Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

A Novel Idea

April 10, 2016

I’ve been listening with wild abandon to Modern Mrs. Darcy’s What Should I Read Next podcasts and making lists of all the great books she and her guests talk about. It occurred to me today that I haven’t read a novel for myself in a while – January to be exact. I read “The Hours” by Michael Cunningham after watching the movie that was based on his book and, while not light reading, I did enjoy both.

So, I looked at my shelf trying to find novels that I own. Well, the homeschool bookshelves are full of great ones and I read those with the kids. But, on a personal level I own 9 novels. Nine. Everything else is non-fiction. Then, I saw it – “Our Lady of the Lost and Found” by Diane Schoemperlen. I bought it on April 23, 2011. Still in pristine condition too because I never got around to it. So, I took it down, dusted it off, and put it on the coffee table. And as soon as I finish this other book I’m reading I shall take it up.

I need to consult my “Book Lust” books and start making a list of novels to read. And those lists I’m making from What Should I Read Now. Maybe I need to challenge myself to read one novel a month. Maybe a biography or two thrown in can count as well – I do like those. Maybe I just need to admit that I don’t like fiction as much as non-fiction? I don’t know. It’s something to pursue at any rate.

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Consistency

April 9, 2016

I realized last night that one thing I need to cultivate in my efforts to balance my life is consistency. It is something that I’m only half good at. I like this definition from Merriam-Webster:

marked by harmony, regularity, or continuity

I am really consistent about my rising and going to bed times. I wash my face and brush my teeth twice a day every day. I say morning and evening prayers. I do the grocery shopping every Saturday. So, I know I’m capable. It’s just in other areas I seem to fail. Housework is one of them. School can sometimes be another – especially in winter. I am a creative type so I can get sidetracked easily. That means that I need to cultivate consistency so that those things that need to be done get done on time and at the same time every day so that they are finished and I can move on to something I would rather be doing.

Part of this is that I am more tired these days, somewhat due to age, but more likely due to my imbalance of late. So, I need to be consistent about eating on time, taking my vitamins, and getting some kind of exercise in. I know that when that balances out I will have more energy to do the housework more consistently and easily. In the meantime, I need to do the things I need to every day even if it takes all day to do it. The done on time and at the same time every day thing will come eventually. At least I’ll be getting somewhere.

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Balance

April 7, 2016

I like this definition of balance:

“An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady”

That is not happening in my life. There is not an even distribution of weight and I’m barely upright and more shaky than steady. I know what this means for me. It means I need to get people to help out more around the house. It means I need to invest in myself more so that I am a saner happier mom and not a grouchy tired mom at the end of the day (and that is usually around 6pm). It means I need to get into a routine that works and stick to doing some things at the same time each day – like meals. It means not just reading self-help books (yeah, fell off that wagon) but also reading literature too. It might mean learning something new, or going back to school. It means not doing things that aren’t working and replacing them with things that do. Or maybe not replacing them at all so there is more time for the other things in life I want to do. Or need to do. It means limiting caffeine and giving up processed foods and sugary treats and eating more whole foods. And moving more. I’m running on empty and need to fill my tank up so I can regain my balance.

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What’s New

March 31, 2016

*I wrote this post on March 22 or 23 so the weather has changed a little – I’ll update at the end. :-)

Today is a raw wintry day despite the calendar saying spring started last Sunday. I had turned the heat off two days ago only to be turned back on this morning due to a brutal cold wind. Well, probably not as brutal as Minnesota, but to me it’s cold nonetheless.

We’re getting to the end of an emotionally difficult week and I’m taking time to slow down a little and read and relax. I have been feeling so overwhelmed this month and I’m glad that next month is our big homeschool break. I’m thinking about things I want to do and need to do and getting ready to put a plan in place. I need to add in time to take the kids places like a museum or the park or the town down the street because we haven’t been in a long time and everyone’s itching to go.

I had a counseling session that left me upset but it was good because it challenged me. She was wanting to know what I wanted to do for myself and ways to take care of me. I felt pressured though, so after I got home I wrote a list of things I wanted to do and what I didn’t want to do and that helped me regain focus. I’ve thought about it since and I know my number one priority has to be to get healthy. If I’m going to do anything else like taking care of kids, the house, or do something for me down the line like college classes, then I have to be taking care of my health first.

It was also really weird because the day after that session I went online and started finding a lot of help – it was as if God was following me around. I found this article about what self care is and isn’t. Then, I found this blog which I’d heard about but never really looked at but should have because it has a lot to do with books (and we all know I’m a bookaholic). Through her newsletters I was able to buy the e-version of Jewel’s book “Never Broken” for cheaps so I downloaded that and will listen to it next month when I have the time for something deeper. She (Modern Mrs. Darcy) has a great podcast called “What Should I Read Now” and I went to the library that day to get one of her recommendations from that show: “The Kitchen Counter Cooking School” by Kathleen Flinn. But, I also found Flinn’s first book, “The Sharper Your Knife, The Less You Cry” about her time at Le Cordon Bleu so I took that out too. And finished it in two days. Today I will start the other one.

So, I feel a little buoyed up now and thinking about my life and what I’d like to do with it when the time presents itself.

*Today is March 31 so I’ll update. I am almost done with “Kitchen Counter Cooking School” and I would highly recommend it if you would like to learn to cook simple healthy meals for yourself/your family. Kathleen Finn also has videos on YouTube including videos about the volunteers for the books as well as tutorials like knife skills so check it out.

Only two days of school left and time for our break. I feel so depleted. Part of it is not taking care of myself and part is just exhaustion from the last few months. My focus for April will be taking care of me – my health and my sanity. I am also going to start decluttering each room – things are really messy right now.

And the weather has been a roller coaster ride. Warm, cold, warm, cold and last night we had tornadic storms. Welcome spring. :-P

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Weekend Gallery

March 20, 2016

Hey folks, just dropping in for a quick gallery. I’m cooking supper (pork roast, broccoli, and stuffing) but I wanted to post these while I had the time (and was thinking about it because my brain is like a sieve these days). Let’s go.

These are puppets my oldest daughter made for re-enacting a scene in Romeo and Juliet. Pretty sweet, no?

Here we have Twilight Sparkle and some unknown seahorse. At first glance you might think they’re totally unrelated, but look at the coloring. I think that one of them wants to be like the other one. Right?

Speaking of my oldest daughter, she is all about churros. So, when I spied these I knew I had to take a photo to show her. Personally I think they look sickeningly sweet. Like Oreo Twinkies.

And here we have Nut-trition packs for Men. Get it – nuts for his….never mind. :-)

It’s almost Easter and we all know what that means! Yeah, a SWAT team basket o’ goodies for your son. What a great way to celebrate the love and mercy of Jesus.

So, there you are – a quick run through of this week’s blog fodder. We only have two weeks of school before our BIG break in April and I’ve got plans for that. I know, like the plans I had for last week right? Well, I can dream.

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Spring Break

March 15, 2016

It’s spring break here and I had a great idea on how to use it, but decided piss on it. I’ll do the housework basics and then do some things that make me happy each day. I’m in a rocky patch again and wonder if the way is ever going to be smooth. I’m in counseling for the thousandth time. So it’s chocolate, magazines, movies, and a good cry.

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Weekend Gallery

February 28, 2016

Today I have on tap a very long overdue Weekend Gallery for your viewing pleasure. I tend to drop off the face of the earth in January due to the cold, gray days and holiday aftermath. Also, I just hadn’t found much to take pictures of recently so I didn’t really think about it. But, the last couple of weekends I’ve found some good things so it’s time to share again. So, on with the show.

In January I decided to have a dual birthday party for me and Mozart. Our celebration of Mozart’s birthday includes watching Amadeus and having goodies. Everyone was old enough to watch this year and so there were an abundance of finger food goodies. This is my plate.

Yes, there is a story behind this photo. Becky wanted a brick for her birthday, so I put a present in a box and then colored the wrap to look like a brick. Wasn’t good enough – she wanted a real brick. So, for Christmas, Chris (who had drawn her name) gave her a brick which she was thrilled about. She put it in her room and enshrined two of her pigs in it. The one on the left is a puzzle she also got for Christmas. It turned about to be a right palava and two of her brothers had to step in and help after a tearful day.

And here we have the official Hamburger Helper Meat Chopper. Can’t imagine people not buying HH because they can’t “chop” the meat. With a spoon.

I put these two sets next to each other on purpose, except I really needed to add a blue baby peep and take away a pink baby peep. Otherwise, it’s our family. :-) And yes I do look tired don’t I?

And, of course, Easter wouldn’t be complete without Peeps milk….Peeps milk? Ewwww.

That concludes today’s Weekend Gallery for this week. Next week I’ll try to get the Bear Edition up. Christmas 2015 was quite fun. Have a happy week everyone!

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Music Monday – The Carpenters

February 23, 2016

On Saturday I was cruising tv channels with the remote when I landed on a local PBS station running a recent documentary on The Carpenters. Well, I had to watch. I loved them. I first fell in love with the two songs “Hurting Each Other” and “Yesterday Once More” when visiting family in CA one summer. I was hooked. When I was living in London and was about 12 or 13 I would often be in my room listening to their songs (on cassette tape) and coloring, writing in my diary, and singing along to every song. Loved those songs.

At the end of the show when they were talking about Karen Carpenter’s anorexia and death, the tears started in. I remember well the morning I awoke to the news that she was gone. I thought, how could that be – she was so young. I had no idea she’d struggled with an eating disorder (and truly didn’t know much about them then) but I guess her body just gave out. It was February 4, 1983 – a beautiful life gone but thankfully her voice lives on through the music.

Well, after the show, I lit a candle, said a prayer for her, and put on that homemade music cd from a couple years back while I cooked. And the tears just wouldn’t stop. I don’t know whether it was the sadness of a life gone too soon or thinking of my own life marching forward into middle age now – so far removed from my London bedroom. How those days gone by seem so very long ago yet so near on a day warm with spring.

So today, in honor of Karen and Richard Carpenter, my personal favorite “Yesterday Once More”. And no commentary from me this time – this song captures exactly how music was, is, and always will be for me. RIP Karen – you are loved and missed. Thank you for the beautiful music.

When I was young
I’d listen to the radio
Waitin’ for my favorite songs
When they played I’d sing along
It made me smile

Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they’d gone
But they’re back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well

Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they’re starting to sing’s
So fine

When they get to the part
Where he’s breakin’ her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It’s yesterday once more

Lookin’ back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed

It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I’d memorize each word
Those old melodies
Still sound so good to me
As they melt the years away

Every sha-la-la-la
Every wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they’re starting to sing’s
So fine

All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry
Just like before
It’s yesterday once more

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It’s February?

February 5, 2016

Yes, it is February. I spent the last couple of weeks of January in angst over several things, a couple of which were the deaths of David Bowie and Alan Rickman. Oh God, if they can die well, what hope is there for me right? My birthday was good – I decided to celebrate both mine and Mozart’s and watch Amadeus and eat lots of little treats. All of the kids watched this year as well so it was a family thing.

The groundhog says spring is on the way – yaaaaaaay! Wait, what? Oh, yeah it’s only six more weeks until spring anyway? Sooo, that groundhog thing means diddly. And I’ve started the month off by getting sick. Luckily it’s a short lived virus. I felt good enough today to balance the accounts and file papers – things I always feel better about when they are done. My thing has always been: if the bills are paid, we have food in the house, and gas in the car we are fine. So, we’re fine.

My plans for taking all year kind of ground to a halt as well without me really realizing it. To get back on track, I think this month I’ll start reading “The Body Book” by Cameron Diaz, and stop using my body as a dumping ground and treat it better. That’s really where it starts – with awareness of what I’m doing and not doing. The decluttering? Yeah, need to get back in that too. I have a bunch of stuff to go to recycling and Goodwill so will get that done this weekend. What else, oh the anger thing. Working on it, however Tuesday evening rush hour was a real trip – didn’t do so well that day. I need to make a to do list of sorts on these things for the month to keep me going in the right direction.

And that’s where I’m at. Still alive and still moving forward. I have all year.

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David Bowie – RIP

January 12, 2016

When I woke up yesterday the news hit me like a ton of bricks – David Bowie dead at 69. OMG! It’s like I’ve lost a good friend. Even though I never knew him, I knew his music and that’s a little bit like knowing the person isn’t it? So, I wanted to take a little time to talk about his music and what it meant to me.

The first song I ever heard was “Space Oddity”. That was 1973, although the song first came out in 1969 coinciding with the landing on the moon. The music was mesmerizing to me at the time – I was all of 10 – and the lyrics even more so because space flight was the thing back then. Watching Bowie on Top of the Pops along with others like Marc Bolan, Sweet, and Slade is just a defining moment in my life. It’s where my love of music really got its start so the fact that he is now gone makes it feel that some part of me is gone too.

Fame was another of my favorites – especially the part where the word Fame is taken from super high pitched to very low tones. I thought it was kind of funny at the time (I was young remember). I still like that part, but I also understand the meaning behind the song so it’s even better now. Golden Years was another song of his that I liked and, HA, now I’m in my golden years. Wah, wah, wahhhh.

I didn’t hear much from Bowie again (although I do remember Young Americans) until 1980 with Ashes to Ashes. We (my friends and I) didn’t get this one at the time and consequently didn’t like it much. The video was weird, but our favorite part was the steamroller behind the troupe and the women seemingly touching the ground as if to bless it. In reality, they were picking up the hems of their gowns so they wouldn’t trip and fall and be squitched by said steamroller. Oh wow! A year ago I looked up the video, the lyrics, and the history surrounding it. Bowie said it was like a goodbye to the 70’s and burying the past with it. Yes, I see that now.

A few years later it was “Modern Love”, “Let’s Dance”, and “China Girl”. At the time I thought, OMG he’s back! And in a big way too. He seemed to always reinvent himself over the years – his music changed and grew as he got older and I think that’s just the way it should be. We are humans after all and we do evolve even through our own lifetimes. I loved the videos for all three of these songs and thought how marvelous that he was back again. Then, it seems that was it. Probably because I got married and was in the kid bubble as I’ve mentioned before. He was still making music, but I wasn’t attuned to it.

I was watching a biography on Freddie Mercury once and they showed a concert clip of Queen’s after Freddie had died. David Bowie was there (probably to perform Under Pressure) and he got down on one knee and led the thousands there in saying the Our Father for Freddie. To say that I was touched would be an understatement.

And now, he’s gone, only days after releasing his last album which apparently was how he wanted it. It’s a gift and a goodbye from him to us and he leaves an incredible legacy to musicians who are up and coming, those who have been influenced by him and to those of us who simply enjoyed his music.

Rest in peace David Bowie and may perpetual light shine upon you. Thank you for sharing your genius with us – your star will always shine bright in our hearts.

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