that I’m not doing. It’s an odd place to be, but not really sure I can put my finger on exactly what is going on. So, I’m just going with burned out. To a freakin’ crisp. I do have a zillion new pictures for Weekend Gallery fodder so maybe I’ll do that tomorrow. At any rate, I’m here, but in some ways I’m not. Oh yeah, and sorry for it’s being just one paragraph but burned out people just don’t give a crap about grammar sometimes.

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Feeling Better

April 20, 2016

We’ve all been sick…again. Bleh! This time a nasty cold virus wound it’s way through the family and, as usual, everyone got varying shades of it. The good news is – we’re all feeling better now and getting back to a more normal life after two weeks of this. Hopefully that’s it for awhile.

I started the morning off feeling pretty good, then kind of sad. To get out of my mid-morning pity party, I cleaned myself up, threw some laundry in, and while I was waiting for my clothes to get done I gave myself a little manicure with this – the hydrating kit. Then I played some Animal Crossing on my DS. I also pulled a menu plan together for the rest of the week which is great because that’s one less thing I have to think about. I need to get a 4-6 week plan going. Really.

After lunch, I went shopping. First I went to K-mart to try on some of the cute shirts I saw – didn’t really like any of them. Well I did but I just didn’t like them on me. Oh well. Then, I went to Starbucks to get a frapp and an almond croissant. To finish, I went to Walmart to do some last minute birthday shopping for son #5 (we’ll celebrate on Friday). I managed to find a cute nightgown and robe set for under $20 while I was there which was awesome.

I came home, called my mom, and made meatloaf, potatoes, and peas for supper. I feel like even though it was a rocky start, the day turned out quite all right. Glad to be feeling better.

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Steady and Stable

April 13, 2016

I found two more words to add to my vocabulary:

Steady:

firmly fixed, supported, or balanced

Stable:

not likely to fall or give way

Balanced, steady, and stable seem to be interrelated. First there must be balance and then we can be steady which leads to being stable. We’re firmly fixed in place. Our habits, our emotions, our lives.

Today, at 9am, I was still in my pajamas and robe awaiting my clothes getting dried so that I’d have something to wear when I got out of the shower. This is how I was years and years ago and I never thought I’d go back to that place, but here I am at 53 and it seems things have come around in a circle. I’m not sure why that is. But I do know what the imbalance is and I need to move things from one side of the me scale to the other until I achieve a more balanced life.

One key thing I need to practice: self discipline. I have to make up my mind that I am going to do some new things and I’m going to stick to doing those things until I do them every day. And if one way doesn’t work, I’ll come up with a new way until I find what works for me.

I read somewhere recently that women of my mom’s generation (and before her) just did what they were supposed to do. When one woman asked her mom how she managed to take care of a home and raise several children the mom said, “I don’t know. I just did it.” I think that’s what my mom’s attitude was too. I’m going to get back to that. Which leads into what Master Yoda had to say about trying:

“Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

I’m down with that.

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