Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Get Off the Bus

May 3, 2018

So, I had this dream last night about being on a bus. Actually, my kids and husband were supposed to be with me too but I never really saw them – just knew they were there. It was a nice bus, and we were travelling along nicely until we got to the bus station. This is where the bus was to be serviced and then we’d get back on. The number of the bus was something like 8B and I needed to remember it to find the bus back. However, the bus station was huge and confusing and busy and I got lost. But, then, the bus driver showed me the inside of the station and there was a lot of food – good food – that reminded me of the Ferry Building in San Francisco. I really wanted to stay but needed to get back on the bus so I didn’t miss it. When I did finally find the bus and it left the station I realized my family wasn’t there. I looked behind me in the seats we originally had and they were empty. I was sitting with a frazzled mom with 4 little kids and when I asked if I could get back out of the seat she was not happy.

Now, I looked all of this up because sometimes I feel my psyche is trying to tell me something. I had a lot of pregnancy dreams over the last 15 years, but now they have changed to travelling dreams. Buses, boats, trains – all going somewhere. I think it’s got a lot to do with my life changes of being in transition from full time mom to all my kids being in school and what am I going to do now? All the bus stuff has to do with feeling stuck, waiting for something to happen, Riding the bus means I’m going along with the crowd, and being a mom you kind of do. You’re in the mom crowd, but that’s not the crowd I’m in now with 4 adult kids and 4 teens. The bus driver means going around in circles – seems to fit the rest of the bus stuff. To dream of getting on the wrong bus means you don’t trust your own judgment. “You are conflicted between what you want and what others want for you”. Yeah – that sounds about right.

Right now I am looking forward to having all my daughters in school and carving out some time for me. I realized last night that the one piece of my life that is missing (and has been missing for a long time) is personal development. I have never felt I could do anything for myself that I really enjoyed either out of guilt or just not finding those things I would like to do. This is something I’m really going to start doing because it is way past time to do it.

There have been women in the past who developed themselves and they had large families too. They loved school and even went to college. They became writers or seamstresses or whatever. They didn’t hold themselves back or let others hold them back. This is something I’ve done and it’s time to stop. All my kids can take care of themselves – they are in process of developing their own talents which I’ve always encouraged. Me? No, no encouragment there. I have no one to do that for me either so it just dropped off the radar. Until last night.

So, this dream seems to be an extension of that and it’s time to wake up and pay attention. Scary? Yes. Needful – a thousand times yes!

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New Month – New Goals

April 17, 2018

Yay – it’s April! Oh, wait, it’s January. No, it’s April. That’s how the weather has been since Easter weekend – cold with a little ice thrown in for good measure and barely any warm days. That leaves me feeling not great per usual and I need to have more energy. Today it’s lovely though and I decided I need to have a couple new goals for me as another school year ends and we transition into another season.

So, you know I do Flylady, but I don’t pay much attention to the monthly focus because frankly I think it’s tipping the scales on the end of too much. Especially if you’re already overwhelmed. However, the monthly habit for May is exercise and I would have to say that this is a perfect time to get going on that one. To tell the truth, I really have no excuses except my inner perfectionist wants conditions to be perfect. :-P So, it’s time to break free of that and schedule something in daily.

The habit for June is drinking water, but I’m going to start doing that now so that my body will be primed for the exercise next month and, obviously, keeping it going from now on. Which means I need to do something different in June and I think it’s time to do the vegetable and fruit dance. Summer is perfect for that since there is an abundance of good fresh foods. I’m going to buy the fruits and veggies I love and start with those. Once in a while I can experiment with something new, but eating what I love should help get the ball rolling.

Those will be my new goals. I already feel like I’m failing from writing it out, but one of these days I won’t fail and I will get started and keep the momentum going. At least it’s a simple plan.

So, here’s to spring and new beginnings. And baby steps to better health.

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Happy Easter!

April 1, 2018

Exult, let them exult, the hosts of heaven,
exult, let Angel ministers of God exult,
let the trumpet of salvation
sound aloud our mighty King’s triumph!

O happy fault
that earned for us so great, so glorious a Redeemer!

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March Update

March 31, 2018

If you want to make God laugh, tell Him about your plans. – Woody Allen

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Out of Synch

March 30, 2018

Yeah, the minute I said I was crushing it in February was the beginning of fail for March. The good news is – I can always start again because each day, each minute, is a new beginning. And we need to take advantage of that.

So, the plan is – grocery shop today, Easter prep tomorrow, a freezing cold Easter on Sunday, and starting over on Monday. Kids are out of school today and Monday so that helps. I realized part of my problem is having to make sure dishes get done daily. My husband had been doing that, but he’s got a new job that is physically exhausting so he needs the rest on the days he works. I probably need to get my kids to help in this department because when I get behind, it takes a lot of time to get caught back up. I hope a new dryer is coming along too because that’s causing backups as well.

Anyway – off to shop on this Good Friday. I usually keep it quiet today and get busy on Saturday, but the weather is better for shopping today so this is the plan.

Happy Easter Triduum – truly, my favorite liturgy of the year.

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I Got Nothin’

March 27, 2018

It’s Day 3 of gray, rain, and now cold and I’m not doing well. I’ve had a headache since Sunday – I thought it was due to massive amounts of caffeine, but I think it’s sinus. I’m slowly getting better so I’m having a half cup of coffee with lots of milk because I.just.need.it.

In other news, there is a looming teacher strike in our state so two of my kids will be out for an indefinite number of days. Luckily I homeschooled those two kids and so I’ve got plans to keep the learning going while they are out. Speaking of homeschooling, it’s catalog time and I’m just depressed since this is probably my last year of it. One of the companies came out with a brilliant unit study and it’s killing me that I can’t use it…or can I. *insert evil laugh*

My beauty trek continues and I’ve actually found a routine that is working. I want to try one more foundation before I say yes to the IT CC Cream but otherwise, I think I can actually stick with this stuff for awhile. I’ve tried a couple of others and they did a number on my skin. I went back to the CC Cream and voila! just like new. Or as good to new as my skin will get. I decided that I’m not going to let the fails get me down and to be annoying to the gals in the beauty stores until I find what works.

I was watching an old Richard Simmons Deal-A-Meal commercial today while eating chocolate ice cream and eating Amaretti cookies. Is there something wrong with that?

Well, that’s all I’ve got today. When the sun is out I’ll be chatty again.

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A Quick Definition

March 24, 2018

I’ve been thinking about decluttering since my home has gotten cluttered up again and I’m trying to get back on the Flylady bandwagon which may or may not be working. Although, I did watch this video yesterday which said not to worry about decluttering until routines are in place. HA! Seems I’m on the right track after all. :-D

I also have been watching other videos on homemaking and organization, and I realized today, after looking at my clutter, that decluttering is simply about getting your home free of junk and getting what you do use organized in a way that makes living easier and less stressful. It even makes cleaning your home easier because there isn’t that much to clean or take care of. Yeah, I probably already knew that, but when it hits you while actually looking at your overcrowded shelves, it’s a motivator. And it seems I should write that down somewhere so I’ll remember why I’m doing what I’m doing. I also need to give it time – it’s not going to get un-messy in a day or even a month. I’m not the patient type, but I need to learn to wait.

Another good thing to remember: You have to do it and not just think about doing it. As in – you actually have to do the work, live your faith, give the money, and not just read the book or have an idea and not do anything about it. Thinking does not equate doing. Although some psychologists tell you your brain doesn’t know the difference, well, your house will. Or someone else will reap the blessings of giving. Know what I mean?

Happy Saturday and let’s go for the burn this last week of Lent.

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St. Joseph – Pray For Me!

March 19, 2018

Yes indeed – today is St. Joseph’s Feast Day and guess what? In the heat of the battles of the day, I forgot. I didn’t remember until, tired, I turned the tv on and there it was – Holy Mass for the Feast of St. Joseph. Oh boy….

Let me start at the top. I was having breakfast at the computer and the resident big fly kept dive bombing me. I tried to get it, but couldn’t, so I closed up shop and left. Then, when I took my shower in the kids’ bathroom (the water heater for the master has been dead for a long time), what did I spy? An overflowing trash can! Yep, tissues were dropped around the can by someone who didn’t care whether or not the tissues went in the can. One of my kids had a dental appointment with a completely new hygienist. The one that we started with 6 years ago had left the practice. That didn’t go well either. Then, it was a long line in Starbucks and off to the store to get food. Got the food home and guess what? The soup cans were rusty! So, we ended up with only turkey sandwiches and fruit for lunch. All of that left me angry the rest of the day and I couldn’t shake it. Until after supper when I turned the tv on and remembered it was St. Joseph’s Day. UGH! So, I watched and prayed and relaxed.

I’m sorry St. Joseph for forgetting your special day. I even forgot to wish my son, who bears your name, a happy feast day. Sorry for being angry at everyone and everything today. Sorry that I seem to be making no progress towards love of God and neighbor. I’m trying, but some days…some days. Pray for me and my family – we could really use some help. Thanks. Amen.

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Complicating Things

March 18, 2018

Remember yesterday’s post about how I’ve fallen off the wagon again? Well, I do know what happened – I’ve made things more complicated than they need to be. I do it all the time. Let me explain – it goes something like this:

1) Woo-hoo! I found the answer to all my problems! Let’s get started!

2) Oh, this, this, and this would be so helpful and it seems to go with what I’m already doing!

3) Spend more money, read more books, buy more stuff all to make this new project work.

4) BURNOUT! Slow down or stop completely wondering where I went wrong and why I’m so tired.

I get so carried away that, in my zeal, I add things I don’t need to add. I burden myself with more than I should. I get distracted and stop doing what I started doing in the first place. I need to start sticking to the program as is. If I find something that seems to be along the same lines, I need to ask myself will it really help me or is it just another filler to distract me. If it’s a book, I can see if the library has it in one form or another and see if it’s helpful. If it’s another plan, I need to say no and stick to what I’m already doing. If there are things that look like they might be helpful, I should see if I already have something before buying something else.

It’s kind of like when you start a new skincare or workout regimen – both take time to show results. I need to give things time to show results. Impatience is another problem I have. :-P

So, as I said yesterday, I’m going to stick with what I’m already doing. Today, I’m having to play catch up with some things so that I get a clean start tomorrow. And I’ll be on the lookout for distractions.

Note: This whole thing reminds me of my “Do One Thing” post from last year. Guess I need to get back to that.

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Falling Off the Wagon

March 17, 2018

Remember how last month turned out great? Well, this month is turning into a disaster! I’m not sure what’s happened but I’ve fallen off the routine wagon and the paper jam in the office has multiplied!

I came home after a much needed road trip today with the family feeling tired and kind of defeated as well. Don’t get me wrong it was a fun day, but it was also tiring. Then, I looked around and realized all hell has broken loose again. Ugh. So, it’s time for a reboot. Here’s the plan:

1) WATER! And I’m going to track it this time. Being dehydrated is probably slowing me down.

2) Routines – jumping back in and making sure everything keeps getting done.

3) Planning – Time to get things down on paper and check those lists off.

That’s the plan for the rest of March. Wish me luck. :-P

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