Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Beauty Update Part 1 – Skincare

October 2, 2023

So, it was a summer of a lot of trial and error and tossing out of products that did not work for me. And I want to emphasize those words “for me” because, as with most beauty and skincare products, your mileage will vary. What works for one does not work for all. And I’m 60 years old and not 20 so let that inform what you read here. With those caveats in place, let’s roll!

Cleanser – I found two Milk Makeup Vegan Cleanser minis at my local TJ Maxx, snapped them up and have used them since late July early August. I’ve used this cleanser before and really liked it so I decided to revisit it. It’s gentle, rinses clean, and takes off a good amount of makeup. That said, I’ve also been using the Garnier Micellar Water (regular formula) for a first cleanse at night when I wear makeup. Edit – my Garnier got used up and so I bought the Bioderma Micellar Water with the pink cap. I actually like it better – rinses cleaner.

Toner – Still using the new Alcohol Free Neutrogena Toner that I picked up earlier this year. It’s basic – finishes cleansing and doesn’t leave my skin dry or stripped. No alcohol, no actives, and no fragrance. I also have a mini Laneige Cream Skin Toner that I’ll use when it gets colder. It is pretty moisturizing and you can use too much so it’s a little trial and error there but overall it works well.

Moisturizer – I finally used up my Drunk Elephant La La Retro Moisturizer last month and I’ve bounced around with a couple of sample items that didn’t work, so I decided to crack out the Farmacy Honey Halo moisturizing cream that a daughter in law gave me. I used it a little earlier this year and figured it was time to actually use it on the daily to see how it works. I wasn’t sure at first that it moisturized enough but after two weeks of using it morning and night it was working okay. So will be using this until it’s finished. Edit – the Farmacy is now gone and after bouncing around again, I’m trying the Aveeno Calm and Restore Oat Gel Moisturizer.

Exfoliation – I found Pixi’s Clarity Tonic To Go wipes at TJ Maxx on clearance a few months ago and picked them up to try them out. The formula wasn’t harsh and I think they worked ok. I used them twice a week but they did make my skin sensitive the day after using them even when using sunscreen so I dropped them. I’d been hearing a lot about Aveeno’s Calm and Restore Nourishing PHA Facial Exfoliator and decided to try it since it has received very high marks. And it is really good! It uses very gentle chemical exfoliation – what is called PHA – and it’s really subtle but it does work. My skin is smoother and there is no irritation from this at all. I use it 2 to 3 times a week and will probably continue using it since my skin is tolerating it very well. This step is one I really need as my skin gets drier and sloughs less on its own now.

Sunscreen – I had been using a sample of Dr. Dennis Gross All Physical Lightweight Wrinkle Defense Broad Spectrum Sunscreen and went ahead and ordered the full size because I love it so much. A few years ago Sephora had a different version of this in a sun safety kit and I liked that one too so decided to get it again. This one is lightweight and it smooths into the skin very well. It plays well with my moisturizer and makeup as well which is a bonus. I will say I only use a small amount to cover my face which works for me. I tried using the 2 or 3 finger method for SPF with another product and dried the crap out of my skin. So, I’m going back to using the smallest amount that works for me and I’m fine with that. Oh, and it is a zinc oxide product with an SPF of 30. I will say that the zinc oxide seems to be more drying than titanium dioxide so I think I might test that theory out.

And so that is it – yep, those are the only skincare products I am using right now. Keeping it very simple and my skin is doing well with it. I am playing around with dropping my sunscreen and using my makeup with sunscreen to see what the differences are. And, as stated above, may play with zinc oxide vs titanium dioxide sunscreens as well to see if one is more drying than the other. Tomorrow I’ll post about what makeup products I am using but, again, I’m keeping it simple. It just makes life easier and keeps decision fatigue at bay when you have favorites you love and a simple routine. I enjoy wearing makeup, but I just don’t need a lot or desire a lot anymore.

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Books Read Jan-Sept 2023

October 1, 2023

I don’t think I’ve mentioned anything I’ve read this year except for maybe two quick mentions so I thought I’d list what I’ve read so far. There won’t be any commentary because I just don’t have the energy for that today, but I wanted to see at a glance what I’ve read and how much I’ve been reading lately.

I have nothing recorded between October 2022 and February 2023 when I kinda woke up and realized I needed to have something to read. Probably because it was cold and gross and February. I’m trying not to let that happen as I’ve got a to be read list a mile long. Those books are books I’ve bought sitting on my shelf and I really need to read them. Okay, here’s the list.
1. Faithful by Alice Hoffman
2. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
3. The Sharper Your Knife the Less You Cry by Kathleen Flinn
4. Cash The Autobiography by Johnny Cash
5. Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
6. Art of Homemaking by Daryl V. Hoole
7. Joys of Homemaking by Daryl V. Hoole
8. The 40 Day Feast by Wendy Speake
9. Our Lady of Fatima by William Thomas Walsh
10. The Home Edit – Life by Clea Shearer and Joanna Teplin
11. The Home Edit by Clea Shearer and Joanna Teplin
12. The Good, The Bad, and the Barbie by Tanya Lee Stone
13. The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure
14. Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder
15. Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella
16. How To Be Fine by Jolenta Greenburg and Kristen Meinzer
17. The Obituary Writer by Ann Hood
18. The Little House Traveler by Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane (just started)
19. The 40 Day Social Media Fast by Wendy Speake (just started)
So just for easy math – almost 20 books in 40 weeks this year so a book every couple of weeks. Not too bad. As much as I love books I’m not a prolific reader apparently. I take a lot of books out of the library, scan through them when I get them home and then act as if I’ve read them I guess because I forget about them after that. I also start books and then decide I don’t really want to read them and read something else. Lately though I’ve decided to actually read the books I’ve bought over the last few months to jump start my reading again. And I’ve bought A LOT of books per usual – new and used – so it’s time to read them before they get shelved.

OK – that’s the reading update. Maybe this week I can get to the beauty update. Better late than never right? Happy October!

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Summer and September Wrap Up

September 25, 2023

Wow – this month zipped by and here we are at the end of it and also at the end of all my good intentions per usual. So, how did the month go? Well, let’s see….

Weather – Finally cooled down for a lot of the month! We had an opportunity for some rain and storms over the weekend, but ended up with neither. On the one hand I’m glad we didn’t see any severe weather. On the other hand, a little more rain in areas that are hurting would have been nice. I’ve finally noticed leaves are changing colors and our lawns have some leaves in them already. And, of course, daylight is leaving us sooner – not a fan. It means the darker and colder days are ahead but I hope it’s not for awhile.

Beauty – I used the same products for most of this month, but some have now run out and some just didn’t cut it so I’m taking out and adding in at the moment. I also cut down my makeup products to what I wanted to use the last two weeks of September and I am actually loving that. Keeping my products simple and what I enjoy using keeps my decision fatigue at bay. I get ready quickly and move on to the next thing in my day.

Reading – Have read a few books over the summer and really need to update that too. What I really should be doing is making a list of all the books I’ve bought versus all the books I’ve read. Ahem – guess which list is longer. :P For spiritual reading it’s just the New Testament, a commentary, and then a prayer journal on days I need to be more focused.

No Buy September – That went right out the window when I took one of my daughters shopping on her day out. I have kept some of the spending in check by thinking before I shop though. I’ve got a full pantry, fridge, and freezer now and a list of 30 meals I can make with everything so at least there was that. Maybe in the winter when it’s too cold to go out I’ll try this again. :D

SNEW – Okay, this is one area where I’m making some headway. I’ve written in my planner every day what I want to accomplish health-wise. All I did was write these things down with check boxes next to them and guess what? For the most part I’m doing okay. Some days are better than others but I get more in than I used to. I’m also weighing myself once a week again and making a goal. Go me!

House – Nothing I wanted to get done got done because I can’t get anyone to actually do anything. We had an AC hiccup and after waiting 10 days for one guy to get back to me I called someone else and they came right out and fixed the issue. Hopefully I can count on these guys.

Health – I’m done with all my fillings (again) and it feels a whole lot better in there! He even fixed the previous fillings my other dentist messed up and my bite on the right side feels better now. So glad I switched dentists but wish I hadn’t waited (and suffered) so long.

I think that covers everything. I’ve had ups and downs but overall feeling okay. Today after my dental appointment I just did nothing. My husband had the dishes covered, kids did their own laundry, and dinner was simple so I let myself have downtime. It was exactly what I needed. Tomorrow I’ll get back into my routines and begin again.

I am not making any promises but will try to adjust some of my posts-in-waiting because there’s some good stuff in there but some things have changed (like my beauty posts) so will work on those and get those out here. In the meantime Happy Fall everyone and I’ll see you soon!

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September Beginnings

September 2, 2023

September can be like another new year – it’s a fresh start for kids in school or college and it can be a fresh start for a mom whose kids are in school full time and she can do some things for herself too. For me, with no kids in school and a half empty nest, it’s a time to reassess and get going again on goals. Summertime can be downright lazy and when it’s hot out even lazier and I often lose sight of what I want to do with my life. So, I’ve outlined a couple of goals for the month. It’s time to stop making excuses and get strong!

No Buy September – I’ve been going to the store for groceries way too much because I’ve not been on top of menu planning or keeping up on what’s in the pantry/fridge/freezer. That needs to stop because I’m really wasting time and money so it’s time to reign it in. Then when I was crunching numbers with bills and balances I realized that we need to make some changes for the rest of the year. That’s when i remembered a book I read called “The Year of Less” by Cait Flanders and a little download about having a shopping ban and decided it was time to implement a strategy to save money and stop the financial bleedout. So I’m going to have a no-buy September.

No buy for me means no books, no makeup, no skincare, and no “just because” items. If I actually run out of something in those departments then I can buy what I need, but otherwise it’s a no go. That said, my makeup and skincare stash is pretty good right now and I also have shelves of books and a library at my disposal so that’s not an issue either. And it definitely means not going to the store anymore than twice a week for groceries and sticking to the menu plan and shopping list. I am leaving wiggle room for special things like cookies for our library day tea parties, and Starbucks when I’m spending a day out with a kid, but none of this, “Oh that’s so (insert adjective) – it’s coming home with me”. No it’s not – you’re going to be more intentional about spending money and what you spend it on, lady.

SNEW September – I thought about a no sugar September but I think it would be easier to add in instead of take out at this point. If you don’t know, SNEW means Sleep, Nutrition, Exercise, and Water from the “M.O.M. Operating Manual” book for kids (actually it’s for the mom). It’s the basics for a mom to take care of herself so she can take care of everyone else in the family. I’ve talked about this book many times and it’s critical for moms to take care of themselves. For me, I tried to be better at SNEW but always fell short. It’s mandatory now because I’m certainly not as healthy as I need to be and my stress level is back again in a big way.

The plan here is to set small daily and weekly goals that are easy to meet. Like maybe starting at a cup of vegetables and at least two fruits each day, a glass of water every hour or at least every other hour, and exercise for 10 min each day. Small goals that should be easy to meet.

As I get a better taste for the healthier foods, it will hopefully crowd out the bad crap I don’t need but tend to rely on for emotional support. Yeah, you heard me right – cookies, candy, etc. are my best friends. What I really need is an actual friend but as that is highly unlikely, I’m going to need to rely on myself to keep moving forward. It’s not going to be easy, but I need to find that strength that I know is there.

So, just those two biggish goals for the month but I think they’re very doable as well. Nothing ventured is nothing gained. Or like in that quote in that Tinkerbell movie, “If I don’t do anything then nothing is going to happen, but if I do something then something might happen.” Or something like that (I can never find that one!) You get the idea.

Here’s to a new month and the second new year of 2023. Cheers!

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August 2023 Recap

August 31, 2023

Well it’s August 31 folks and it’s the end of the Blog Challenge with my oldest boy. And he whipped me. Le sigh. On the plus side, it was a lot of fun and I learned a lot about what’s been going on in my son’s life over the last year. Moms aren’t always privy to information about their older kids lives the way we were when they were little and at home so I felt privileged he shared as much as he did. I also started writing more again and dusting off ideas that I’ve had for awhile. I’d been letting my blog languish far too long while I wrote blog posts either in my head or for real but never posted anything. So, it felt good to get those musings out into the light of day where I want them to be. My blog isn’t just a “hey, look what I’m doing” but more of a personal journal to chronicle my life and thoughts and maybe it will inspire or resonate with anyone who comes across it.

It is also the end of the month and, climatologically speaking, the end of another season. September begins tomorrow and while the weather may not always cooperate with the calendar, fall is on the way. Well, we can hope it is anyway. And no, I’m not one of those people who rush out for a PSL at Starbucks – they’re gross. No, I’m more of a bring on the cool weather, sweaters, and bright fall leaves gal. If I could have three months of that I’d be happy. So, in the spirit of endings, which also hail new beginnings, let’s review the month.

Reading – I finally read “The Wilder Life” by Wendy McClure! I remember when it came out in 2010 and wanted to read it then since I’m a huge fan of Laura Ingalls Wilder and her books. In homeschool circles there was a lot of chatter about “The Wilder Life” at the time, but for some reason I didn’t read it then. It may be because it was during that time we were paying off some huge debts and maybe I felt I couldn’t afford to buy a book and then I forgot about it. So when it was tagged for me on Amazon, I snapped a copy up through Thriftbooks and then read it in one week. It is very good but let me warn you – a box of tissues needs to be on standby.

Writing – This blog challenge. Part of my problem with not getting posts out is procrastination. The other part is wordiness – sometimes I just get away from myself. I try to keep my posts on the shorter side, and I’ve had to break up several posts because they simply got too long many a time. Which reminds me, I still have part two of my thirtysomething character write ups waiting in the wings and should get that out over the weekend. I also wrote plenty of lists in my planners and notebooks and a journal or two so I’m writing more than I realize, just not a lot here.

Beauty – I’m going to write a separate post on this because, heh, it’s going to be long. In a nutshell though, I’m just using my standard of cleansing, toning, moisturizing, exfoliating, and sunscreen for skincare; and foundation, blush, eyeshadow, mascara, brow, and lip products in as much or as little as I feel like on any given day for makeup. Trying to keep things simple.

House Cleaning and Fixing – Almost thought we had an issue with the air conditioner until I realized it was cycling off and on a lot last Friday due to the extreme heat and humidity we had over the last 10 days. It’s back to normal, but I think we need a new thermostat so will be getting someone over to check that out. I had a reno guy and his helper come out a couple of weeks ago and they said they were going to send me a quote and I haven’t heard a word since. Gee, thanks people. So sick of this crap. I did find a landscaping guy and he came out the day I called him and assessed our needs right away. The next week he came by and got our most pressing issues taken care of. YAY – finally got someone I can count on! Maybe I should ask him for help with the inside of the house.

I’m keeping up on housekeeping for the most part, but other things have slid. I need to stay on my daily and weekly routines and I really need to get deep cleaning and decluttering done as well. Just need to be more consistent with everything.

Health – Finally got my meds re-upped earlier this month and will be making an appointment to see a new doctor next month some time. I really need to lose weight and get healthy physically. I also need to improve my mental health a bit but I’m really stuck there too. Hopefully by this time next year things will have worked out in my favor. And my new dentist is fantastic – should have made the move years ago.

Finances – Oh dear God – we’ve been bleeding out for a while and it’s time to reign it in. I’m thinking a no spend month for September and possibly the rest of the year except essentials. Details to follow. On a more positive note we finally changed insurance companies and we will be paying half what we are now. Yeah – should have done that a long time ago! I would like to look into refinancing our house and maybe getting some money for the renovations but that’s a huge ass prospect. BUT you never know unless you ask. Winning the lottery would be so much easier.

And with that, August 2023 is in the books. A busy month but much got done and for the better while other things still need to get done and hopefully St. Joseph can help me find the people I need who will actually keep their side of the bargain. Pray for me St. Joseph, St. Anthony, and St. Jude – I really need help!!

Tomorrow I’ll post my plans for September. Stop laughing – things might actually work out this time. :P

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Digital Dinosaur

August 30, 2023

Yeah, that’s right – I’m not much on online or digital stuff but that’s okay. To each his own right? Well, apparently not. My bank wondered why I don’t do banking from my phone. Uh, because it’s my PHONE and I only text, take calls, take pictures, and especially keep track of severe weather on it. Also, I don’t feel banking is really secure on a small device that could get lost or stolen. That said, if I ever traveled internationally or even within the US for any lengthy amount of time I might do it then. Might.

I also have most of my bills automated and I usually pay any that aren’t online. Those are two things I’m extremely thankful for too. The spending 2 hours plus paying bills and balancing the account I used to do is long gone and I say good riddance.

Of course I text and send pictures to family members on my phone and I enjoy that. You can send a message and get a reply back right away (unless your kids ignore you). My oldest son is sending me lots of pictures and videos of my grandson so even though they live 1500 miles away, I feel I can be a part of his growing up in some small way. This technology is great so I’m all for it. Although, that said, I’m not the best at texting.

I shop online at a few stores but rarely for clothes – it’s just easier to go into stores and actually look at the items and try them on. To me, it’s a huge hassle and waste of time and shipping to shop for clothes online when 9 times out of 10 I have to return it anyway. I enjoy shopping in real stores too – it’s fun and I can see an item up close and personal and know right away if it’s something I actually want or will use or wear.

Grocery pick up I do fairly often because I don’t always love or have time to grocery shop. The first time I did it I felt really lazy, but now I’m just thankful it exists because it’s one less thing to do especially on a busy day. And it was crucial during the pandemic. Shop online, pay, they toss it in your car and you go. Saves my senior ass a lot of trouble. That said, when I do go grocery shopping it’s usually early in the morning when I’m practically the only one in the store. I can take my time and be more intentional about what I’m buying.

Digital books? That’s a hard pass from me. I prefer real books – you know, the ones made from paper? They are easier to hold, you can highlight and write in them easily, slap a bookmark in it to keep your place, and when you are done with it you can pass it on to someone else. And you don’t have to worry about charging a book. If the power goes out or your phone or tablet dies, hey, just grab a book off your shelf. Or if you’re traveling just toss a magazine or a book or two in your bag and you’re good to go.

Digital music? I like that it exists so that I can find back the music that I had on records many years ago. However, I did the Napster thing and when they went under so did my music so I’m not as keen on it anymore. And I do have an mp3 player and headset but I don’t use it as much as I used to. Might get back into that if I ever start walking around town. But, I still love all my cds and records and will probably never give them up. I can still find my favorite albums on cd online and in thrift stores so it’s not an issue for me. And liner notes are crucial – you can’t get liner notes with a download. So yeah, I’ll be sticking with my cd’s and records until I die most likely. I’ll also add radio in here too since it’s music. Sirius XM is great and they have many stations with every genre of music you can think of. Even 80s new wave. Mostly I listen in the car. Yeah, haven’t set it up on my phone either. TOTAL dinosaur. :D

Digital planners? Forget about it! I am a paper person through and through. I will never get into doing that stuff on my phone or on my computer. If it’s in a paper planner or on a paper calendar I can look at it and add to it with something called a pen. Oh, I tried doing the online planning once but it was just too complicated and annoying so I gave up on it. It takes me less time to write a note on a piece of paper and then I can transfer that info where it needs to go or I can easily find that info again when I need to since I keep files as well. For me if I’ve got something on paper then I know it exists and can go back to it anytime. If it’s digital, then it’s out of sight and out of mind and that makes for problems.

One digital thing I do enjoy is youtube. I have a very few channels I watch to get inspired or just for fun. I can watch videos on places I’ll never visit like Japan, watch other seniors my age talk about things like homemaking or just being a senior woman. I just have to take care not to watch too many in a day because it’s too easy to do and time really slips away when you’re on the internet. Sometimes I stop altogether for a time with social media because it can also make me feel less than and when that happens I just drop out for awhile until something catches my eye again. But it’s fun overall.

So, yeah, my phone is a phone and my computer is for doing business or shopping and fun stuff, I do everything else in the old ways. I’m like Fezziwig from “A Christmas Carol” and I prefer doing things the old fashioned way and I like it like that. What works for one does not work for all but we can all get along. FWIW I wrote all of this on my desktop computer – yes, I don’t even own a laptop. :D

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A Good Day VS A Meh Day

August 25, 2023

Here’s the post I wrote for yesterday – a very good day:

I began my day at 5:30am and had breakfast, my prayer time, shower, etc. At 8am I started the dishes and had them done in 30 minutes – thankfully I had my husband do them Saturday, Sunday, and Monday so it hasn’t gotten away from me. After that I started the laundry – towels – and will continue until those are done including folding and putting away. Trust me – you need need to do the whole routine every day you do laundry or you’ll never get caught up. Ask me how I know.

I took a kiddo to work and I was going to do some window shopping and I thought, nah, I’ll just go home and do some stuff there. So I made a cup of coffee and decided to do a brain dump with all the notes I’ve got in my planner and laying around in general. Next week I need to conquer procrastination and get the things done on those lists – especially the things that have to get done next week. I need to get strong and just get shit done. (Hmm – seems like I’ve talked about that before.)

This afternoon two of my daughters and I will go to the library and after that we’ll have tea and cookies while perusing our library finds. Always a good time and we often read stuff aloud that we find worthy of sharing. It’s a ritual that goes back quite a few years and we never miss it unless it’s bad weather or around the holidays. A long time ago I stopped going to the library in December because it was just another thing to do in the midst of a lot of holiday prep. You can only do so much.

I know what’s for dinner tonight too – chicken legs with an Asian sauce, rice, broccoli and fruit. I still need to plug in next week’s menu plan today or tomorrow but I do have a list of meals so that’s fairly easy. I’ll “shop” my pantry and freezer first, then buy only what we need. I’ve been going to the stores too much lately and need to rein that in. I am starting to stock up on a few things as well as we are approaching the fall and winter months which bring sketchy weather and the holidays. Having food in the freezer is like having money in the bank.

So, I’m enjoying this surge of energy I’ve been given today and use it to it’s advantage. Maybe I’ll have another good night’s sleep and have another good day tomorrow. It helps that cooler weather is on the way and a possible Target Tuesday next week as well – both things to look forward to.

Now let’s look at the meh that is today:

Got up later than yesterday. Waited through all the showers and then got me ready for the day. Dishes still need to get done but it’s not a lot so I’ll wait until later.

It’s later and I got finished taking a kid to work in a very hot car. No amount of air conditioning helped until I was almost home. Soon I’ll need to take another kiddo to work in the same hot car. Bleh. After that I’ll toss food on the table and call it dinner – it’s real name is “leftovers”. Maybe I’ll get some “Lottery Dream Home” in later today or read another chapter of “The Wilder Life” with a side of tissues (more on that another day).

I just feel tired today and I think a lot of it is the heat. Once you get in and out of a car that’s like an oven it takes everything out of you. So, I’m gonna ice my coffee down and put my feet up and then I’ll do those dishes right before dinner.

Fridays be like that though – I’m tired from everything I crammed into the week and I just want to rest. No rest for this weary mom though. Calgon take me away! As if….

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A Trip to the Past

August 21, 2023

Why yes, I do know my son has probably written more posts than I have which is weird because I have four young adults at home and he has one newborn baby. That said, I am busy taking care of the house, taking people to work, going to the store, putting gas in the car, and trying to find some time to take care of me too. And I think that’s why I’ve been feeling a strong pull to a past that is beyond mine – the past of my paternal grandmother who lived in a small town in Wisconsin.

The last two nights I’ve actually cooked dinner and not just tossed leftovers on or had the kids help make it. I usually start at 4:30pm (to keep myself on track) and the kitchen has been quiet lately – only my husband (usually sleeping in his recliner or watching a ballgame) and my youngest daughter who is still trying to find a job while her other siblings are out working. In that quiet I’ve fixed two meals on my own – one on Saturday and one on Sunday – and I’ve felt myself slipping to my grandmother’s house. I think part of it is because the weather is similar – hot and sunny – but the backyard kind of reminds me of her yard too. Our house has old fashioned curtains or shutters in all our rooms so it also has that old time feel (not to mention it was built in 1939). As I put my apron on and quietly cook dinner in my little kitchen, I feel her presence and it’s a comfort.

Her house was built by her husband and it was very sweet. Off the kitchen in the back was a little porch and I imagine she spent many days there looking out at the small creek running in the backyard, or at the church which was a one minute jaunt from her backyard and across the road. Imagine that – she could go to Mass every single day because it was so close. That had been a dream of mine years ago – to live within walking distance of church so I could get my day started on the right foot. In fact, she was the one who showed me how to recite the rosary and even took me to mass with her once on a Saturday night as well. I’ve blessed her many times for that. My grandmother had also been a schoolteacher and we found some really sweet things from those days when we were cleaning out my mother’s house after she died. It’s ironic because I homeschooled my kids for 25 years so the teaching thing seems to be in the genes.

When we’re eating dinner in our dining room, it feels like her dining room too. She put a meal on every night we were there visiting and it often included cake which for my brothers and me was heaven. I’m sure my grandma made it just for us and she was happy to have someone to bake for.

One time she came out to visit us in CA after my grandfather had died and she read to me in our rocking chair. Well, I’m sure I begged her to read to me and I can still remember being on her lap and her reading “The Teeny Tiny Woman” complete with sound effects. It’s a magical memory and my love of reading and books was born right there I’m sure.

She died around this time in 1980 and it was a hot summer that year too, so maybe she is visiting me. Whatever it is – feelings for the comfort of a home far away, or her watching over me when I need it – I’m grateful for it. It has brought me some peace.

Thank you Grandma for all your love and service to our family over the years. I wish I had asked you more about your life and cooking and housekeeping and being a mother. Teenagers never think of these things though, we only remember when we get to old age and then our elders are gone and we can’t ask anymore.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul rest in peace. Amen.

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thirtysomething Characters – Part 1

August 19, 2023

NOTE: There will be spoilers so if you ever thought you’d want to watch this show, you might not want to read this post. However if you are intrigued read on. AND if you are a die hard fan like me, you might enjoy this. Again – these are MY views – I’m sure you have your own. :D

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about doing this post for quite some time. Every time I get to Season 3 it’s like I just can’t hold back on my judgment of these people and yelling at the tv screen happens. So I think I’m going to finally spill my guts on what I think of the characters. And I almost hate calling them characters because it almost wasn’t acting as the situations are common to many of us. Season 4 is where things began to break down more because the show was nearing it’s completion and the actors were kind of done.

Backstory, I started watching “thirtysomething” when it began (1987) and I loved it. In fact, my husband and I watched it together every week and I remember how invested we were during the two-parter where Elliot and Michael get caught up in a possible takeover of DAA. When the show folded in 1991, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I missed the last episodes in Season 4 due to having baby #3 and I missed the show overall. Lucky for me Lifetime Network picked the show up and I was able to watch it daily. Then the death knell came when out of the blue Lifetime just dropped the show for no reason. I was crushed. I kept waiting and waiting for the show to come out on dvd and almost gave up hope until one day in Amazon there was chatter about the series being released. Finally, in 2009/2010 the big day arrived! I bought each set as they were released and I’ve watched all four seasons every year (or at least every other year) since. As I write, I’m currently half way through season 4 (ETA as of 8/5/2023 – I finished the series) and it’s time to give my take on the characters. It’s long overdue. So strap yourselves in kiddies, gonna be a bumpy ride. (ETA – I’m going to break these down into several posts because there are just so many people to rant…uh…talk about.)

Michael Steadman – I always thought Ken Olin was cute and I liked his character. But I never really noticed back in the day how dark he got just by working for Miles. Some people think he saw Miles as a father figure but I don’t think so. He wanted to be successful and better than Miles because his father’s business failed and then the Michael and Elliott Company did as well. Unfortunately running after this “success” wreaked havoc on his marriage and his life. Peter Montefiore, who worked at DAA, made a statement to Michael about how he couldn’t read him and that no one really knew what Michael’s motivations were. He kept a lot hidden even from Hope. Overall, he’s a fairly strong character but he was also young – only in his 30s – so he still had a lot to learn about life, marriage, business, and friendship. I think he was steered too much by Elliot and hadn’t really thought out what he wanted.

Hope Murdoch Steadman – I’ve known women like Hope and when I was a young mom I wanted to be (and even tried to be) like them. Hope thought everything had to be perfect and she had to be in control or she just didn’t measure up with other people or herself. (I thought if I wasn’t like that then somehow I was failing as a mom.) I think that’s really what it was all about for her – control over her life. And she choked when she realized she had no control – the episode “The Guilty Party” brings all of that to light. I think had the series continued she would have needed to ease up on herself and everyone else. But would she have? I don’t think she wanted to end her marriage with Michael, she just felt less than as a stay at home mother but didn’t know how to manage the desire for both a career and motherhood. She also knew that Michael was killing himself at DAA and it didn’t align with their original values. Overall though while I could relate to all the stuff on motherhood, other things like her need to have everything just so drove me nuts. I want to add that “The Guilty Party” is one of all time favorite episodes – so damn funny but also heartbreaking as well. The quote to Hope at the end sums up how Hope needed to see herself and her life – You can be right or you can be happy.

Elliot Weston – When I was younger I thought Elliot was funny and cute, but now that I’m much older I can see him for the chump he was. He did finally get better, but oh wow, he was so selfish and self centered in the beginning of the series. Like when he left Nancy and she turned around and got a divorce attorney and he was like, “wait, what?”. Like Nancy told him, “What did you think was going to happen”. He was like a little boy who needed to grow up and he kind of did but only after life got really real. Now I yell at the tv with my take and feel better now that I can see it. I think he was a good father and he became an even better one as time went on. He really enjoyed his kids. Overall I liked Elliot – he was funny and could be a great guy but he had tendencies toward the dark side which tended to unravel him at times. In the end, he still needed to grow up and I think he was in that process.

Nancy Krieger Weston – I identified strongly with Nancy way back in the day – she was a mom, I was a mom, her life was a shambles, and ditto for me. I still identify fairly strongly with Nancy even now that I’m 60 and I’m still waiting for my moment of transformation. Nancy grew into a fierce, strong woman who knew what she wanted and figured out how to get where she wanted to be. The divorce and the book were both pivotal turning points for her. But it took the rug being ripped out from under her to realize that she could be that woman. I wish I had been that strong when I needed to be but I’m slowly getting there. Also, how she related to Ethan after the separation and reconciliation was brilliant – it’s a great course in how we can take care of our kids but also take care of ourselves.

Gary Shepherd – OMG – so cute! I loved all the jokes about how Nordic Gary looked and Peter Horton is still easy on the eyes. :D On the other hand, Gary had tendencies to stagnate and not move forward. I don’t think he didn’t want to grow up, he just didn’t know how to navigate change and move on. I actually think Susannah gave him a more solid footing in the world. In my opinion, he was not in love with Melissa. And I think them being in the same circle just kept up feelings Melissa had for him that were never going to be realized. I wish Gary had stuck to teaching at the college despite not getting tenure. He loved it and it was a way he could make a difference in people’s lives which was his value system. I don’t know as if Gary really saw that though. And we won’t even go into how devastated I was (we all were) when Gary died – I’m pretty sure I cried a bit over that at the time (and still do). I loved his character then and I still love it today. There really are no complaints here.

Ellyn Warren – I could not identify with her back in the beginning – I was a mom and she was a career woman. Nothing wrong with that it’s just not where I was at in my life even though sometimes I thought it might have been. And I cry every time I watch the episode when she has her breakdown. I’ve battled a lot with depression and know that feeling all too well when you finally have to get help. Like Susannah she needed to tell people how she really felt and given herself grace to fail. I wish she had stayed with Steve Woodman, I think he would have been good for her but they just wanted different things out of life and she wasn’t ready to settle down and I think he kind of was. And that dumpster fire of a relationship with Jeffrey – UGH. She was chasing a fairy tale instead of really checking in with herself to see what she really wanted. And let’s not forget that as the series went on her appearance softened as well. Although I will say, that cute short haircut she had in the beginning? Love it!

Melissa Steadman – This is the one character that changed A LOT over the four seasons and was the truest to herself. Yet, when it came to Gary she could not let go for some reason. Had Gary lived she would have had to come to terms with his marriage and his fatherhood and moved on. Maybe going to LA and landing something out there would have freed her to become herself. But every time we get to the episodes in season 4 where she thinks Gary should be hanging with her instead of his wife and kid, well, she’s got issues. And that part when she dated Dr. Bob for what, a month and then she dropped him because he wasn’t going to change his mind about having kids. She needed to get herself in a better place before she even thought about having kids and not make it her overarching reason for being in a relationship. I never liked the way Melissa dressed, but she wore what she felt was right for her and she owned it. She just needed to get to that point in the rest of her life and she was getting there when the series ended. I can see her moving to LA or even moving to NY to be where she had more opportunities to grow as a photographer and as a person.

Okay, so those were the seven main characters – the circle of friends. Again, these are just my opinions and musings so take it for what it is. And it’s taken me a long time to refine this post and I could refine it ’till the end of time and it still wouldn’t be what I wanted it to be, unless I took one character at a time, but then it would be too long and….yeah, never get done. So, it is what it is. I’ll be back soon to take on other characters in the show – like boyfriends and girlfriends. Stay tuned!

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Not Giving Up

August 18, 2023

On this blog challenge or, as it turns out, on this house. I had another reno guy come out today and look at the projects in this house and it was actually not bad. I wrote down everything that’s bugging me right now and went over it all with him. There are several smaller projects that are very doable, and a few larger projects (like a new damn kitchen) that are probably only pipe dreams. If I can only get the smaller projects done it will still be a win. He said, like a lot of others have said, that this house has potential. And it does, but I just need the right people and a decent amount of money to do it. Also, it’s mostly cosmetic stuff (except for the electrical and plumbing projects) so it’s not completely hopeless – it just seems like it sometimes. I’ve got a couple ideas on cash flow for all of this and may pursue those avenues. In the meantime I’m waiting on the quotes for the projects and then we can get started giving this house the TLC it deserves. So feeling a little better about everything. Now, I’m off to bed after zoning out on planner flip throughs – yeah, another addiction of mine. :D

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