Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

My Second Son Leaves Home

March 11, 2012

SO, I am pondering all of the last 23 years as my second son, Jeffrey, leaves home today. He is packed and ready to go – we just need to load up the van and hug him and wish him well and let the tears flow as I watch him fly on his own.

Of all the things I remember about any of my children’s lives, it is the day of their birth that is most vivid in my memory. With Jeff I had a month of false labor and down at the end I had a ritual of The Dating Game, m&m’s, and a Pepsi Slurpee while sitting in front of the window air conditioner (he was an August baby). When he finally arrived, I ended up with a c-section and he screamed for most of the time afterward until they got him in his bed I think. After we got him home though – quiet as a mouse. He was so very different from Matt and still is to this day. At 3 months old he was a night owl. He woke up at 3am every morning and didn’t go back to sleep until 6am or so. And yes, he is still a night owl too.

Jeff has always been more of a thinker and introvert than Matt and Chris and his passions range from writing stories to biology to making up new versions of pies. He is also a gamer and has almost a complete collection of Nintendo handheld systems – that impressed me and I’m encouraging him to complete it. That is a collection to be proud of in my book!

He also is compassionate and loving and I think it’s a great way to be. Most men do not let their feelings be known, but he is more sensitive and it shows and I know it’s not the way men are taught to be or think they ought to be, but truly it’s okay. This is one of my favorite moments in HackFam history and I want to tell this story to let you know the kind of children I have (yes, bragging coming up – I’m allowed).

In 2008 I had my meltdown and that was also the beginning of our financial meltdown too. It was looking like a no Christmas Christmas that year and as the weeks went by I was wondering what I was going to do. One morning, I went downstairs and in the living room was a huge Christmas tree with a Santa hat on top. I cried quietly so no one would hear and I knew who it was who had bought it. Jeff wanted to make sure we at least had a tree even if that was all we had – we needed some Christmas in the house. That was so much fun decorating that tree and to this day I get teary thinking of it. That Christmas turned out to be one the most precious we’ve had because even though we had little money we had each other and the hope of better days ahead.

When Matt went to college, Jeff and I spent more time together and our relationship grew even more. I’m glad for every moment we’ve had – even the not so good ones. We’ve had many opportunities to relate experiences and talk and grow. We’ve also more than our share of fun times and.

As I write this, he and his dad have left and we had our goodbyes. All I could do was hold on and cry before he left as if to hold on to that baby he used to be. It was like the years just slipped through my fingers in those short moments all coming down to this letting go. There are so many stories and so much we have shared through the years but it all comes down to this: I am SO proud of you Jeff – proud of the man you’ve become and proud of just who you are! I know that you will find your passion and you will excel at it when you do! We’ve had so much fun together and I’m thankful for every moment we’ve had!! I love you Jeff!!

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Another One Leaves the Nest

March 8, 2012

And yes, I am considering writing a parody just for the occasion :-). For now I’ll just tell you that tomorrow another boy of mine – Jeff – is leaving the nest to go live on his own. Okay, so he’s not totally going to be on his own since he’s moving in with Matt, but mostly on his own. How do I feel? Well, it’s a little easier the second time around, but still emotional. Again, I’m feeling like I didn’t do all that I could have or should have but that all has to be left now and I have to say, I did the best I could. I think we always have to do that when our children leave home. But I digress.

Jeff started packing a few weeks ago and today some time he’ll pack the last of his stuff up – his computer and computer desk – and tomorrow we’ll pack it all up in the big van and move him out. Also, they are moving to a bigger apartment so not only is Jeff moving but Matt is moving too. It’s going to be a busy day and someone will need Tylenol or Advil by the end of it all I’m sure. Probably Mike – the others are still young yet :-).

Anyway, I’m going to put my thoughts together for a send off post tomorrow complete with pictures – bwahahahaha. Be afraid Jeff – be very afraid!

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My Almost 50 Makeover Year?

March 6, 2012

Well, well, well – I had this interesting thought the other day. Maybe I should get myself pulled together this year so I can be a hot tamale when I celebrate being 50 next January. Yes, that’s right – CELEBRATE! I know I’m going to be 50 so why try to hide it and instead celebrate my age. Doesn’t it mean I’ve attained some amount of wisdom anyway? So, maybe this is the plan for me this year and heaven knows I’m way overdue for a makeover. Not to mention, I think I’ve earned one.

I took a book out of the library called “The Grown Up Girl’s Guide to Style” by Christine Schwab and it is good. It talks about what clothes you can and cannot (and should not) wear now that you’re older. We have to shake off the juniors department because, let’s face it, we can’t pull that look off anymore (don’t worry – I don’t shop there at all)! However, it’s not time to give up and throw in the towel either – we need to dress our age which is somewhere in between. I realized this awhile ago and the shorts wearing stopped when I was 40ish – I just couldn’t pull that look off anymore and I knew it. I’ve also watched enough What Not To Wear to know what I should and should not be wearing anyway. So, maybe it’s time to really find my style.

In reading about skin care, and looking at my drying out face, I think that maybe it’s time for a different regimen. I’m looking at some different products that address aging skin concerns and will purchase some new items soon. The skin around my eyes in particular is getting tissue papery and I need something for that now! My makeup needs to change too – time for the powders to go away – including blush – creams are going to be much more forgiving.

My hair already had a makeover last year and I do need to keep that up. I got another haircut before my modeling debut last September but it was awful! The stylist I had gone to in March wasn’t at that salon anymore and I didn’t have much of a choice seeing as how I picked the day before to cut my hair. I’ve let it grow out and now that it’s been a year since that first fabulous style, I need to get it done again. One thing I am not going to do as I age is color my hair. It’s too much expense and upkeep and rarely looks natural unless you spend beaucoup bucks to have it done right. I’m just going to let it do its thing naturally.

The book also talks about attitude and moving forward into new realms as well. Yep, it’s time to branch out – well, to a point. I still have young ones at home to care for so I have to still be mommy for a few more years yet. I can (need to?), however, find new avenues for meeting people and stretching myself in that way.

Obviously, the weight is the biggest issue and it’s time to get healthier now that I’m approaching 50. The weight needs to come off and I also need to get strength in my muscles and bones since I am a woman and osteoperosis is a huge concern. So, I really need to work more on those issues.

So, that’s something for me to think about and plan out this month because I’ll be 50 (God wiling) in 10 months! I’ll keep you posted :-).

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Garfield was right – Mondays ARE bad!

March 5, 2012

My kids really love the old Garfield comics and they are forever taking the books out of the library. And Garfield hates Mondays because everything goes wrong. Today, I will say with Garfield, “Mondays suck!”. What? He never actually said that? Well, he should have! How did I start today? By accidentally dropping a bowl on the kitchen floor and smashing it into a zillion pieces. At 5 am. *sigh* I swept the best I could, but I’ll wait until 7am to vacuum so I don’t wake everyone up. I hope this is not a harbinger of how the rest of the day will go. Maybe this is the worst part and I just got it over with early. Yeah, I’ll go with that.

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Nyan Cat Revisited

February 24, 2012

A beautiful Nyan cat rendered in Cra-Z-Art clay by Maggie.

Trivia – I did find out the “nyan” is a Japanese word that means “meow” basically. So, Nyan Cat is Meow Cat I guess :-).

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The right gift at the right time :-)

February 23, 2012

FYI – For those faint of heart or not liking swearing – a few bad words do show up in today’s post.

Yesterday, I opened the mailbox to find 2 packages. One was for Jeff as expected, but the other one was addressed to “Mom Hackmann”. What?? Well, that would be me, and I don’t know why anyone else in this family would buy something and then have it sent to them as “Mom Hackmann”. So, I opened it and guess what? It WAS for me! It was a 365 day calendar – you know, the kind where you tear off a sheet a day – and called “The Daily Bitch – Includes your recommended daily dose of bitching.” HAHAHAHA – OMG – I laughed my butt off right there!

The other great thing? The timing was perfect! I’ve had a few bad days already this week (but I won’t go into that right now) and so this came at just the right time. Oh, and who was it from? Well, at first I thought it might be Chris, but then I thought it might be Matt because I sent him this book (warning – also profanity and vulgarity here so don’t look unless it doesn’t bother you) a few weeks ago. I knew he liked The Oatmeal website, and when I saw the book I couldn’t resist. Besides, I’m always trying to beat him to the punch when it comes to gifts for birthdays or Christmas. He always buys himself stuff I would have bought him so then I have to come up with new ideas. :-/ Anyway, the calendar did indeed come from Matt and I have to say, what fun kids I have and we know each other well. Heh.

Here’s a few photos – check out what today’s says – LOL!

So THANK YOU again Matt for such a great gift – love it!

[ETA – Don’t worry, I won’t keep the calendar out on my nightstand lest the younger kids see it. I do know what is for adults and what is for children. Now back to your regularly scheduled program.]

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Today’s Gift

February 19, 2012

Remember I read “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp? Remember how after I read that I started looking for gifts each day – special things that seemed to be only for me? Well, today, I received one of those gifts.

I was in Aldi waiting for the conveyer belt to free up so I could get my groceries on it, when I spied the flower rack. In that rack – right in the middle – was this bouquet of beautiful pink roses! I went closer to have a look and decided to buy them. They were only $3 and I really needed a lift today.

Back home, after I unloaded the groceries, I found my favorite vase and put the roses in. However, I saved the pinkest one to put in this beautiful little vase I have and rarely get to use. That one went to my room on my nightstand. Later that day, that single flower opened up so much and it is just incredible in its beauty – that’s when I realized it. This is a gift – a very special gift.

A bit fuzzy, but the beauty is still there.

The rose on my nightstand in all its glory!

Thank you Lord for your gifts today!

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Not enough sleep? Hormone crash? You be the judge!

February 15, 2012

Today after lunch I was going to ask my two sons, Joe and Steve, to clear the table from lunch. However, that’s not what came out, this is what I said:

“Joe and Steve, would you go ahead and turn the tv off please.”

WHA???? Even Joe said, “What did you say??” and then laughed his head off. *rolling eyes*

That’s right up there with the time that I told one of my older boys (then a youngster) to “hop in the toilet” when I meant “hop in the tub”. Oh yeah, I can still hear the guffawing today.

So, when I went to Aldi to pick up a few things we needed, I saw a Christmas cd in the van and put that in to listen to on my way there. Instantly I was soothed by the sounds of the Trapp Family Singers singing old fashioned carols. But, it doesn’t stop there! I went in to Aldi, and immediately grabbed a giant Fruit and Nut bar and some of their yummy hazelnut wafer bars. Down the aisle I also grabbed two boxes of brownie mix so I could whip up a treat for the kids. Hey, Mom is having a bad day – let’s all have chocolate!

Did I say bad day? Oh yeah, I forgot about the Broccoli Cheese Soup that was almost just broccoli soup (I used the cheese packets from 2 boxes of mac and cheese to make it do). Well, it was nothing that Christmas music and chocolate couldn’t cure. Oh, and maybe I’ll get more sleep and have a brain cell infusion too. Couldn’t hurt right?

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Snow Day!

February 13, 2012

Today we woke up to a couple inches of snow and already it is melting away. I let the kids play in it as much as possible because I knew it was going to be short lived and may be the last snow we get this year since we are already half way through February. I won’t mind if it’s the last snow we get this year – last year we had more than enough to cover several years! So, here’s what we did this morning:

Becky making a snowball to throw.

Katie pondering footprints...or something.

Joe considering the beauty of the snow...yeah, right.

Even Sally has fun in the snow!

Maggie puts the finishing touches on her "Snow Cat".

It's Snow Cat!

The branches on trees always look as if someone sifted powdered sugar on them.

Not bad…not bad at all for a Monday.

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From Oh Cr*p! to A-Ha!

February 12, 2012

Yesterday morning when I got up I did the usual stuff, including flushing the toilet. Obviously the toilet didn’t want to be flushed because it backed up. I thought it was going to go down so I turned my back. Result? An overflowing toilet all over our hardwood floor. I plunged and got everything down, and grabbed a towel from the shower curtain rack. That’s when the whole rack fell down into the tub. Le sigh. But, I just went about my business cleaning up and then going downstairs to get breakfast and coffee.

Now, in a previous part of my life, this whole episode would have reduced me to tears and wonder why the universe was against me. Not this time. This time, I accepted it as just being what it was – a clogged toilet and a shower curtain that just came down. Simple. Apparently, I have made much progress to get to this point and I feel pretty proud of myself. Now, watch, there will be another day when I’ll blame the universe, but for now I’m going to revel in the fact that I have progressed. That I have overcome the depression (for the most part) and moved forward into a brighter day. A day filled with normal stuff and accepting it as normal stuff. What a revelation!

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