Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Living in a big city

August 4, 2016

(I thought of a much better title for this post, but, because I’m old, my brain purges everything the minute I think of it.)

If I started a bucket list, this might just be the first item I put on it – to live in a big city again. Either that or live in a small city where there is plenty to do and places are accessible without getting in a car.

See, I live in a small town (some people call it a city, but I don’t – it’s not a city by any stretch). A small town where all the mom and pop grocery stores folded when the big boys moved in. There had been a little grocery store right down the street from where we live which our neighbors tell us was great. They could easily get what they needed by walking and, when the kids were older, they could go to the store for mom. Now? We have to get in a car to get to any grocery store – most people here do. A few are lucky enough to live within walking distance of a store, but we aren’t. We also live close to two of the busiest roads in town which mean you almost get killed just trying to cross those streets because everyone thinks they’re driving on the Autobahn. And in a terrible twist of fate, our one and only bookstore is getting axed because the chain went out of business. That means the closest bookstore is 60 miles away. Swell.

I’ve been reading the Humans of New York books (and also a recent post on Dinner A Love Story – long, but worth the read) and just yearn for all those wonderful places to eat, museums, parks, interesting stores. Sure, big cities aren’t ideal for everyone, I realize that, but for me it just sounds idyllic.

I lived in London for 5 1/2 years of my very young teen life. I didn’t realize how great it was then (maybe a little) because I took a lot of it for granted. Until I moved back here. That’s when I realized what a great thing I had lost. In London, all the food stores were a short walking distance away from our flat. My mother took her trolly-on-wheels and went shopping most every day. There was a bakery, a produce store, a butcher shop, a fish store, and even an old timey candy store (my favorite besides the bookstore of course). Fresh food all the time! She rarely went to the two little supermarkets because she knew she could do better by going to all the other places. They probably knew their customers by heart as well. I think she was terribly lucky.

There was also a lot to do within walking distance and plenty you could get to by public transportation. You didn’t need a car! The parks, theaters, restaurants, the yummy smelling coffee roasters. Oh, and the walking tours we took in school – those were awesome! So much history to learn about and a lot of it right in your own neighborhood! It wasn’t a perfect time, but looking back on it, it was pretty sweet.

So, all this to say, I might actually start a bucket list and put “I want to live in a big(ger) city” on it. Dream on!

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Another Circle – Another Season

August 3, 2016

Four years ago I wrote two posts – one was a send off to my third son who was off to college. The following post was about the song The Circle Game by Joni Mitchell. Well, four more years have come and gone and that son who went to college? He is now about to embark on the next journey of his life – 1500 miles away to a new job and a new life. But that’s not all! My fourth son who just turned 20 yesterday is moving out today – luckily only across town – but still…it’s moving out. He is also ready to go out to meet the world apart from the family. It happens. My mama heart is really hurting though. Even more transitions are coming this year and I’m not sure my heart won’t break.

While I haven’t put together a big send-off post for Steve (yet), I want to go back to The Circle Game and post those words again. When Chris moved out, Steve was in his 16th season so this song was so appropriate in so many ways. I cried a lot of tears then too. You’d think I’d be better at this letting go thing, but when you are a mother, it doesn’t get any easier, it’s just a hurt you have that you can’t really explain except to another mom.

The Circle Game

Yesterday a child came out to wonder
Caught a dragonfly inside a jar
Fearful when the sky was full of thunder
And tearful at the falling of a star

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

Then the child moved ten times round the seasons
Skated over ten clear frozen streams
Words like when you’re older must appease him
And promises of someday make his dreams

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

Sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
Cartwheels turn to car wheels thru the town
And they tell him take your time it won’t be long now
Till you drag your feet to slow the circles down

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
There’ll be new dreams maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through

And the seasons they go round and round
And the painted ponies go up and down
We’re captive on the carousel of time
We can’t return we can only look
Behind from where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game

-Words and Music by Joni Mitchell

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Weekend Gallery

July 24, 2016

We’re halfway through summer and gearing up for another school year soon. Hopefully to be followed by cooler fall weather as well. I can’t really complain though, before last week’s heat wave, we had almost two weeks of rain almost every morning. Definitely better than some previous summers we’ve had! Anyway, I have been snapping away and here’s the fodder from those sessions.

First we have some microwave popcorn called Mallow Magic that is supposed to taste like Rice Krispie Treats. Uh…oookaaay. I think I’d just rather make the treats. Although it was intriguing, I didn’t buy it.

Continuing in the food vein, here we have three “milks” in various flavors. I didn’t show these to son #4 because I was afraid he’d actually get these – he did the last time I found some. UGH.

Now here’s something that’s actually cool – a sushi set for your Barbie! No, really – they now have all kinds of little extras like food, cooking utensils, beauty supplies, new accessory sets, and on and on. Very cool! I would have loved these back in the day. No matter where we were on vacation in the States, I always sought out the toy department just to look at the dolls and doll clothes. There used to be a lot of wedding dresses to choose from too, but no more. I really wish Mattel would bring back a good assortment of those. With all the new goodies and the Barbies in real girl sizes – it’s getting good again.

Oh dear God, I can’t believe Sandra Lee still makes things. Here’s a magazine that you can read from one end to the middle and then flip it around and do the same to see “recipes” of almost 300 cakes. Don’t even get me started on her cake wrecks. Sure, I’m not good at it myself, but at least I make my cakes and frosting mostly from scratch.

At last – I found a cup that is completely me! Why yes I AM the Frap Queen – every stinkin’ summer. Bahahahahaha! I have to say, however, I’ve been going back to Iced Coffees lately and enjoying them again. The newest one – Iced Coconut Mocha Macchiato (which probably has a thousand calories in it) – is really good. They’ve been running out of them early in the day this year though so everyone else likes them too.

And that’s a wrap. I’ve got plenty more pictures so I’ll be back next week for another edition of Weekend Gallery.

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Music Monday

July 11, 2016

Today’s offering is a song from 1982 called Words by Missing Persons. I think this song is even more relevant today than it was back then considering all the “social media” we now have. Back in 1982 there were no cell phones, no Facebook, no Twitter. We had to actually go somewhere with someone and talk with them or we called them on an actual phone plugged in a wall. Ah, those were the days.

There was a commercial called “Rediscover the Lost Art of Getting Together” and it was about someone in a kind of museumand the “exhibits” showed people doing things together way back in the “old days” (you know, like the 80’s or 90’s). Without all the distractions we have now, we usually reached out to others more often. Now, reaching out involves liking someone’s Facebook post.

I’m not saying all technology is bad. I’m saying, we need to be careful how we use it so we don’t put ourselves in a box and never see anyone or tell anyone how we really feel through real and honest conversation.

Anywho, before I start going down a rabbit trail, I’ll just get started on the actual song.

Words by Missing Persons

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care

My lips are moving and the sound’s coming out
The words are audible but I have my doubts
That you realize what has been said
You look at me as if you’re in a daze
It’s like the feeling at the end of the page
When you realize you don’t know what you just read

Yep, I’ve talked with people like that and yes, I’ve done it too. Sometimes the kids ask me if they could do something and apparently I say “yes” and I don’t remember. Ooops. Still, I try to be there. The last few days the kids and I have been having some awesome conversations about things and it has been so rewarding! I know sometimes it’s difficult to listen to some people, but it’s a skill we can all cultivate. It means a lot to the person talking.

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talkin’ at all

Even truer today than it was back then. Oh, and while I do have a “smart” phone, I barely use it. The computer is still my domain and yes, there are days I’m on it more than I should or I use it to withdraw when stresses get to me. I just need to replace it with something more productive like exercise or maybe cracking out that dusty scrapbooking stuff.

I might as well go up and talk to a wall
’cause all the words are having no effect at all
It’s a funny thing, am I all alone

Yeah, I’ve had those “conversations”. That’s a whole ‘nuther post though.

Something has to happen to change the direction
What filters through is giving you the wrong impression
It’s a sorry state, I say to myself

And this is just it – why am I talking to you if you’re not listening, if you’re not commenting, if you’re not validating?! I was talking with my hair stylist a month ago and in tears over some things going on, and she actually validated everything I had said. No one had done that for me and I felt like I had finally been heard.

I bought a book called “The Relationship Cure” and it is about this very thing – really listening and really talking which equals a real conversation which makes a real relationship. I’ve been a broken record to my kids telling them the same thing – if you want to have a relationship you have to do the work, you have to talk about stuff, you have to listen, you have to act.

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talking at all

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care

Let me get by
Over your dead body
Hope to see you soon
When will I know
Doors three feet wide with no locks open
Walking always backwards in the faces of strangers
Time could be my friend
But it’s less than nowhere now
Less than nowhere now
Less than nowhere now
Now
Ow ow ow

Hmmm, not really sure about this except the “let me get by, over your dead body” which could mean “let me through, I’m done, you don’t care anyway” and leaving. I think the “doors three feet wide with no locks open” might be about people who seem to be open, but really they aren’t. I don’t know. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what someone is trying to say, and sometimes it’s not what you think they’re saying in a song anyway. Let me think about it.

Pursue it further and another thing you’ll find
Not only are they deaf and dumb they could be going blind

No one notices, I think I’ll dye my hair blue

This made me remember a time when I cut my hair. By myself. Don’t ask. The funny thing was, I ran into a friend of mine the day after I did that and she said, “Oh you got your hair cut! It looks great!” I laughed my ass off because it seriously did not look great. I think people do things like that because when words fail to get attention, what’s the next thing you do? Act out. Kids do it and some adults do too because they feel it’s the only way to be heard. And often it doesn’t do any good anyway.

Media overload bombarding you with action
It’s getting near impossible to cause distraction
Someone answer me before I pull out the plug

I don’t watch the news anymore because it does become a distraction – a stressful thing that is hard to deal with. So, pull the plug – on social media, on tv, on radio – whatever it takes to bring you peace again. I’m still trying to move towards an Unplugged Sunday – hopeful I can still make it happen some day. I think it’s also a more serious meaning – feeling like no one is listening and that no one cares. Another reason we need to take the time for those who really need a friend.

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talkin at all

What are words for when no one listens anymore
What are words for when no one listens
What are words for when no one listens it’s no use talkin at all

Do you hear me
Do you care
Do you hear me
Do you care
tell me what are words for

So, give the song a listen and if you watch the video (and you’ve never seen it) be forewarned, Dale Bozio, who sings, isn’t wearing much. I always thought of her as the “Bubble Boob” lady. And I think that’s part of the whole feeling of this song as well. And the guys wearing makeup? Um, yeah, we just did that back in the 80’s and it didn’t mean a thing. Just another form of expression or, maybe in this case, part of the performance. Enjoy!

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Weekend Gallery

May 22, 2016

It’s time for a new Weekend Gallery! I’ve taken quite a few pictures which should be enough for the next couple of weeks or so. Enjoy!

I know since we’re heading toward the 40th anniversary of the Star Wars movie next year and they released another one this year there’s going to be new stuff on the shelves but mascara?? I mean – what’s the point? It colors your eye lashes – big deal! And colored mascara? BTDT. Yeah – not new people.

These I just don’t understand. Kind of reminds me of the Big Shoe Dance in Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure though. :-)

Sending thank you cards is always a nice gesture. However, make sure you send these to someone who appreciate’s bawdy humor. I laughed my butt off when I saw these.

They have boxes of apple crisp topping mix in the store (which makes zero sense), but now you can buy individual crisps in the canned fruit aisle! My original stance still stands – making a fruit crisp is incredibly easy! Yes, even individual ones. *smh*

Hey, I’m all for truth in advertising, but this is a carton of milk people – do you really have to add that it contains milk?? I’m sure if you have a milk allergy you will not even go near the milk cartons so this is just…just. Le sigh.

And this last one is a Hall of Fame picture – a 1979 Corvette! I love Corvettes (What? I haven’t ever talked about this?!). It’s my very favorite car. I’m not much on the new ones though, it’s the older ones from the 70’s that I love. They had so much more uniqueness and still had the signature round brake lights. There are about 2 of these old beauties in our town and I see them every once in a great while. I always sigh when they go by on the road – a great blast from the past.

Well, there you have it for this week. Join me again next week for more of the interesting and insane to be found around.

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Still Here

May 21, 2016

I thought I’d better say something like “I’m still alive” in case there is anyone out there wondering. I just really haven’t had time or the inclination to write anything for the last month. Sure, I’ve written a couple of possible posts, just haven’t finished them and posted. My heart is heavy due to a kid graduating from college and he will be moving 1500 miles away in three months. I am working through that. I am physically and mentally exhausted and feel like I’m going through most of my days in a fog. I have decisions to make that I’m not making and things to do that I’m not doing. It’s an odd place to be, but not really sure I can put my finger on exactly what is going on. So, I’m just going with burned out. To a freakin’ crisp. I do have a zillion new pictures for Weekend Gallery fodder so maybe I’ll do that tomorrow. At any rate, I’m here, but in some ways I’m not. Oh yeah, and sorry for it’s being just one paragraph but burned out people just don’t give a crap about grammar sometimes.

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Feeling Better

April 20, 2016

We’ve all been sick…again. Bleh! This time a nasty cold virus wound it’s way through the family and, as usual, everyone got varying shades of it. The good news is – we’re all feeling better now and getting back to a more normal life after two weeks of this. Hopefully that’s it for awhile.

I started the morning off feeling pretty good, then kind of sad. To get out of my mid-morning pity party, I cleaned myself up, threw some laundry in, and while I was waiting for my clothes to get done I gave myself a little manicure with this – the hydrating kit. Then I played some Animal Crossing on my DS. I also pulled a menu plan together for the rest of the week which is great because that’s one less thing I have to think about. I need to get a 4-6 week plan going. Really.

After lunch, I went shopping. First I went to K-mart to try on some of the cute shirts I saw – didn’t really like any of them. Well I did but I just didn’t like them on me. Oh well. Then, I went to Starbucks to get a frapp and an almond croissant. To finish, I went to Walmart to do some last minute birthday shopping for son #5 (we’ll celebrate on Friday). I managed to find a cute nightgown and robe set for under $20 while I was there which was awesome.

I came home, called my mom, and made meatloaf, potatoes, and peas for supper. I feel like even though it was a rocky start, the day turned out quite all right. Glad to be feeling better.

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Steady and Stable

April 13, 2016

I found two more words to add to my vocabulary:

Steady:

firmly fixed, supported, or balanced

Stable:

not likely to fall or give way

Balanced, steady, and stable seem to be interrelated. First there must be balance and then we can be steady which leads to being stable. We’re firmly fixed in place. Our habits, our emotions, our lives.

Today, at 9am, I was still in my pajamas and robe awaiting my clothes getting dried so that I’d have something to wear when I got out of the shower. This is how I was years and years ago and I never thought I’d go back to that place, but here I am at 53 and it seems things have come around in a circle. I’m not sure why that is. But I do know what the imbalance is and I need to move things from one side of the me scale to the other until I achieve a more balanced life.

One key thing I need to practice: self discipline. I have to make up my mind that I am going to do some new things and I’m going to stick to doing those things until I do them every day. And if one way doesn’t work, I’ll come up with a new way until I find what works for me.

I read somewhere recently that women of my mom’s generation (and before her) just did what they were supposed to do. When one woman asked her mom how she managed to take care of a home and raise several children the mom said, “I don’t know. I just did it.” I think that’s what my mom’s attitude was too. I’m going to get back to that. Which leads into what Master Yoda had to say about trying:

“Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

I’m down with that.

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Revisiting “thirtysomething”…again

April 12, 2016

I saw this article today (although it was written on February 11) and how this year was the 25th anniversary of Gary Shepherd’s death on “thirtysomething”. That led to looking up more articles on thirtysomething and the reaction to Gary’s death. Again. Yeah, I’ve done this before. Lots of times. It seems like every spring and fall I always turn to thirtysomething for some reason. April of 1988 has such strong memories for me as it is and maybe thirtysomething is a catalyst for that…I don’t know.

I Skyped my older brother about it because I know he watched the show and he said he’s going to watch the pilot again and I said we’d need to discuss it afterwards. Actually, I already watched the pilot last week. :-) What I want to do is watch one episode every week just as if it was on tv again and match the original dates up as much as possible. Hopefully this fall. Right now though I may run through a few of my favorite episodes over the next few weeks.

I found a few other articles – some that were written at the time that episode aired, and others that reflected on the show as a whole but in more current times. It affected so many of us and not in an entitled whiny way either as so many people would think. It was the one show most like real life and we ate it up, we bonded with the characters, we even had traits of some of (or alot of) those characters. And Gary’s death? That was the most real thing of all.

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Stepping Back

April 11, 2016

It’s Monday and it’s a busy one – two sick kids, one getting better. The sick kids led to two dental appointments being cancelled and rescheduled. I am getting caught up on laundry, vacuuming and sweeping. I am also decluttering a little each day as well – I currently have bags in the back of the van awaiting Goodwill drop off. All of this led me back to what I had been thinking about April recently – I need to get all of this stuff done! Oh, wait a minute, wasn’t there these goals that would take all year instead? Yeah, forgot about that.

So, it’s time to evaluate what is getting done and what’s not getting done. What needs to be done when and working the bigger projects all year while staying up on the daily and weekly stuff. What in my system is currently working and what is not.

I’m glad I caught myself before rushing headlong (again) into things without a plan. And when you have a large family you have to have a plan or you can get sidetracked quite easily.

That’s what I will do this week – evaluate and make plans. I know it sounds rigid, but it’s not. I need to have some order and when things are out of sorts so am I. I also need to have time to do quiet things like read or watch something that I enjoy or even be creative. That’s why I’m stepping back to see the whole picture and then focusing in on the details.

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