Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Losing Consciousness

October 21, 2018

I was watching a rare interview with George Harrison last night (apparently it was his last one four years before he died), and he talked a lot about being conscious so I decided to see what it means to be conscious:
- Aware of and responding to one’s surroundings; awake
- Having knowledge of something; aware
Well, that got me to thinking – how often have I been truly awake and aware lately? Not much. I live a fairly solitary life being a mother and homemaker which also means being on auto-pilot a lot of the time. Housework, meals, parenting – days can go by without much awareness of them at all or feeling like you’re actually alive because you’re busy all the time instead of aware. A kind of loss of consciousness which I think happens to many of us no matter where we work or what we do. It also happens when you are depressed – kind of like that time loss I mentioned in a recent post. So sometimes I feel like I lost consciousness somewhere along the way in the last 10 years and that I’m slowly waking up. Does that make sense? Yes it does.

The question is how to become conscious again? I think it starts by being more aware of living your day. Watching the squirrels outside your back door. Taking a shower and just enjoying that shower with nothing else on your mind. Enjoying time talking with your family around the dinner table and really listening instead of jumping in to talk. There are many ways to be in the moment so there is just not one right way.

So, as I continue waking up and try not to mourn the apparent loss of time that depression and other worries took from me, I’m taking the time to become more aware of and take more part in life. It’s where I need to start to really live again.

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Girlfriend Wanted

October 7, 2018

I think about this often – how I need a friend – but unsure if at 55 it’s really going to happen. I never had many friends throughout my life and the ones I thought were my close friends turned out to have more issues than me. I let go of those toxic relationships, but haven’t found anyone since who I connect with.

Now, all that said, I’m on a first name basis with the ladies at our library, and I talk with the older ladies who cashier in the grocery stores. So, I do get some girlfriend type time in through that. And I think it helps – when I’ve talked with people throughout the week I don’t feel as lonely. Until I need someone I could text or call to commiserate with or talk through a problem. Or just because I’m bored and could we meet up for a coffee or a walk? Those are the kinds of friends I’m missing from my life.

So, today I thought about what I would want in a friend? First off, I want someone who enjoys reading books – real books. I don’t get into ebooks at all. And maybe a beauty guru too because I’m a beauty junkie. Winding down from that but still enjoy it just the same. And someone who can be immature once in awhile – like laughing our butts off in public over something. Because, you gotta stay young somehow right? Someone who also enjoys hanging out in coffee shops and eating good food and the occasional glass of wine.

I want someone who doesn’t just talk about themselves either but we talk and listen to each other. Not trying always to get a word in because the other person shuts you out all the time. Granted, I do have an interruption problem, but I think it comes from years of never being able to get a word in with other people so I feel I have to get it all in instead of listening. I probably should work on that.

I want someone who I can be me with, but not share all the parts of me (or them) because there are some things I just don’t want to share anymore. I don’t want a therapist, I want a friend.

I thought I knew what a friend was, but I don’t think I know. In older shows and movies and books you see relationships but how real and honest are those? I think thirtysomething came closest (of course), but with social media now I don’t think we understand what being a real friend is all about. People older than me do and maybe it’s to them we should look to for answers.

So, there it is – I need a friend. I’ve been praying on that one a lot lately, but it’s a scary proposition. But the older my kids get the less they want to talk with mom because they’re pulling away. So, it’s time to get a girlfriend. If you have any tips let me know!

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Buy Less Month

October 5, 2018

I know a lot of bloggers go on about a “no spend” month, but you can only really do that if your pantry is full and so are vehicle gas tanks. For the majority of us – especially those of us with kids – I don’t think it’s possible. What I think is easier is a “buy less” month, and I’ve decided to do that for October. The buy less seems to fit the Back to Basics theme as well so it’s a good time for it.

For starters, my makeup and skincare stash is a little full at the moment so I’ll go back to “shopping the stash” until those things are gone. Although, I’m almost out of foundation and there is a deal at Ulta for one I like, so I’m going to get that and put it aside until I’m ready for it later this month.

Next is food. I do need to make a meat run and add in shopping the perimeters of the grocery items with only a few canned or frozen basics tossed in. That’ll keep meals a little healthier but it will also allow the things I already have to get used up. I like to do this from time to time and then, when everything is pretty well gone, go on a pantry filling trip. I actually enjoy doing that kind of shopping. :-) However, if I need milk or bread or something else, then I will buy those things. It’s not all or nothing here.

I’m going to add books and things of that nature on the buy less list too – I have full shelves plus a library where I can even get loans from other libraries around the country. No need to buy anything else. Except the new issue of Family Circle when it comes out. :-P

And it’s Friday! I’ll get what I need to get done in the day so I can chill and relax tonight. I’ve still got my Friday night ritual going so that’s on (along with a mini bottle of Chardonnay). My daughter got a new movie for her birthday and we may watch that as well since we’ll all be home. Looks to be rainy for the weekend so I might do some baking and give our new oven a real workout then. I’ve really missed baking!

Soooo, Happy Friday and hope your weekend, wherever you are, is a good one. Be back soon.

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October – Back To Basics

October 3, 2018

I was cleaning out a planner and ran into my Back to Basics housecleaning list that I came up with years ago to try to stay on top of the everyday stuff. I was probably in depression at that time, so this was a necessary list. It helped keep me on track until I got sidetracked again and thought maybe some other way was a better way. Then, I was looking over some old planners for some information and kept running into the same stuff about housework and taking care of myself that I’m still trying to do today! Sheesh! So, it’s time to get it going and get back to basics!

So, to start with I’m using one of those reward charts you’d use for kids and put a sticker on each day that I hit a self care goal. Hey – why not? I need the accountability and I need to see I’m making progress. So, this checks both boxes.

Then, I’m going back into my BTB housecleaning list as stated above. I will probably use a checklist there too to keep me accountable and to see that things are getting done. Routines really are the mainstay of home maintenance. If you don’t keep up with the laundry, dishes, floors, and picking up you know what you’ll be looking at by the end of the week. Been there – done that! Don’t particularly want to go back there either. So, this is essential. I’m going to do some Flylady for decluttering, but overall I’m going to stay off youtube, books, etc., and try to find my own way for once.

The other thing I really need to do is build in leisure time so I’m not wasting time on the computer but doing something I really would like to do. I made a list a few months ago of those types of things, so I’m going to pull from that list and make my available time count for something. Although, taking a nap sometimes is what I need to do too.

I know, I know – I’ve announced plans before and we know how well that goes. My son once told me that he read somewhere when we announce plans we think we’ve done them and then don’t do them. My blog is also my journal, so I want to put it out there that this is what I would like to do. It does help.

So, time to get back to basics!

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I’m sorry, that number’s busy…

October 2, 2018

I’ve been thinking a lot of this lately. I often joke about how I think sometimes God takes the phone off the hook when my call comes through. And I think He kind of does. Why? Because it is a lack of trust (and sheer panic) that causes me to “hey, God” 5,000 times sometimes when once or twice is all I need instead of constant. Would you want to hear that? Me neither.

Let me give you an example. Last year I made a trip to San Francisco from my home in the midwest. This involved flying which I hadn’t done in 32 years and which also scared the crap out of me just thinking about it. I made it there without too many repeated prayers. But once I got out there I was afraid of every new thing I was doing. “Please God let this subway train make it”, “Please God, don’t let the ferry go down”, “Please God….” and so on. All the time! All that fear kept me from really enjoying myself to the fullest. After finally getting a vacation, I should have been more focused on the fun. One or two prayers is all I needed and then letting God take it over. I won’t even discuss the return trip except to say it was a lot more of the same.

Last week I did it again over the appliance installation. In fact, I was so worried I made myself physically sick. Finally, I just prayed to Jesus to take care of it and did what I could to prepare and moved on. Guess what? It turned out okay.

So, that’s something I need to work on – trust. Trust in God and trust in people. It’s not something that comes easy to me due to a wonky past, but I can work on it a little each day. That way, my life isn’t one big worry-fest and I might find life is more enjoyable.

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September Update

September 27, 2018

OMG – can you believe that September is almost over already?? Me neither! And the holidays are looming – as well as the end of the year birthdays at the Oh Crap house. It’s a good thing the girls are in school now – I may hibernate in January. :-P

So how are things? Busy! But you knew that right? Since the first of August it’s been a never ending stream of to do’s for me. The school year started on a bumpy note, but it has since smoothed out. We got our appliances replaced this last Monday so there was the prep and stress of that. It is so nice to have laundry get done all in one day with no laundromat or hanging laundry up to dry involved. The dishwasher is really throwing me for a loop though and it’s going to take time to get used to. And I’m looking forward to doing some baking in my new oven soon.

The last few weeks my irritable gut has been acting up again, probably due to stress and chocolate/sugar and coffee and not much water. You’d think I’d learn! So, I’m going to be getting back on the let’s get healthy wagon because, really, there is no putting it off anymore. It just has to be done. Self-care to the rescue!

There are other issues as well, more personal/relational, but I won’t go into that here. However, I could use some prayers/good thoughts in that direction if you are so inclined. And many thanks in advance.

In the housework department, I’m off the Flylady wagon and I think it’s for good. I keep trying to go back to it, but it just doesn’t click for me anymore. I’m going to try some of the Clean Mama challenges in October and see if I can get a routine going that fits my new life. I don’t agree with all of her methods or ideas, but the challenges may help get me to at least get started.

I need a girlfriend! I don’t know if it’s possible at my age though. Gone are the days of yakking on the phone (an actual corded phone) or passing notes in school. I had a few friends during my older boys baby and toddler days, but once I started homeschooling that ended. I had two women in my life during that time, and both of those relationships ended too. I’m okay with that though because they weren’t healthy for any of us. I’m still not sure I’m ready for a friend again, but nothing ventured nothing gained right?

And… that’s a wrap! Fall has arrived and the nicer, cooler weather has too. I need to find a place to walk at least 3 times a week so I get out of the house and can have some time to think. Nature has a way of healing.

Have a great day and I’ll be back as soon as I can! Peace!

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A Me Kind of Day

September 12, 2018

Yeah, there’s a title I don’t think I’ve posted before. And it’s true – I did a lot things that made me happy today. Also, a couple of these things are long overdue.

First off, I got my hair cut (my last cut was last year). Not really short, but it got the dead ends off and it still has enough length to make me happy. I think I want to go a little shorter next time though.

After that I swung by a clothing store and signed up for a personal shopping appointment. The last time I did something like this was back in 2007 I believe. Exactly – too damn long ago. So, I’ll go in on Friday and see if I can get some good mix and match separates for the start of a fall/winter wardrobe.

Then, I was off to Ulta to look for some shampoo my hair stylist recommended. I didn’t find it, but found another one that I hope might work. Luckily it’s just a mini so I won’t be out a ton of money if it’s not a good fit.

I also went to Starbucks this afternoon to try their new Cordusio coffee. It was good.

After I got back home, it was time to sit on the couch and watch some Nigella Bites episodes on the telly. Then my kids came home from school and it was back to Mom mode.

I feel good that I took some time out for me and I enjoyed bumming around town on my own too. It’s a new chapter in my life and I think it’s going to yield some good things.

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Hello Again

August 27, 2018

It’s been almost a month since my last post so I thought I’d better say something before everyone thinks I fell off the earth. Everything is ok, it’s just been really busy here. All my girls are in school now and this month has mostly been about that. Yes, almost the whole darn month! Registration, school supplies, new clothing, and so on. And I like to be available as possible especially the first week or two in case there are problems and there have been problems. Schedule issues, lots of rainy days, and illness. Phew! After Labor Day things should run more smoothly. At least that’s the hope.

So, I’m home with all this extra time now and I’m figuring out how to put that time to good use. Decluttering, deep cleaning, and a few new items (replacing dead appliances comes to mind) for the house. And self-care for me. That last thing is an ongoing battle, but I need to keep fighting because my kids need a healthy mom. And I need it for me too.

I hope all of you have had a good summer and made some good memories with your family or even just for yourself. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Peace!

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Weekend Gallery

August 5, 2018

Well, well, well – it’s been way too long since I’ve done a Weekend Gallery hasn’t it? Going to change that right now! I always take pictures of questionable items when I see them in the store and I’ve got quite a few that are ready for posting. So come along with me and see what’s around these days. Disclaimer – The opinions you are about to read are mine and mine alone.

Let’s start with a classic – Spaghettio’s! Who can resist them right? Oh wait – I can. There’s nothing good about this product and to add calcium to try to make these healthy? Yeah – not buying it – either literally or figuratively. One of my sons couldn’t wait to try these and now he’s sorry he did. Lesson learned.

And here we have another classic – Dippin’ Dots! Remember those from the 80’s? I remember and they were interesting but I wasn’t all that crazy about them. Well, I guess cereal makers are feeling all retro because here we have the Dots revamped.

In the same vein – Nilla Wafer cereal! Why, oh why do we want our kids to think desserts are okay for breakfast? And let’s be honest, they really don’t taste that great. Save your money people – eat oatmeal for breakfast and save Nilla Wafer Banana Pudding for dessert. No confusion.

Our last exhibit is the “this is easier and cheaper to make it yourself category”. Yes, you see that right – cream cheese frosting in a tub. You can bet it doesn’t taste like the real thing which is simply cream cheese, butter, powdered sugar, and vanilla. I didn’t say it was good for you, but I’m sure the tub creation probably has a lot more ingredients. Hell, I checked the ingredients of the name brand cream cheese to the cheap brand and the cheap brand had 3 or 4 extra ingredients! Sheesh!

So that’s today’s gallery – I’ll be back next week with some items I took pictures of in the spring (I need to make sure I haven’t already posted them as well – heh). Happy Sunday!
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- Weekend Gallery
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Me and My Blog

August 1, 2018

I’m back from my break and my blog will be celebrating its 8th anniversary soon, so I thought today I’d kind of re-introduce myself and my blog.

First, a little about me. My name is Alice and I am 55 years old. I have been married 33 years and have 8 children – 5 boys and 3 girls. Four of those children are out on their own, and four are still living at home (teens). Currently I am a SAHM but, since my husband lost his job last year, I will be moving to a working mom status within the next year. I started homeschooling in 1994 and last month the door on that little school closed. It was a good 24 years.

I have known good times and bad times and I finally realized that the Universal Thump comes for all of us (some of us more than others). I thought we’d be complete with our restoration after paying off our debts in 2011, but it’s ongoing – problems keep cropping up and nothing ever gets restored to the original. I may have to accept that it will never be.

My blog was born 8 years ago out of a desire to 1) write, and 2) share my life with family and friends who live far away. I also thought I might have some things to say that might be helpful to others and it also serves as a diary of sorts for me. I named it “Oh Crap” because having 8 children is a messy thing and for a while it seemed like every day something (bad) happened which prompted me to say “Oh crap” yet again. So, it’s just a life journal with some helpful (I hope) tips, things to ponder, and a little bit of fluff thrown in for good measure.

I link to things I think might interest my readers, but I do not get any money from any of this linkage – it’s purely informational. I do not get any money at all from this blog, nor do I really want to. I really miss those early days when blogs were ways for (homeschooling) moms to share experience and commiserate with each other like a good friend would. I want to reclaim some of that with my blog.

So, that’s a little bit about me and this tiny corner of the internet. I hope you enjoy your visits here. I’m going to start tagging my posts as well to make subjects easier for you to find. In the meantime, have a look around, come back soon, and thank you for reading. :-)
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