Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Bonjour!

July 14, 2011

Many moons ago I lived in London, England, and while in school there I learned some of the French language. I have to say I was excited to learn! While the other kids seemed bored I loved it! I was even able to use it a time or two when visiting France. I will admit, one of my classes was really difficult and I had a hard time keeping up and got a bad grade because of it. However, hen I returned to the states, I resumed my studies in high school.

Fast forward 30 years later and I have always had a desire to go back and re-learn French. I’ve always loved the beauty of the language and it really isn’t very difficult to learn. So, when I was at the library earlier this week I pulled an old Usborne French for Beginner’s book out. Sure, it’s more geared to kids, but an adult can use it to learn the very basics they need to know. Well, I got home with the book and Joe and Maggie were totally enchanted with it! So, each day we have been going through a “chapter” and learning the words and phrases. Each morning I am greeted with, “Bojour Madame” and I return with the same and add a phrase to help them learn. It is fun!

I am going to either take a higher level out of the library or buy a book from Amazon, but one that has pronunciation cd’s so we know for sure how to pronounce. I am a little rusty, but this book is bringing much of my earlier learning back. So, don’t ever think you are too old to learn, or re-learn, a foreign language. Just pick up a small book and give it a whirl!

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Friendship Has It’s Rewards

July 13, 2011

I finally got to me a friend of mine today who I’ve only talked to through email or phone conversations!! We only got to have a few hours together, but to me they were precious.

Some background first. I met Yvonne through a homeschool forum about 3 years ago and in 2009 I decided to email her about some things that she had said on one of my posts. That started a friendship that was as real as if she lived across the street from me. My first call to her was frantic and yet she listened with sympathy. A few months later I had another crisis and I emailed her for her honest-to-God opinion and guess what? She gave it to me and it was a life changing moment for me and led me to continue pushing on in my journey of healing. We continued to write and call each other over the last two years and our friendship grew. There was a time I thought our friendship was gone, but one call to her let me know that all was well and it was just circumstances getting in the way. I kept finding courage to put myself out there with her and I’m so glad I did!

I have wanted to meet her since that time and she has passed this way on a few occasions, but she never was in town long enough to get together. So today (Tuesday) was THE day! I parked the car at her friend’s house and started up the walk to the door, but before I got there Yvonne had opened the door and run out and we just hugged. I cried too because we have shared so much over the last couple of years and it was just so good to see her in person. I also got to meet her youngest daughter and her grandson as well. We then went out to get a bite to eat and just sit and talk. It was wonderful!! We didn’t get to visit long because she needed to get back to her kids and I needed to do the same. But I did bring her over to my place to meet most of the family. The weird thing is I didn’t even feel self conscious about how my house looked! Then again, I feel like I’ve known her all my life so I didn’t feel the need to apologize for anything – she accepts me as I am. I just invited her in to meet everyone and took a couple of pictures of us as well. After I drove her back home we hugged again and said our goodbyes for now. I so hope to get together with her again although it may be awhile. For now I am just happy that I finally got to meet Yvonne in real life and she is a real friend in every sense of the word.

Yvonne and me at my place.

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Restoration

July 10, 2011

I would say rebuilding, but the word “restoration” came to me yesterday so I’m going to go with that :-). Here’s what it means (I looked it up on dictionary.com):

1. The act of restoring; renewal, revival, or reestablishment

2. a return of something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition

Yep, I think those sum it up. We will be restoring our finances and our lives over the next little while. It will take time, but we’ll get there. I’m going to be patient and have a plan. I’m writing a list of things we need and things we want and go from there. St. Martha’s feast day is coming up, I think I’ll start praying for some help. She understands and she knows the Master well. :-)

Sorry to be absent this week from writing, but it was one of THOSE weeks. And when I have one of them, I usually have to sit back and think through some things in order to move forward. It used to take months and now it doesn’t anymore so that is another restoration in my life. Maybe I should do what Matt did and try to write a post every day – next month would be good as it is the one year anniversary of this blog! Anyway – restoration has begun.

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Weekend Gallery

July 3, 2011

Today it’s all about the garden and we are starting to really see it flourishing. Of course it has been so dry lately we have had to water every day, but it is thriving just the same. Except for the tomatoes – we just aren’t having any luck this year. However, we are getting loads of cucumbers – I think we’ve picked almost 10 just in the last 4 days! So, come walk with me in our little garden and see what we have growing!

Bell Peppers

Banana Peppers

Jalapeno Peppers

Maggie, Sunflower, Joe, and Katie

Cucumbers

Cantaloupe

Strawberries

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The Fight is Over – We are Out of Debt!!

July 1, 2011

This is really emotional for me because the struggle just to survive for the last 4 years has been incredible. But today, the last payment to the last collection agency rolled through and we are out of debt!! (With the exception of the mortgage)

I started the debt repayment in January of 2010 and did a debt snowball program that I put together. I knew it was going to be hard and we had to put every spare dollar we could into the repayment plan so we could get out. I called all the collectors and made arrangements with them. Two ended up being really nasty, the other was actually fair. Prior to repayment it was a no win situation with trying to make payments to make the creditors happy and never ending up with money to have what we needed.

In August of 2009 I counted the phone rang 30 times in one day and I never took any calls because of the fear it would one of them. Once I made payment arrangements the calls ceased as if by magic. Except for the two nasty ones. One creditor called every month to see if I could make larger payments. After two months of that, I decided to stop taking their calls. The other nasty one called one time to harrass me and I told ’em off and stopped taking their calls too. I only corresponded by mail and kept every last bit of mail they sent. They even stopped sending statements a couple of times. After the last bad call, I surrendered it all to the Lord and He had my back in the situation. Every time I worried I surrendered it again and again.

Last November we hit a really low point and I was wondering if I could continue. I almost caved in – I almost blew it all to bits. I knew it would be foolish though because we were getting so close. I just had to suck it up just a little longer.

Today we are free – free of what had become a real debtor’s prison. Free of not having enough food to eat on payday while waiting for the paycheck to hit the bank. Free of not being able to afford necessities that my family needed.

I have a bottle of Proseco – sparkling white wine – just for the occasion and I am having a glass or two tonight to celebrate our hard work.

Deo Gratias!! Free at last!!

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June Progress Report

Okay, let’s start with the positives – book reading! Here are the books I am currently going through:

1. “Happiness Project” – I’m up to July now.

2. “Keeping House” – I’m on the last few chapters

3. “Please Don’t Drink The Holy Water” and “Bless Me Father For I Have Kids” – I’m reading a “chapter” here and there as I have time. These are SO funny and that is something I really need after a long hard day in the mommy mines.

4. “Chosen and Cherished” – Trying to read a chapter a day so I can go on to the next two books. After the first reading, I can go through and do more detailed study if I want.

Okay, now for the “negatives” if you will. I’m off my groove. I got thrown off in May and I’m still struggling to get back in. I need to make definite goals for each week and try my best to stick with them. I also need to tackle just one thing at a time – but I think I’ve said that before. Trying to do too many new things at once is often times more than I can handle so it’s best for me to just try to change one habit.

Now with that said, there are some great things going on right now. We’re unofficially out of debt – just waiting for that last payment to roll through (there will be an entire post dedicated to this when it happens). I have a special friend coming to visit me this month and I cannot wait to meet her! More on that later too. Birthday shopping this month for Steve and that means a day out with Joe for that. He also wants a frappuccino so we’ll cover that too. What’s a day of shopping without going to Starbucks? We also are going to have a big “out of debt” party at a local place because we haven’t all eaten out in literally years. And, oh yeah, school supply shopping will be starting in July as well – can’t you see the glazed over look in my eyes??

So, it’s not all bad, I just need to make concrete goals and just try really hard to keep up. I need to be around for at least 10 more years to see my kids get out of the house and I’m not looking forward to this whole “change” thing either that women have to go through. Oh well…gotta roll with the changes right?

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Music Monday

June 28, 2011

If you really don’t like pop music, now is the time to look away :-). However, if you lived through the 80’s and enjoyed the music as much as I did then read on! Today I’m going to give my take on….Wham’s album “Make It Big”.

This is a quintessential pop album – each and every song is a good ballad or pop song and some even throwbacks to the 60’s and 70’s. However, the lyrics in these songs are not as simple as the pop tunes would have you think. Oh sure, a couple are just cute tunes, but some have words that really get to the heart of an issue. For me the lyrics are more important than the music, so I do listen carefully to songs. If the words are crummy forget it – I’m not listening. So, let’s quit the chit chat and get to the heart of this post.

1. “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” – Yeah, just a whimsical pop song here. Hated the video but loved the song.

2. “Everything She Wants” – A song about a woman who is not satisfied with real love, just real things. The poor guy in this song is working 2 jobs just so his wife can have all the stuff she thinks will make her happy. I like this song because back in the 80’s most of us were riding a wave of credit card and shopping fun. Until we went broke and went into debt, then the stuff doesn’t look so good then. A good song with a timely message.

3. “Heartbeat” – Cute song about high school romances. Stupid high school romances – you’re happy with one girl until you see someone else and then forget the other girl. Wow. Pretty standard stuff eh?

4. “Like A Baby” – A much more sophisticated song in terms of both music and lyrics. I LOVE this one!! It is a sad song about a girl who leads a boy on, but has no real interest in him. Unfortunately he’s fallen hard for her and “now you’ve gone away….left me crying like a baby”. *sniff*

5. “Freedom” – Another cute pop song, but it really is about the 80’s culture of having a lot of relationships, but nothing serious. However, the boy in the song doesn’t want that kind of “freedom”, he wants a real true one on one relationship that lasts. I applaud this one because this is how love should be and how relationships should be, and not a using of another person.

6. “If You Were There” – It’s a pop song that’s sweet, but really not one of my favorites. So, maybe I’ll listen to it again and get back with you.

7. “Credit Card Baby” – Another song about money and relationships. Not as profound as Everything She Wants, but more of a you can have my money, but you can’t have my heart because I’m not going there if all you really care about is money and stuff.

8. “Careless Whisper” – LOVED this song back then and love it now with one exception. The line, “guilty feet have got no rhythm” almost make me feel dumb for listening to it. Otherwise, sophisticated sound and tragic lyrics make a great 80’s ballad.

Well, that’s my two cents on this album. FWIW, yes, I did buy this from Amazon and I’m enjoying listening to it again. I’ll admit, I was listening tot his after I had Matt and I felt really old and like I shouldn’t be listening to it because it seemed so young for me. Oh brother.

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An addendum to yesterday’s post

June 27, 2011

I want to add a little note to my post yesterday particularly concerning the part where I talk about our smallish table being only able to seat 8 of us. Now, anyone who can subtract 8 from 10 realizes that leaves 2 people out of the action and not just one and you would be correct. The other person who usually waited for a spot at the table was Matt. Sometimes it was Jeff or Chris, but most of the time it was Matt. I know he wasn’t thrilled with it, but he didn’t often complain either. Big family life does have a lot of perks, but there is a lot of sharing and sacrifice involved too and my kids have learned a lot about those things. So, I just wanted to make that clarification. FWIW – one of these days we will have a new table that will have extensions so that we can ALL eat a meal together. Of course, once people get married and have kids we’ll be back to the usual or have to add card tables to seat everyone. Oh well, at least we know the drill :-).

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Eating Together

June 26, 2011

I am reading a book called Keeping House: The Litany of Everyday Life by Margaret Kim Peterson, and this morning was finishing up Chapter 6 on Food to Eat. One of the things she mentions is eating together at the table. Now, this is something that has gone by the wayside in at least the last decade if not the last two or more. No longer do families eat together at least one meal a day – usually supper (or dinner – whichever you call it) as they are all running in different directions. Yet, this is usually the one time that is perfect for a family to come together to share their days with each other. It is a real shame and even the food channels I watch on tv encourage families to cook and eat together. When my oldest son was away at college, he was talking with other students about family life and found out that our family evening meal was an exception rather than the rule and it really surprised him. He was under the impression that all families still ate together and yet, very few do. It was a shock to him, yet it also gave him resolve to continue the tradition of eating together as a family when he has children of his own.

She connects eating with Christian living as well and I’d never really thouht about it before, although I’m sure I’ve heard sermons on the topic. She mentions four meals: The Passover meal, the Eucharistic meal, and the Wedding Banquet of the Lamb. All of these are shared meals. Then she mentions the first meal – the eating of the apple – it was done apart from each other. Eve at first then later gave the fruit to Adam – not communal. Huh – never thought about that! I will here make a confession – during my depression over the last 3-4 years I had stopped going to Mass most Sundays. Why? I’m not really sure. Some if it is because it was just another difficult thing to do and I was trying so hard just to keep my head above water with basic living. Some if is because all I could do was sit there and cry every Sunday. So, I stayed home with my two youngest daughters each Sunday. Recently, I have been attending Mass again and it feels normal again and I’m happy to be there. My next step is Holy Communion and here – what she says about these meals with God and each other – really spoke to me this morning. When we go to Communion it is not just communion with Christ we are receiving, but communion with each other, for it is One Bread One Body – we are eating a meal together. We are in communion with each other! Breaking away from church and communion not just broke myself off from Jesus but also from the family of God! Wow – now that’s something I’d never thought of before!

Now, here is another interesting thing that kind of binds it together – we have a small table for 10 people which means we do not all fit around it for meals. I am usually the last to eat, but mostly by choice because I want my children to eat first making sure they get fed. Sometimes if I’m extremely hungry I will fill a bowl or plate and eat at the couch. Most days I wait until there is a spot at the table. Even though it is something I chose, it has in a way broken me off from my family. I am not at the table to eat the food or partake of the conversation – especially not if I’m watching tv while they are eating which does happen. This is not communion (oneness, union) either! Now that Matt is on his own, and the other two older boys are sometimes not at home when we eat dinner, I can sit with my husband and five younger children at the table and eat the meal with them. This has been a profound thing for me and now I know why – I am in communion with my family again! I do not feel cut off any longer.

So, today is the Feast of Corpus Christi – the Feast of the Body and Blood of Christ – which is a major feast day in the Catholic Church and brings all the feasting of Easter to a close. I should have gone to confession yesterday so that I could go to Holy Communion today, but I didn’t. However, I will be at Mass as this is one of my favorite feast days in the church. When we attended the Latin Mass at another parish, one of the parishioners would decorate the walkways to each of the three altars with beautiful chalk drawings. We had the traditional procession from altar to altar and people driving along the street would slow down and watch us crazy Catholics :-). One year, our priest got out a megaphone so that everyone could hear what he was saying and I loved it – evangelizing the neighborhood. But, I digress. I will be at Mass and think on all these things Mrs. Peterson has said about food, meal sharing, and community and begin to take my place in the church community again. I can see that Christ is making all things in me new and I will go rejoicing to the altar of God – the God who gives joy to my youth.

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Don’t Worry – Be Happy

June 24, 2011

Ah it’s finally Friday!! I’ve had an emotional week so today I thought I’d ruminate on that song that defined the 1980’s but is also not a bad adage for one’s life.

Here is a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry be happy
In every life we have some trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy……

I am a worrier by nature and I agree here, when you worry you are just making things worse. I read in this book that “worrying is just something you do while waiting for the real thing to happen”. Hmmm – yes, I think that’s an accurate description of worry for me.

Ain’t got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don’t worry, be happy
The land lord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don’t worry, be happy
Lood at me I am happy

Ah yes, financial worries, well ours are coming to a close finally. This month we make the last payment to the last creditor after doing the infamous debt snowball and I am SO glad!! Sure we may not have debtor’s prisons anymore, but it FEELS like it when you’re being called constantly and they want more money than you can give them and on and on. The smartest thing I did was A) stop making payments at all and use that money to build up my pantry and buy a few clothing items my kids really needed. The second smartest thing I did – stop taking any calls from these jokers. Yep, that’s right I only called them when I needed to and otherwise just didn’t pick the phone up for a year and a half. I also gave it all to Jesus and he backed me up and here we are almost paid off!! WHOO!! Today I was out with Maggie and decided to stop by Starbucks to get us both a Frappucinno because WE CAN! I think we can also assume he is talking about contentment – being happy with what you have in spite of what you don’t. I have to say I have been cultivating an attitude of gratitude and it really does help. Your life won’t be free of problems, but you will be happier with what you have than worrying about the stuff you don’t.

Here I give you my phone number
When you worry call me
I make you happy
Don’t worry, be happy

Having friends does help with happiness. While I have no “IRL” friends, I do have pen pal friends and they are true and real friends indeed! It has taken me to go out of my comfort zone to stay involved and work on these relationships, but it has been so very worth it.

Ain’t got not girl to make you smile
But don’t worry be happy
Cause when you worry
Your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So don’t worry, be happy (now)…..

Speaking of style, we are getting a free preview month of OWN network and what is on every morning at 8am cst?? What Not To Wear!! YES!! So, I’ve been enjoying some episodes from 2005 and 2006 including the infamous “Peanut” episode – that one makes me laugh my butt off!! Soon we won’t get the free preview and I won’t get to see Stacy and Clinton anymore, but I’m trying to decide if I want to up our Dish package so we can get TLC and WNTW again. Of course it will come with ESPN and I’m already a tech and sports widow and just not sure this is the way to go. Oh, and I do think my style has improved a little since watching the show :-).

There is this little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note for note
(Like good little children)
Don’t worry, be happy
(Listen to what I say)
In your life expect some trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don’t worry, be happy……
Don’t worry don’t do it, be happy
Put a smile on your face
Don’t bring everybody down like this
Don’t worry, it will soon past
Whatever it is
Don’t worry, be happy

Oh yeah EXPECT trouble – someone forgot to give me that memo apparently. In the last 6 years we have: replaced two refrigerators, replaced a washer and dryer, replaced one stove, replaced two water heaters, replaced two air conditioners, had numerous plumbing episodes, replaced a stolen cd player from car, and had our van repaired several times. Some of us just have more trouble than others. It’s no wonder I worry! However, I try to put my trust in God where it belongs, even if it’s hard to do some days. Maybe I should take these four little words to heart and sing the song when things go wrong. Who knows, maybe I’ll just laugh it off and be able to move forward easier. Worrying sure doesn’t bring results.

So, that’s my expounding on the song and my week and my life :-). Matt is coming home for the weekend and we’re going to watch Tron Classic and Tron Legacy this weekend so that should be fun. Here’s to not worrying and being happy just in the present moment for worrying about tomorrow does no good.

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