Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Long Time No See

May 12, 2023

Hoo boy, I guess I need to stop neglecting this place! February was my last post?! Sheesh! Tonight I’m watching severe storms so I’ve got plenty of time on my hands to catch up here while I do that.

Part of what prompted this post was going back to see my beauty routines and what was working and what wasn’t. (I started with a new brand last month, but I really don’t think it’s going to work out so I’m going to have to start over for the millionth time.) In going back over my old posts I realized (again) that I’m just SO STUCK all the time! I noticed this in my old planners too – the same old crap going on and the same goals and not doing anything because I let everything else get in the way. I also think I’m putting too much time into certain things and it’s taking away from the other things I need to be doing. And it’s harder to find motivation and energy when you’re older. Well, maybe not for some older people but for me. UGH.

The other thing I noticed was how I stopped recording my reading as well. I’ve been reading some but it’s always the same stuff – self help, homemaking, blah, blah, blah. I do have two new books that are different so I need to crack those babies out. My spiritual reading has evolved nicely though and at least that is a move in the right direction. I finally got a Catholic Bible commentary and I think that’s going to help me study and learn more which I’ve been wanting to do for awhile.

Let’s get back to beauty for a minute. At the end of last year I was using some products that actually worked quite well and my skin responded well – I probably should have stayed with that routine! Today I spent time making a list of ALL the beauty brands I’ve tried since I started at 12 years old – 140+ brands over 45+ years. The first makeup products I ever used were Maybelline’s kissing potion and Mary Quant makeup crayons (RIP Mary Quant) and Clinique blush – Ashes of Roses. My first skincare regimen was also Clinique. I’ve been on a never ending quest for clear skin ever since that time and I think I need to talk to that 12 year old girl about stopping all that crap. It’s time to realize my skin is never going to be how I want it and I just need to accept it. Maybe I’ll get back into what I was using last fall and call it a day. Or buy a stash of what I know works (that’s the next list) and pick and choose as needed according to what my skin needs on a given day.

I should add clothing in here too – I’ve been doing Project 333 for the last year since quitting Stitch Fix. I really don’t have a lot of clothes but I’m beginning to see what I like and don’t like and what I need for a workable wardrobe year round. I need to stop procrastinating and waiting to be thin and just buy what I need (yeah, I’m sure I’ve written that before).

I’m watching thirtysomething again too. Love, love, love that show and miss those days as a young mom so much. Over the last few months I watched most of my favorite movies which was a lot of fun.

In music I have been expanding my cd collection with the likes of Blondie, ZZ Top, and a few others through thrift stores. Maybe this should be my Music Monday next week. How long has it been since I did one of those??

And Instagram – one thing I’ve wanted to do is post a picture every day for a year as a record of sorts. Probably time to revive that goal. Count them – 100 posts in 6 years. Yeah, really need to think about that. Oh, and I bought a tripod – I really want to revive my dream of vlogging and at least I did take a step and got the equipment. Maybe all is not lost after all.

Which brings me to my blog and maybe it’s time for another 30 day challenge. Maybe a Summer Schedule challenge too. At least I’d be doing something to move forward. I’ve written several posts over the last several months but just haven’t released them into the wild. Need to stop that.

And the best news – I’m going to finally be a grandmother! My oldest son and his wife are expecting their first child at the end of next month. It’s a boy and I can’t wait!!

Okay I didn’t mean to be whiny, I just wanted to update so if there’s anyone still reading you’d know I was still around but just battling feelings of turning 60 in January and assessing my life as it is now and where I’d like it to be over the next however long I have left. A lot needs to change and it’s going to take a major leap of faith.

All righty – storms will be here soon and it’s going to be a toad strangler as they say in my neck of the woods. Which is fine because we’re in drought at the moment and this should put a major dent in it for some counties. That’s the one thing all the storm trackers are saying tonight – thank God for the rain!

See you soon!

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Slow Day

February 24, 2023

I decided yesterday morning to have a slower, at home day since the last three have been quite busy. Especially Tuesday and Wednesday. Both were physically and mentally demanding days. So yesterday was a slow(er) day – more intentional – getting only the basics done. This included, getting me ready for the day, laundry, and then do some of the dishes that have piled up. The plan also included having my daughters dry the morning dishes and I’d finish them while doing all the desk day work. HA – none of that happened. What I did do was stop at Sonic for a peanut butter cup blast, paid 3 bills, rebooted laundry, and made dinner, and closed the kitchen. That was enough.

One thing that happened to me is that after I did the morning dishes and had reloaded the laundry I decided to sit down and read a book. The feeling that I needed to be busy doing housework was overwhelming! Did not expect that. However, I knew I had a plan in place so I didn’t need to feel guilty about slowing down and playing a little. Apparently this is something I need to work on. No wonder I feel burned out on a daily basis.

So, today is Friday and it’ll be back in the routines, but if I want to read a book or write a post here I’ll do it without feeling guilty. As long as I’m making progress and keeping a clean enough house then it’s all good. Yes, I still have a way to go but I’ve improved so much over the years and I’m celebrating all that I’ve done. And I’ve done A LOT. Ready for retirement. As if.

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New Year New Rituals

January 19, 2023

Well, okay, they’re probably more like routines but I’m going to call them rituals because they are things I do on the daily that help bookend my days right. The last few months of 2022 I wasn’t keeping up with things like drinking water, taking my meds on time, and skipping brushing my teeth at night. So, after we all got sick earlier this month, I started making myself get back into my daily rituals. Guess what? Feeling better, sleeping better, and overall in a better mood. So, here’s what I do.

Morning – Get up on time, drink water, eat breakfast, check email, play my morning games for the brain, and get ready for the day. Let’s stop here to see what getting ready for the day looks like: shower/skincare routine, body lotion, brush teeth, brush hair, take meds, get dressed, make bed. And then I have my Quiet Time of reading the Bible, spiritual reading, and prayer. And that’s how my day begins. If I do ALL of these things I feel like my day is off to a good start and everything else usually runs smoother.

Evening – I start this ritual around 8:00-8:30pm and no later than 9pm. Skincare routine, brush teeth, brush hair, pj’s on, clothes put away or in hamper. If I haven’t started the dishwasher I do this now and also drink a last glass of water before bed. Then I put on some lip balm and hand cream, watch a movie (or part of one), and lights out no later than 10:30pm. Then it’s prayer time again – going over my day and maybe saying a rosary. Sometimes my brain is full and just settling down to sleep is more necessary than the rosary. Do I set my alarm? Sometimes – for 5am – but more often than not I don’t and end up getting up between 5 and 6 am anyway. Except for this morning when I didn’t drag out of bed until 7. I don’t like sleeping in late because then I feel like everything is off the rest of the morning. On the other hand it’s a good reminder for me that not everything goes perfectly and you just rewire your day to do what needs to get done. No one needs a full day of guilt.

There are other things that I’ve been doing too like no more than one cup of coffee in the morning and only in the morning. Actually eating a reasonable lunch around 11 to 11:30 am. Drinking more water and tracking it. And I’ve also stopped eating a snack before bed. All of these little things actually add up big in the end.

You might be thinking why do things at a certain time? Because if I do that it helps keep me on track and my day running smoother. I’m a Sidetracked Home Executive by nature and I learned a long time ago to find ways to stay on track so that things actually get done like list making or doing certain things at a certain time. It works for me.

So that’s how I’m beginning the new year and sticking to it. I’ve also been sticking to the no appointments in January as well and next month will begin new dental and doctor visits. I just need January to be calmer after the chaos of November and December.

Happy New Year to all of you and maybe you also need to find ways to get back on track and taking care of yourself, your home, and your family. Start small but most of all START. That really is the heroic moment.

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Finish Well

December 13, 2022

OMG – is that really the time??!! Christmas Eve is only two weeks away and we just started baking cookies and I’ve not even started on the gift buying (although I do know what I’ll be getting). And let’s not forget it’s three weeks until the end of this year – CRIKEY! With that in mind, I had a thought this morning – just finish this year out and finish well. Well, as well as I can. :D And that also means no striving to do anything new to add to the chaos of Christmas. Or even a mad dash to get my home spotless. Just finish this month out the best I can and next month I will hibernate, relax, and take care of me.

I know, I know that flies in the face of everyone going don’t wait until tomorrow; do it now; it’s never too late to begin (or too early), but I know ME and I know that trying to cram in new stuff while trying to cram for the holidays is just a build up to disaster. And, let’s face it, who wants a cranky mom for Christmas (and I’ve been that cranky mom at Christmas)?

So, what’s the plan? To keep on doing the regular stuff every day and that’s it. That means using and finishing up my skincare products, keeping up with my daily housework routines, and planning for Christmas and New Year’s. On the health side, taking my meds, daily Vitamin D, yogurt, and water. It’s a good basic plan and one I can keep up with for the next two to three weeks.

Next month, I’m planning a self-care month. January and February tend to be cruel as far as weather goes and I just need a break after all the crazy of September-December. I also turn 60 in January so it’ll be a good time to assess my life and where I’m headed for the next 5, 10, 15, or 20 years that I have left to live. That is also part of finishing well. I’ve looked over my planners from the last many years and they’re all the same and I just don’t feel like I’ve gotten anywhere so I want that to change too. I want to move forward.

So, I won’t stress too much about shopping, wrapping, cooking and focus instead on what the holidays really mean to me: Advent, quieting down as much as I can, and just enjoying the tree, the lights, the movies, the stories before the big day and family descends. That way I can fill up mentally and physically and be able to pour out when needed. I’ve had all year to work on decluttering and stuff like that so it can wait. Other things can’t.

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A Day Lived Well

October 28, 2022

So, I thought today that everything was going to heck in a handbasket, but it turns out it wasn’t a total loss. Here’s the rundown:
1. Take daughter to work
2. Grab a Starbucks
3. Gas in the car
4. Hit the grocery store for a few things we need
5. Back home and rest on the couch
6. Actually eat something for lunch thanks to daughter #2
7. Pay bills
8. Vacuum downstairs
9. Take son to work
10. Check out holiday sets at Ulta – upon which I see message from son saying he forgot his wallet so…
11. Back home to get wallet and run it to him at work
12. Back home and rest on the couch – decide to pick up dinner
13. Oooh – “Inside Daisy Clover” is on! Watch that after dinner instead of brooding.
14. Feeling empowered now so I unload and reload dishwasher while listening to Diana Krall.
15. Play some Animal Crossing and chat with daughter #1 when she gets home.
16. Get ready for bed, lay out clothes for tomorrow, and decide that today was actually good.
17. Eat a snack and then I’ll be watching an episode of “Upstairs Downstairs” before bed.
Yeah – that’s not a bad day’s work. What I did here was focus on what got done instead of what didn’t and that made a huge difference! If you only focus on the negatives, then it almost cancels out the positives. So, next time you think you didn’t get a lot done – list what you did do (even if it’s only two things) and pat yourself on the back. You’re doing fine.

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I Can Do That

October 5, 2022

In an effort to regain my health, I looked up clean eating and how to start. I’ll say right off the bat – I’m not into fad diets or diets at all – however, I know that eating healthier starts with making better choices. In other words, I will not be giving up bread, just buying bread that has fewer ingredients and is whole grain (i.e. less processed). I found this article and you know what? This I can do! They’re all foundational principals for healthier eating so this is where I’m starting. If you want the Cliff Notes version – here it is.
1. Pick Whole Foods
2. Eat More Whole Grains
3. Load Up on Fruits and Vegetables
4. Watch Out For Added Salt and Added Sugar
5. Skip Artificial Ingredients
6. Sip Plenty of Water
7. Rethink Alcohol and Caffeine
8. Decide If You’ll Go Organic
9. Be Smart About Meat And Dairy
Those are all really easy to do and a great starting point for a healthier diet (diet here meaning the foods you eat on a regular basis). Even the notes are nice and conservative – nothing crazy. They don’t say you HAVE to eat organic or eat ONLY fresh foods either. You get to choose and that’s good because not everyone can afford to eat organic. I will say fresh foods in season are always cheaper but frozen is a good second best. If all you can afford right now is canned fruits and veg – that is better than eating none at all. Do what you can and as things improve you can step it up at that time.

So, it’s time to start over and begin again. UGH. I feel like I’ve said that 1,000 times but I’ve got to start where I can and make the habits stick. I also need to realize it’s going to take time and to give myself grace. As one of my readers reminded me, His mercies are new every morning – every day is a fresh start. No matter how we did the previous day, we can start anew TODAY and do the best we can.

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September 2022

October 3, 2022

It’s that time again peeps – a roundup of the month that was. And since I made some bold plans we’ll see how that held up. :D

Overall getting back to basics was a win. I really stayed off social media and tv – well, except for all the memorials and funeral of Queen Elizabeth II. That was important to me. She was an amazing woman and leader and we would all do well to take a page or two out of her book. May she rest in peace with her husband Prince Phillip.

So, like I said, I’ve mostly stayed off social media, internet, and tv with a few days here and there of too much scrolling or watching. Even time on my phone was down 58% last week – wow. And I hardly have any apps on there! Has it helped to limit social media? Most definitely. Listening to my voice and God’s and limiting everyone else’s helped me figure some things out. The quiet of not having the tv on and reading a book or dozing on the couch instead has been much needed in my life. Definitely helping with the stress, but also turning my brain back on to the important things I need to focus on. On the flip side of that – intentional screens – I watched Metropolis a couple of nights ago on TCM. I’ve been wanting to watch that for a long time and decided to make it a date. It’s a post for another day, but that movie rocks for a silent movie from 1927! It was filmed in 1926 and is supposed to be set in 2026. Crazy.

I decided last week to drink a smidge of coffee on the daily and by Saturday I knew I shouldn’t have. Too much coffee affects my moods and I had a blow up which didn’t need to happen. This was the third time this month I’ve gone off the rails on something with someone and so it’s not all coffee’s fault. I do have some problems that need to be resolved and not getting resolution is frustrating. On the other hand, I need to find a release valve for that tension. So I need to work on that, while limiting my coffee intake.

Did I go silent last month? No. Have I been more intentional on that? A little. I’ve been talking with and listening more to my kids and that has been a plus. I’ve been trying to ask open ended questions and have been getting more responses too. My youngest daughter even cuddled on the couch with me a couple of times (she’s 18) and that was the best ever. It won’t happen much anymore so I savored that time.

As far as keeping the focus on my house things worked well. Is my house in perfect condition? No, and it never will be. Is it basically clean? Yes and that’s all it needs to be right now. I’ve been so busy that mostly just getting the basics done each day is what I’ve been doing and catching up when I can. However, I have added another new habit in – putting the clean dishes from the dish drainer away in the morning while I’m waiting for the kettle to heat, toast to pop up, or whatever. That’s one less thing I have to do down the road and a good use of wait time. Go me.

In conclusion (otherwise this post will be really long), September went well and I’m keeping the focus-on those things that are really important and knowing when to drop what’s not. This month I’m adding in tracking my spending, beefing up the pantry for the holidays and winter months, getting my wardrobe together (I actually do need things), and clothes for my two youngest. Those are things that are important and still sticks to the basic focus of me, my family, and my home.

So, let’s raise a cup of (insert favorite fall drink) and toast to a new month and the beauty of living life well.

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Making Progress

September 23, 2022

It would appear I’m making some progress and I’ve had a couple epiphanies as well.

As far as housework goes, I’m making sure routines get done but I’m also doing this at the beginning of each day – making a list of what needs to get done. Sure I’ve got my routines written down and I usually follow those. But when things get a little backlogged then it’s more like, what absolutely has to get done and what can wait. Sitting down and making a list can help with that. And I think housework is like that – somedays there’s not a lot of outside stuff going on and you can get more done in house. Other days it’s like – hoo boy – need to catch up again because life has been busy. Guess what? Both are valid! I decided I’m NOT going to spend all day cleaning – I’m going to keep things balanced with doing what needs to get done and the rest of the day is for other pursuits. Oh yes – I am feeling better because of it.

As far as keeping quiet – HA – as if! However, since Queen Elizabeth’s funeral this week, I’ve pretty much kept the tv off most days. Also – reading a little more and only reading online what is helpful. I’m still probably too chatty but I’m also listening more and engaging more with the fam. That’s a good thing. The tv chatter is just too much noise and the quiet in the house helps keep a quiet mind too.

I’m not sure what to do with skincare. I traded my Youth to the People set out and now I’m back with it. I think the other products were too emollient or something because I started breaking out. So starting today we’ll attempt YTTP again. I also went back to the Cover Girl Smoothers Foundation. Only $5.50 and it’s a great basic base. So we’ll see. Still ready to toss everything and start with something entirely different.

I’m still off the coffee and while I really miss it, I’m surviving. Still doing the orange, banana, and applesauce thing and I think it’s helping – I don’t seem to be craving sugary or carby things as much. And staying on top of drinking water – a cup every hour on the hour. It’s an easy way to remember to drink it. I’m beginning to have a little more energy and a lot of the brain fog has cleared out. Starting to wonder how much of my depression has been fueled by shitty eating habits. :(

Yesterday we had a cool rainy morning so my youngest daughters and I went on a walk at the duck pond. Have to say that was nice! I’d like to do that every morning after taking my oldest daughter to work and work up to a second time in the afternoon after taking my son to work. I think it’s called “habit stacking” or something – one thing leads to another and is easy to remember. Also – getting out in nature is healing.

Oh and I finished “The Secret Garden” – such a great book for both children and adults. I got a lot out of it on how to live a more positive and healthy life. Underlined many things to think about. It goes well with The Jane Austen Diet too – all the simple things we know we should be doing but don’t. So, this will help too. And like I said above – getting out in nature is healing.

So, that’s how it’s going. Making progress and feeling better. While the big messes haven’t changed, at least I can take care of myself and that may help me to make the decisions I need to make. Right now it’s just about taking care of me, myself, and my family as best I can. I think it’s all any of us can reasonably do every day.

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Back to Basics Check In

September 18, 2022

Well, if you read my last post you know I’ve been having a rough time. I think last week was the culmination of a lot of crap mentally and physically over the summer – if not longer. That said, since I went on my Back to Basics month I’ve actually been getting some things done. The one big thing is I’m spending more time with my kids and talking with them more. I didn’t think I’d not been doing that but apparently I have.

Another thing is I’m finding that I’m getting into my daily routines a little better. On Thursday I decided to play catch up on the housework and got quite a bit done in the morning. That was another reason to take the rest of the day off – you don’t need to spend all day cleaning. Life is meant to be lived not to be spent cleaning your house into something resembling a museum. Or other people’s houses – on Instagram or real life. If your house is relatively clean and tidy you’re good. If it’s messier and interfering with living then you need a different approach but it still isn’t cleaning all day either.

I decided to cut out caffeine and cut way back on sugar as well since last week’s health scare. I started drinking a lot more water and am feeling much better. So, obviously, I’m keeping that up. I’m also getting more fruit in – orange juice, a banana, and one of those applesauce cups. One of those at each meal or as a snack. I decided it would be an easy way to get three servings of fruit in and it’s working. Baby stepping my way back to better.

I do need to make an appointment with my doctor though because my blood pressure was somewhat elevated, but it may have just been the stress. In any case a visit is warranted.

I axed out a lot of the people I followed on Instagram (except family) and am not spending nearly as much time online (except for things to do with Queen Elizabeth’s funeral) and that’s a plus. Like I said in my original back to basics post, I need to listen to God and me. Everything else is just chatter. I’m even limiting the amount of self help books I’m reading as well to quiet down. However, I did pick up “The Secret Garden” by Frances Hodgson Burnett and started reading that. Somehow my two youngest kids and I got in a conversation about it and I figured it was time to read it – all the way through this time.

My skincare routine is not where I’d like it to be. I digressed with a kit from Youth to the People but it wasn’t working (drying) so I’m using Clinique’s Rinse Off Foaming Cleanser, Laneige Cream Skin Toner, Sephora’s Probiotic Moisturizer, and my Banana Boat Mineral Face Sunscreen. All from my stash.

So that’s how it’s going. While I’m weighing in once a week I’m not seeing much change yet – my body is probably trying to reset now that I’m getting more water and fruit in. And, really, getting healthy physically and mentally are paramount right now.

One thing I did think of – most of my summers starting with right after high school until the year I got married were crazy. A lot of not great things happened and I wonder sometimes if my mind/body just go on a PTSD rampage some summers remembering all that. Even from 2010 to about 2016 I had no summers due to other ongoing crises. Which may mean each summer my mind gears up for another crappy summer and that’s why the anxiety goes wonky. Something for me to think about and work on.

Here’s to another week – hot week – but a new week none the less. Cheers.

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Do What I Damn Well Please

September 16, 2022

I came to this thought today when I was messing around on the internet. I think maybe I was chiding myself for doing “nothing” when I should be doing “something” and ya know what? I said to myself, “Self – do what you damn well please today. It’s been a rough week and you deserve to do what you want to.” And so I did. Actually that thought came half way through my do nothing afternoon, but who cares.

After I dropped my son off to work this afternoon, I miraculously got into the Starbucks drive through – ALONE! My phone died on me right as I needed to pay so I cracked out my Starbucks gold card – still works! And I got my free Venti Pink Drink. That started the happy off.

After I got home I decided to trim and paint my nails. Well that was fun. So, I looked at my bookshelf to see if I had a certain book (I didn’t) which led me to find one on finances for women which I really need to read so I put that in my book basket. Yes, I really do have a basket for the books I’m reading. Which led me to…

My Bibliotherapy book and I read the first chapter – about bad girls in books. That led me to look up those books to see if any were at my library (most aren’t), then to Amazon, then to Thriftbooks. I’m going to buy one of them for sure. Reading that chapter made me laugh and I really haven’t done much of that in months.

This week has been rough – the Queen died last week and that kicktarted a crying jag that led to a dehydrated anxiety attack thing which led me to an ER visit and an arm that looked like I’m a drug addict because they couldn’t get a good vein to put an IV in for fluids and bloodwork. And that’s why I decided that this afternoon I’d do whatever the hell I wanted to…because I needed to.

And now, I’m off to make french toast and sausage with one of my daughters and enjoy my evening. I’ll be watching thirtysomething later (I’m already in Season 3) and then go to bed feeling pretty damn good for once.

So yeah, there are days when you do have to just put it all aside and take time to do what you want. If you don’t you’re not going to be happy with yourself or anyone else. Everyone needs a break.

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