Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

What I Read in October

October 29, 2018

To start with, yes, I am still reading my Bible – that is ongoing and I plan to continue it. Over the summer I did a Psalms study which focused on only 20 of them so it was a lot easier than trying to get through all 140! I also went back and finished the Wisdom books which I had started earlier in the year. In September I read Judith, Esther, Ezra, Nehemiah, and Tobit. Then, I began the Minor Prophets – Baruch, Hosea, Joel, Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephania, Haggai, Zechariah, and Malachi. Before you get all amazed, know that the Minor Prophet books are mostly very short and can be read in 1-3 sittings depending on how you’re feeling.

I also adjusted my spiritual reading as well. I’m using Read Your Way to Heaven loosely but substituting books I find to be easier and more satisfying to read. They are also easier in applying the principles to your life. And it all goes along with the Bible reading as well. So, in September I read Little Sins Mean A Lot by Elizabeth Scalia. Ah – there’s a woman I can relate to! And it’s not a book to read and put away, you can keep this one on your nightstand for help when you know you’re falling into again. Then, I decided to pick up Divine Mercy For Moms as it is similar to Little Sins but goes a step further to tie into mercy and also gives ways to live out the Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy for mothers. It was a good read with plenty of ideas to put into practice no matter if you’re a mom of littles or an empty nester.

For a novel, I read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley which has been on my list of books to read for quite a while. One of my daughters read it, another is reading it in her English class, so it was a good time to join in. If you’re only familiar with the movies, you’re going to be very surprised by this book. I won’t give anything away except to say, it is less about horror and more about morality, spirituality, and the dignity of the human person. And it reads very quickly which is amazing since it was written in 1818 which means the book is 200 years old this year. I blew through it in a week so don’t be afraid to try it.

I also read a very fluffy book for girls called The Mother Daughter Book Club. It was okay but the ending was so over the top, and some of the rudeness was actually condoned, so I don’t think I’ll read another one. None of my daughters goes in for this kind of stuff either and I can see why. Kind of like eating 10 chocolate bars in a row.

So, that’s what I read this month. The plan for November is to read Isiah after the Minor Prophets which should bring me up to Advent/Christmas (it’s a long book) and then read the Gospels and New Testament again which should get me to June of next year. For spiritual reading it will be me “A Plan of Life” by Fr. Roger Landry.

One more thing – if your library has an inter-library loan program, try it! I was able to borrow “The Inviting Life” by Laura Calder, which our library does not have, for only $3 for shipping and I get to have the book for a month. This is my 3rd time to borrow a book this way and I like it.

Okay, I think that wraps this longish post up. If you comment, let me know what books you read in October or your future book plans. In any case – keep reading!!

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Losing Consciousness

October 21, 2018

I was watching a rare interview with George Harrison last night (apparently it was his last one four years before he died), and he talked a lot about being conscious so I decided to see what it means to be conscious:
- Aware of and responding to one’s surroundings; awake
- Having knowledge of something; aware
Well, that got me to thinking – how often have I been truly awake and aware lately? Not much. I live a fairly solitary life being a mother and homemaker which also means being on auto-pilot a lot of the time. Housework, meals, parenting – days can go by without much awareness of them at all or feeling like you’re actually alive because you’re busy all the time instead of aware. A kind of loss of consciousness which I think happens to many of us no matter where we work or what we do. It also happens when you are depressed – kind of like that time loss I mentioned in a recent post. So sometimes I feel like I lost consciousness somewhere along the way in the last 10 years and that I’m slowly waking up. Does that make sense? Yes it does.

The question is how to become conscious again? I think it starts by being more aware of living your day. Watching the squirrels outside your back door. Taking a shower and just enjoying that shower with nothing else on your mind. Enjoying time talking with your family around the dinner table and really listening instead of jumping in to talk. There are many ways to be in the moment so there is just not one right way.

So, as I continue waking up and try not to mourn the apparent loss of time that depression and other worries took from me, I’m taking the time to become more aware of and take more part in life. It’s where I need to start to really live again.

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Girlfriend Wanted

October 7, 2018

I think about this often – how I need a friend – but unsure if at 55 it’s really going to happen. I never had many friends throughout my life and the ones I thought were my close friends turned out to have more issues than me. I let go of those toxic relationships, but haven’t found anyone since who I connect with.

Now, all that said, I’m on a first name basis with the ladies at our library, and I talk with the older ladies who cashier in the grocery stores. So, I do get some girlfriend type time in through that. And I think it helps – when I’ve talked with people throughout the week I don’t feel as lonely. Until I need someone I could text or call to commiserate with or talk through a problem. Or just because I’m bored and could we meet up for a coffee or a walk? Those are the kinds of friends I’m missing from my life.

So, today I thought about what I would want in a friend? First off, I want someone who enjoys reading books – real books. I don’t get into ebooks at all. And maybe a beauty guru too because I’m a beauty junkie. Winding down from that but still enjoy it just the same. And someone who can be immature once in awhile – like laughing our butts off in public over something. Because, you gotta stay young somehow right? Someone who also enjoys hanging out in coffee shops and eating good food and the occasional glass of wine.

I want someone who doesn’t just talk about themselves either but we talk and listen to each other. Not trying always to get a word in because the other person shuts you out all the time. Granted, I do have an interruption problem, but I think it comes from years of never being able to get a word in with other people so I feel I have to get it all in instead of listening. I probably should work on that.

I want someone who I can be me with, but not share all the parts of me (or them) because there are some things I just don’t want to share anymore. I don’t want a therapist, I want a friend.

I thought I knew what a friend was, but I don’t think I know. In older shows and movies and books you see relationships but how real and honest are those? I think thirtysomething came closest (of course), but with social media now I don’t think we understand what being a real friend is all about. People older than me do and maybe it’s to them we should look to for answers.

So, there it is – I need a friend. I’ve been praying on that one a lot lately, but it’s a scary proposition. But the older my kids get the less they want to talk with mom because they’re pulling away. So, it’s time to get a girlfriend. If you have any tips let me know!

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Buy Less Month

October 5, 2018

I know a lot of bloggers go on about a “no spend” month, but you can only really do that if your pantry is full and so are vehicle gas tanks. For the majority of us – especially those of us with kids – I don’t think it’s possible. What I think is easier is a “buy less” month, and I’ve decided to do that for October. The buy less seems to fit the Back to Basics theme as well so it’s a good time for it.

For starters, my makeup and skincare stash is a little full at the moment so I’ll go back to “shopping the stash” until those things are gone. Although, I’m almost out of foundation and there is a deal at Ulta for one I like, so I’m going to get that and put it aside until I’m ready for it later this month.

Next is food. I do need to make a meat run and add in shopping the perimeters of the grocery items with only a few canned or frozen basics tossed in. That’ll keep meals a little healthier but it will also allow the things I already have to get used up. I like to do this from time to time and then, when everything is pretty well gone, go on a pantry filling trip. I actually enjoy doing that kind of shopping. :-) However, if I need milk or bread or something else, then I will buy those things. It’s not all or nothing here.

I’m going to add books and things of that nature on the buy less list too – I have full shelves plus a library where I can even get loans from other libraries around the country. No need to buy anything else. Except the new issue of Family Circle when it comes out. :-P

And it’s Friday! I’ll get what I need to get done in the day so I can chill and relax tonight. I’ve still got my Friday night ritual going so that’s on (along with a mini bottle of Chardonnay). My daughter got a new movie for her birthday and we may watch that as well since we’ll all be home. Looks to be rainy for the weekend so I might do some baking and give our new oven a real workout then. I’ve really missed baking!

Soooo, Happy Friday and hope your weekend, wherever you are, is a good one. Be back soon.

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October – Back To Basics

October 3, 2018

I was cleaning out a planner and ran into my Back to Basics housecleaning list that I came up with years ago to try to stay on top of the everyday stuff. I was probably in depression at that time, so this was a necessary list. It helped keep me on track until I got sidetracked again and thought maybe some other way was a better way. Then, I was looking over some old planners for some information and kept running into the same stuff about housework and taking care of myself that I’m still trying to do today! Sheesh! So, it’s time to get it going and get back to basics!

So, to start with I’m using one of those reward charts you’d use for kids and put a sticker on each day that I hit a self care goal. Hey – why not? I need the accountability and I need to see I’m making progress. So, this checks both boxes.

Then, I’m going back into my BTB housecleaning list as stated above. I will probably use a checklist there too to keep me accountable and to see that things are getting done. Routines really are the mainstay of home maintenance. If you don’t keep up with the laundry, dishes, floors, and picking up you know what you’ll be looking at by the end of the week. Been there – done that! Don’t particularly want to go back there either. So, this is essential. I’m going to do some Flylady for decluttering, but overall I’m going to stay off youtube, books, etc., and try to find my own way for once.

The other thing I really need to do is build in leisure time so I’m not wasting time on the computer but doing something I really would like to do. I made a list a few months ago of those types of things, so I’m going to pull from that list and make my available time count for something. Although, taking a nap sometimes is what I need to do too.

I know, I know – I’ve announced plans before and we know how well that goes. My son once told me that he read somewhere when we announce plans we think we’ve done them and then don’t do them. My blog is also my journal, so I want to put it out there that this is what I would like to do. It does help.

So, time to get back to basics!

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I’m sorry, that number’s busy…

October 2, 2018

I’ve been thinking a lot of this lately. I often joke about how I think sometimes God takes the phone off the hook when my call comes through. And I think He kind of does. Why? Because it is a lack of trust (and sheer panic) that causes me to “hey, God” 5,000 times sometimes when once or twice is all I need instead of constant. Would you want to hear that? Me neither.

Let me give you an example. Last year I made a trip to San Francisco from my home in the midwest. This involved flying which I hadn’t done in 32 years and which also scared the crap out of me just thinking about it. I made it there without too many repeated prayers. But once I got out there I was afraid of every new thing I was doing. “Please God let this subway train make it”, “Please God, don’t let the ferry go down”, “Please God….” and so on. All the time! All that fear kept me from really enjoying myself to the fullest. After finally getting a vacation, I should have been more focused on the fun. One or two prayers is all I needed and then letting God take it over. I won’t even discuss the return trip except to say it was a lot more of the same.

Last week I did it again over the appliance installation. In fact, I was so worried I made myself physically sick. Finally, I just prayed to Jesus to take care of it and did what I could to prepare and moved on. Guess what? It turned out okay.

So, that’s something I need to work on – trust. Trust in God and trust in people. It’s not something that comes easy to me due to a wonky past, but I can work on it a little each day. That way, my life isn’t one big worry-fest and I might find life is more enjoyable.

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