Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Happy Easter!

April 4, 2021

Rejoice, heavenly powers! Sing, choirs of angels!
Exult, all creation around God’s throne!
Jesus Christ, our King, is risen!
Sound the trumpet of salvation!

Rejoice, O earth, in shining splendor,
radiant in the brightness of your King!
Christ has conquered! Glory fills you!
Darkness vanishes for ever!

Rejoice, O Mother Church! Exult in glory!
The risen Savior shines upon you!
Let this place resound with joy,
echoing the mighty song of all God’s people!

No comments
Spending Out

March 16, 2021

Last year about this time it became about saving money – inadvertently – but saving money none the less. This year? Spending out. We are behind in things like haircuts and new clothing so it’s time to get back out there and get caught up. With the vaccine rolling out and things improving I feel it’s the right time. We are still masking up and still social distancing and not going to too many places though – it’s not over yet.

My kids are on spring break so the timing was right for haircuts. We haven’t done that in over a year although we did try to do it ourselves last summer. Not perfect but it got the job done. Two kids now have much shorter hair with two more to go.

We also did a little clothes shopping while we were out and found a few things for two of my daughters. I even found a couple of things for me. A win-win.

I recently bought a pair of shoes online as well – the pair it replaced was getting really well worn and needed to go (bought in 2019).

I did a spend out at Ulta after the winter storm last month and will be doing a haul from Sephora soon as well. My skincare is running out and I’m getting ready for the spring and summer season.

We are still spending out fixing our house up and I need to contact our plumber and a contractor for the next phase. The water lines all need to be replaced and there’s a bathroom reno as well that’s long overdue. Hopefully to be started by May or June.

So, it’s been a little brighter around here lately and I feel more hopeful going into this spring and summer. Hope your days are getting to be brighter too. Peace.

2 comments
Loving Myself

March 8, 2021

Well, I had my second counseling appointment and she asked me if I loved myself. I just stared at her. I don’t even know what that looks like (somehow I think I’ve written this here before). So, let’s see if we can figure out what that might look like.

On the way home I thought about what it’s not. Like getting a big coffee drink at Starbucks to make a bad day better. That’s not really loving you or your body. It’s a quick fix to make you feel better momentarily. And while it’s not bad per se, it really isn’t self love. And certainly not long term (trust me – I know). Loving yourself goes so much deeper.

I think it starts with accepting who you are and being happy with yourself as you are. I have never felt that way. Ever. I tried to make myself over into other people or to be like them, (I’ve also had people try to make me over into little thems) but never accepted who I am because I always felt off – not comfortable in my own skin.

Now I’m pretty sure God doesn’t want me to feel this way either which I hadn’t thought about before until re-reading “Eat, Pray, Love”. I am in the image of my family line, but I’m also made in God’s image too. There is a Hindu mantra that goes like this:

I honor the Divinity that resides within me.

And it has to do with their god Shiva. However, in the Catholic tradition we hold that God comes to dwell in us at baptism. That Christ comes to us in the Eucharist and lives within us. The Holy Spirit comes to us in confirmation. So it’s not a stretch to say this mantra in honor of the Blessed Trinity living in our souls.

So, what am I going to do to start loving myself? I think the first thing in order is to take care of my body. God gave it to me and I’ve only got the one and I’ve been treating it as a garbage dump for a long time. And isn’t that a slap in God’s face really? Our bodies are incredible things and He put good food and water on this earth to sustain them for daily living. First things first.

Another thing my counselor mentioned is to stop waiting for a right moment to do something I want to do and just do it. That’s easier said than done when you have kids and a husband, but if I don’t make the time now it will all have passed me by. Other women have done things like go back to college when the kids were older so why can’t I do that too? It’s never not been open to me, I just never found a way to do it. So it’s time to dust off those dreams I had/have and try to make at least some of them a reality. Things like cooking out of Nigella Lawson cookbooks for the year. My counselor thought that was a cool idea and I should do it and not worry about what the other people in the house think. I’ve had that dream for many years – time to make it a reality.

So I think this is a good place to start. Start with the body and move to the mind/emotions, and then the soul. Most likely I’ll find a domino effect – when the body feels better then other parts of me will too.

Happy Monday!

No comments
Another Month Gone By

February 28, 2021

As it happens, my last post was a month ago. I wrote two posts early in February but never posted them. I think I just worry too much about what it looks like and who it might offend (seriously??) and so I don’t do anything. I need to get over that because I am a writer. Then again, creative people are very hard on themselves and their work. Anywho – here’s the lowdown of the month that was February.

Very early in the month I had a health scare. Taking care of myself over the last 5 years just wasn’t a priority and so I find myself with the same problem again and more serious this time. I have a new doctor and a new therapist. I also need a dietician – I’m hoping my doctor knows one. This Wednesday I go in for a complete blood workup and we’ll see how bad everything is. If I’d just stayed the course I wouldn’t be starting at square one again. I’m also scared – scared that maybe it isn’t fixable this time. I have to hope it’s all going to be okay.

I decided to simplify my spiritual reading for Lent – Bible and Catechism only. And I’m re-reading the gospels. It actually fits with where I’m at in the Catechism too – Life In Christ. I’m getting a daily email devotional from the Daughters of St. Paul on Memento Mori – Remember Your Death – as well. The one part I really need to do is listen to the examen meditation each night. I think it would be a great way to end my day.

Speaking of meditation, I’m reading “Eat, Pray, Love” again. I read it a few years ago and loved it. I tried to get into it last year but couldn’t. However, I pulled it off the library shelf a week ago and started reading on a night I couldn’t sleep. Apparently, this is the perfect time to be reading it again.

We had a two week stint of brutal winter weather. We came out on the other side beat up but thankful. Luckily, we don’t live in Texas – my heart really goes out to everyone there. What they are going through is always a fear whenever ice and 15 inches of snow are mentioned here.

In my last post I mentioned wardrobe issues and my disillusionment with Stitch Fix. So, I decided to try Nordstrom Trunk Club. I think it may be a good fit. The thing I like best is the customer gets far more input on what they send you than Stitch Fix. If you don’t like the stylist pick, you can swap it for something else. I did that with the jeans and ended up with a pair I love. My next trunk is in April and I’m really looking forward to it.

Tomorrow is March 1 and I’m ready for a new month. I’m ready for spring. I’m ready to see green in the landscape again and flowers. Robins are in abundance now and this morning many were chirping to my delight. I’m ready.

So that was February 2021 in all it’s oh crapness. My therapist wants me to write down 1, 3, and 6 month goals. I always hesitate to do that because the minute I do there’s a crisis here. But I wrote a few (easy) things down for this month. I just don’t want to tempt fate by getting too optimistic for 3 and 6 month goals. Guess I need to talk with her about that.

Peace be with you all and see you soon.

No comments
What’s My Style

January 27, 2021

It was another Stitch Fix with all 5 pieces being sent back. It wasn’t the worst Fix I’ve had, but none of the pieces were just right. Too small, too loose, stripes across the belly (yeah – a real no-no for a plus size woman). I need clothes, but right now it’s just not possible to spend a weekend shopping. And online shopping is a crapshoot – you’re lucky if you find what you want in your size after combing through a slow website. So – what to do?

After two years of Stitch Fix I think it’s time to do something different. I’ve not really had any of my stylists get me – if I even get one to hang around long enough to actually get me. The longest I’ve had the same stylist? Three fixes. Then he left. Le sigh. Don’t get me wrong – it’s a great service but I really believe there’s a very specific type of woman it’s for and I’m not it.

An option I’ve been thinking about is finding an actual person to help with building a real workable wardrobe. I do have someone in mind and I think I may write to her to see if she can give me a shove in the right direction. (Granted, I really think my entire life just needs to change but that’s a post for another day.) I think I’d rather spend the same amount of money I spend at SF on real interaction instead of AI interaction.

Next, t’s time to find my style – what clothes will naturally make me look like me. How I feel inside. I spent a lot of my youth trying to be like other people, but never really finding out who I was or what I wanted. I am by nature eclectic – a little of this and a little of that – not really putting all my eggs in one basket. That said, I want to look feminine without being frilly. I also tend toward more sophisticated pieces, but at my height and weight those items are harder to find and don’t always translate well on my body. As I lose weight I know I’ll be able to get into the style I want but what about now? What do I wear now? If I didn’t have any kids at home it would be different, but that’s another piece of the challenge. An almost 60 year old woman but not an empty nester or retiree yet. One day I saw a woman my age (if not older) going into a local church. She had skinny black pants, a sweater, a scarf, boots, and was sporting an edgy hairdo for her white hair. THAT is kind of the direction I want to head in. Not saying that’s my style but holy crap I want to rock it like she is!

And after all that it will be time to actually purchase some things. And, let’s face it, clothing isn’t made like it used to be. Fast fashion has made all fashion dumpier. Yes, you can find the better quality items, but many of those are out of the price range of most of us. It used to be the norm and more affordable, but not so much now. Quality and the proper fit is really what you want though. Those pieces will last far longer and be in season always. So, it’s something I probably need to budget for in the long run.

All right, I’m not going to say “that’s the plan” because we know how well I do with that (great on planning – sucky on execution). Let’s say it’s a work in progress. Which it really is. At least I’ve figured some things out and just need to put in the rest of those style puzzle pieces. It’s part of my journey back to me.

No comments
Music Monday – Shower The People

January 18, 2021

It has been a rough month. My mother became ill and died two weeks ago. We also had two major house repairs – one right before and one right after Christmas. I’ve been spending a lot of time with a lot of people and yesterday everything just came to a head and I just lost sense of everything. I treated people I care about badly which means apologies are in order.

Tonight I was thinking about everything and trying to make sense of what I know, what I don’t know, and how I feel about it all. That’s when this song came to mind – Shower The People by James Taylor. It’s a song from 1976 which was when I was living in London and I’d like to say I heard it there first but it may not have been until the summer of 1977 when we came back to the States. This one definitely makes me cry every time I hear it.

It’s a simple song really – instead of bleeding out so to speak when your heart has been broken, lashing out when angry and not making up just shower the people you love with love. This means apologizing when wrong and not taking things personally forever when you’ve been made a fool of or had your heart broken.

This resonates with me right now because I guess I just couldn’t take anymore yesterday. On top of that I assumed some things that weren’t entirely true and threw a bunch of people under the bus to other people. This is going to require some major apology and patch up. Whether or not I totally trust certain people in my life, I still have an obligation right now to get along with them so some things can get done.

So, feeling like a true fool, I offer you this song. Heed it’s message people because life truly is short. My mother was 85 when she passed away which is a good long life. Unfortunately, I let too many things stand in the way of our relationship and now it’s too late. So – make up with the people you can, tell your children or parents you love them, put your pride aside and just do it before the opportunities slip by.

You can play the game
And you can act out the part
Though you know
It wasn’t written for you
Tell me how can you stand there
With your broken heart
Ashamed of playin’ the fool?

One thing can lead to another
It doesn’t take any sacrifice
Oh, father and mother
Sister and brother
If it feels nice
Don’t think twice

Just shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will do as I say

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be much better
If you only will

You can run but you cannot hide
This is widely known
Now what you plan to do with your foolish pride
When you’re all by yourself alone

Once you tell somebody
The way that you feel
You can feel it beginning to ease
I think it’s true what they say
About the squeaky wheel
Always getting the grease

Better to
Shower the people you love with love
Yes and show them the way that you feel
I know things are gonna be just fine
If you only will, what I like to do to you

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be much better, if you only wil

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel

No comments
Time For A Change

January 15, 2021

If you’ve followed me here awhile or seen any of my housekeeping posts you know that I’ve had a love/hate relationship with Flylady. Not the person – just the method. It worked great in the very beginning when I started getting the house we had then in shape, but that was at least 20 years ago and I believe it’s time for a change. Don’t get me wrong, Flylady is good and can work well, but when it’s 20 years later and you’re still struggling with certain issues in your home it’s time to do something different. You know the old line about insanity right?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different results.

So, here’s the new plan: Konmari. Yeah, I know, the new child on the decluttering/get your house in order block. But you know, there is a lot of truth in why she does what she does. Let’s look at some problems I’ve had with Flylady and why Konmari might work better for me.

Flylady is a very slow process to get your house in order by getting routines in place and decluttering a little at a time. Konmari tackles everything at once in an intense decluttering process so that everything is done in a much shorter period of time giving you a cleaner house in a shorter time.

Flylady is about cleaning as well as decluttering. You learn routines to clean your house on a regular basis so that it stays that way. Let’s be clear – housekeeping is repetitive and you need regular cleaning to keep your home fresh. For me the decluttering has kind of fallen off so daily tasks can get done. With Konmari I’ll get the decluttering out of the way right away so that I can deep clean right after (maybe do a Konmari type deep clean) and maintenance will follow. A word of caution – don’t neglect dailies while doing any method. You still need to eat, need clean clothes, daily kitchen and bathroom clean, and floors. If you don’t have any routines at all start with Flylady.

With Flylady you discard stuff but with Konmari you add another step – you thank those items for serving you before you discard them. Some people might think this is New Age hooey, but I will disagree. Thanking things for their service is gratitude and if you don’t have a spirit of gratitude then not much is going to bring you joy. This brings me to another quote I love from Sheryl Crow’s song “Soak Up the Sun”:

It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.

If you aren’t happy with what you already have, then chances are you’re not going to be happy with what you think you want to have either. Start with getting rid of the things that don’t serve you and leave only what you do love. And make do with that for awhile. You will probably find that you don’t need what you think you do and a new lifestyle will emerge. Both Flylady and Konmari teach these things.

I think I’ll stop there because really those are the main differences for me and I don’t want to go into some big thesis on all the differences. The main thing is, I want my house cleaner NOW and Flylady will take more time. Like I said above, I’ve been doing Flylady 20 years and I’m kind of back where I started so it’s time to do something more intense. I’m giving the Eight Week Tidy Challenge Marie Kondo has on her website a go. It’s a daily step by step of her method to get your home in order.

So, there you have it – it’s a new year and it’s time to really get some change going in my life too. I was going to do that last year and then 2020 derailed me. In reality I probably could have done all I wanted to in my home, but somehow it didn’t happen. No more of that – let’s get going and get our homes (and lives) in order so we have more time for living instead of cleaning or even being embarrassed by our homes. Life is too short for that.

2 comments
Reading Past and Present

January 12, 2021

Let’s start with 2020 – I managed to read at least 26 books (that’s how many I logged), but it may have been higher. I have a tendency to take a bunch of books out of the library, partially read them that day during our tea party, and then forgetting what I took out. And if I do read something I forget to log it. Even so, that’s two books a month so it was not a bad reading year.

This year I thought about doing a reading challenge which was kind of fun last year, but the one I did last year is more complicated this year so I don’t think I’ll be doing that. Some years I’ve set a theme for the year for books to read, and I had an idea for that, but stuff happened and I don’t feel like it now. One thing I would like to do is read through some of the Sonlight cores that we got partially through when we were homeschooling but didn’t quite make it through. Most of those are at least a one year plan so I would need to start now to get through the year. The Core 5 – Eastern Hemisphere – is my personal favorite so I might start there. It would be a way to go back to learn some history that I didn’t learn when I was in school. Most schools focus almost entirely on American history but you need the whole world history picture to understand most of what is going on today. It’s one of the reasons I chose to homeschool – a more rounded education.

Now, for spiritual reading, I’m back in “Reading Your Way To Heaven” Year 3 after my Advent devotional in December. I’m in Psalms now, reading the Catechism about the liturgy and sacraments, and for spiritual reading it’s “The Lord” by Romano Guardini. That last book is going to be a long one and will take me through Easter if not slightly beyond so it will mesh with the church year. In fact it meshes so well that I read the chapter on Jesus’ baptism on the Sunday where we celebrate that! And, despite the length of the book, it’s not super deep.

And that’s where my reading is at right now. After my siblings and I get through the process of closing out Mom’s house, I’ll be able to have more time to read and maybe by then I’ll have an idea of what I want to read this year. I’ll keep you posted. Happy Reading!

No comments
Rocky Start to the New Year

January 11, 2021

And hasn’t it been for us all? Seems like 2020 just keeps rolling along. It’s going to be awhile, I think, before we can actually exhale and feel like we’re in a new year.

My Christmas was okay except for the gas leak on Christmas – no joke – Christmas DAY!! So we had no heat or hot water until that was fixed three days later and then had to wait an extra day for it all to be turned on by the gas company due to a snafu on their end. It was not fun.

That week was also the week my mother’s health starting to decline and she passed away a week ago. It’s been a rough go with funeral arrangements, the wake and funeral, and my siblings and I beginning the process of going through mom’s stuff. It’s all so weird and surreal and I can’t even begin to process it all.

And two days after my mom passed away, we had major house repairs due to all the gas lines under the house needing to be replaced (think old and rusting out). We went an alternate route and we couldn’t be happier. It’s the beginning of a long process that we may or may not finish but at least it’s started.

On the flip side, cleaning up my mom’s house (and the plumbers trying to get to places with my stuff in the way at my place) has made me realize that I need to work on my own messes for my kids’ sakes and my own comfort. So, it’s back to my 3X5 card system and decluttering this year.

I also decided to streamline my skincare system and get some actual advice through a newish company called Hello Ava. It’s like Stitch Fix in the fact that it’s a computer algorithm to determine the products you need. However, unlike Stitch Fix, you also get a chat with someone from their company to walk you through your recommendations and explain how to use the products. I was lucky enough to get Kathleen who is one of their main estheticians and who is also close to my age. So far so good – I’ll keep you posted.

And I’ve lost weight since last August for a total loss (so far) of 11 pounds! My pants are starting to fall off which means I’m going to need some new things soon. Of course, it’s easier said than done since we’re still in covid season so I’ll probably just grab the belt I have and make do until I can find something online or get out and try stuff on again.

SO, I think that’s all my updates. I need to also make writing a priority for this year and I’d also like to post one picture a day on Instagram as a review of the year, and scrapbooking, blah, blah, blah. Of course I’ve made those statements many times before but maybe I can really make them happen. Remember – Do or do not – there is no try. Thank you Master Yoda.

Happy New Year everyone – let’s do what we can to make it a good one for ourselves and those around us. Cheers!

No comments
I’m Still Here

December 4, 2020

I’ve just been MIA due to school starting, chauffeuring kids, and two family emergencies thrown in for good measure. By the end of October I was pretty wiped out physically and emotionally. November was a bit better but busy all the same with the school, chauffeuring, and holidays instead of emergencies. Now for a few updates.

My household routines have fallen off so I need to get back to that. I’ve decided for this month to do only my Morning Routine, Evening Routine, Weekly Plan, and Flylady Missions instead of full blown zone work. I can find the missions online and will be told exactly what to do. In a month where it’s hard to even remember my name, I can at least rely on that.

On a more positive note, I’ve been steadily stocking my pantry each time I go to the store. This is easy to do – just buy one or two extras of an item each time you go to the store. You don’t need to break the bank or clear the shelves. Just a little at a time. Then menu plan so you’re using that food. And one more thing, if you give food to a food bank this holiday season – give them food that isn’t expired. That’s like telling the families in need that they don’t deserve any better – but they do.

I also took some time for myself one day last month. The younger girls were in school, my oldest daughter at work, and my son was still snoozing. So, at 11am I took the three magazines that had arrived, put this music on, poured me a nice cup o’Joe, and relaxed. I haven’t done that in a long time and it was heaven! Only 30 minutes but what a great 30 minutes it was! Since that day I’ve started to pay more attention to giving myself moments like that and it definitely helps keep me saner.

Oh, and I finally found a shampoo that I like and works on my aging hair! It is from Ouai and is the shampoo for fine hair. Great scent, you don’t need a lot and it cleans great. I blew my Ulta points on the shampoo and also the body cleanser which is amazing.

Am I reading? Yes! This month I decided to finally buy “The Reed of God” by Caryll Houselander. I’ve been thinking about that one for years and decided it was time. So far it’s a real gem! I’m also reading “Have Yourself a Minimalist Christmas” by Meg Nordmann. It has some good tips but they are also basic tips you can find in a lot of other places. Basically it’s how to get certain areas of your house and life decluttered and ready for the holidays. All in all though – food for thought. For spiritual reading it’s the daily and Sunday readings for Advent and also Comfort and Joy (ebook from 2015) by Elizabeth Foss. As you can see all my reading goes together and next month I’ll be doing the same thing – reading on a theme.

I need to post more and get the creative juices flowing by writing again. I’ve really slacked off but everytime I post something here I feel like some part of me is being taken care of so I need to stop neglecting it.

So that’s the nutshell version of my life at the moment. For once I don’t feel in a holiday rush since the pandemic is limiting rushing to the stores a million times for stuff you need or don’t have. It’s causing me to be more intentional with what I am doing and planning my shopping trips to be a little safer. Not to mention I don’t like crowds anyway. There’s a little blurb going around that says “When all this is over I still want you to stay 6 feet away from me.” HA! Yeah. Some people just have no idea of personal space.

Hope all is well with you dear reader and wishing you a happy and blessed holiday season. See you soon! Peace be with you all.

No comments
« Older Posts

Newer Posts »