Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Something I’ve Always Wanted

June 2, 2012

On Thursday I decided to take a deep breath and buy something I’ve wanted ever since we moved into this house – a patio set! I had finally found one that was $100 and it had everything I required. I had been looking at one that was more expensive, but it was very beige and this other one was more colorful. The reviews were all very good too – the average star rating was close to 5! That was the clincher. So, after hemming and hawing for about 2 months, I finally jumped and bought it. Luckily, they had it at our local Wally World and we were able to pick it right up. YAY!

After Chris and I got home, we started supper and Mike and Steve (with “help” from the younger ones) put our patio set together. It is SO cute and fits perfectly in it’s little spot. The four youngest hogged it all yesterday evening and that also made me feel good as it’s something we can ALL enjoy – not just mommy. I am looking forward to having quiet times outside on my own. Luckily the sun is coming up around 6:30, if not before, and no one else is up then so I’ll have my moments :-).

Anyway, here are some pictures of this lovely little patio set that has totally made my day.

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May Progress Report

June 1, 2012

And so we’ve come to the end of another month. It was an interesting month to say the least. Here in the middle of the country May began and ended with severe storms – whee. However, Wednesday night’s storms have brought a cold front through our area and it is so cool and beautiful! It’s almost like an early fall day. Better enjoy it before the heat of summer kicks in.

We’re continuing in restoration mode and I still need to make that list of all the stuff we are needing. It is slow going, but things are getting done and we are moving forward. Hopefully this time next year we’ll have been through most of it (the restoration) and can relax and enjoy other stuff. Like maybe a family vacation somewhere – I’m still wanting to go to that Little House in Mansfield and there are those museums in OK City. In the meantime I really should take advantage of the museums we have in OUR area and get some good field trips in this summer. It’s time!

Don’t ask about the weight or the weight loss efforts. I cannot focus on it long enough to do any good. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever slow down enough for me to focus on, well, ME. Sounds selfish, but a mom does need to take care of herself to be able to take care of her family. A burnt out mom living on coffee and eating chocolate for stress relief isn’t much good.

Speaking of burnt out, I am following the suggestions in Real Learning and that is going well. It is helping to revive me. I start my day with the Morning Offering and end my day with my prayer to the Trinity (I’ll talk about that later – in a different post). I also read my Bible each day – not studying, just reading. I have read John, Mark, and Romans. Now I’m working on Luke and will read Acts after that. I always start by reading a Psalm as well. This has been a real balm for my soul and given me much to think about during my days. I try to pray the rosary at night, but usually nod off right after I’ve made my intentions :-).

I am also spending quiet time outside daily just soaking up nature. I’m also trying to do something just for me – a favorite tv show, a book, whatever. I realize I need more outlets for myself and need to find ways to nurture myself. I’m also really needing to start that journal, but one step at a time. I’m also working on just two goals for health – water and a daily vitamin. You wouldn’t believe how helpful just those two things are! Oh, and more sleep – and if I need a nap during the day I take one! My darn stupid hormones are wreaking havoc on me now that I’m going through “the Change” (ominous music plays in background).

SO, all in all, not a bad month – I feel like I’m making progress every day and we as a family are making progress. Even if it’s at a snail’s pace.

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Books To Read Together

May 31, 2012

I thought I’d share today some of our family’s favorite read alouds. Even my older boys have enjoyed these books and could be found reading them when we first bought them. There is nothing like reading stories aloud to your children – it fosters family bonds and often creates marvelous discussions on what you read.

D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths – Ingri and Edgar D’Aulaire authored and illustrated many books for children and they are all incredible. The stories in this book of classic Green Myths are very well told and start at the beginning and go to the end of the age when myths died out. All of my favorites are here and many I’d never heard before. We read this as a family in 2009 for story time before the littles went to bed and we ALL enjoyed it so much. In fact, it has been looked at so much, that it is now starting to fall apart. That’s how I know the book is good – when it shows much wear and tear. A book that still looks like new I know hasn’t been read much and that’s always sad to me.

The Aesop For Children – This is the classic Aesop Fables book illustrated by Milo Winter and printed in 1919. This also has been a huge favorite that my children have read over and over again. Yes, even the older boys have read this one too. The illustrations are beautiful and the re-tellings of the stories fantastic. The only thing that might bother you is the language style as it is from 100 years ago. My kids always laugh at the stories with an ass – a donkey. Oh well. All in all – you just can’t go wrong with this one!

Paddle To the Sea – This is one of four books by Holling C. Holling that are just chockful of good stuff! Paddle is a boat that is carved by a young boy and takes a trip through the Great Lakes to the Atlantic Ocean. The illustrations are fantastic, and it isn’t just the story of Paddle, much more information about nature, industry, and geography are covered too. The other book of his I really like is The Tree In the Trail and it’s the story of how a tree grows from a young tree to an old one and what happens to it over the years. Truly these books make great read alouds and can also be the basis of unit studies or even the Beautiful Feet Geography study if you homeschool. Or even if you don’t – they make great summer studies for anyone!

The Year of Miss Agnes – This is a fantastic story about a teacher who goes to a small community in Alaska to teach at a small school there. There has been trouble keeping teachers there, but it’s not for the reasons you think. I first read it to Maggie and Joe a couple of years ago and when I read it to Becky and Katie, they still remembered it! That’s a powerful book! It is also a good read for homeschool moms or even elementary teachers to glean new ideas and new ways of thinking about education. It is a favorite of mine for that alone.

There are so many more good books out there, but those are just a few of our favorites. I should come back from time to time with more books that we have loved as there are many. There is much to be said about building a family library. Happy reading!

P.S. – I’m sorry there are no pictures and only links. I’m still having trouble inserting pictures and having it look the way I want. I’m not one of those professional photographer bloggers – just an ordinary mom with an old HP point and shoot and limited tech savvy :-).

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A Fun Quote For Today

May 25, 2012

Hey, I’m on a roll here by blogging every day but I didn’t know what to post for today. I have several posts that are in process, but they aren’t quite finished yet. So, for your viewing pleasure is a fun quote – enjoy!

“Age is something that doesn’t matter – unless you are a cheese” – Billie Burke or Luis Buruel

(I looked up the quote and saw it attributed to both people so I’ll put both their names here to give credit where credit is due. Whoever it is due to.)

TGIF!!

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Good Advice

May 24, 2012

We finished reading “Old Yeller” today – I needed a tissue at the end. That was in Chapter 15. In Chapter 16, Travis’ dad is talking with him about all that has happened and here is what he told the boy:

“It’s not a thing you can forget. I don’t guess it’s a thing that you ought to forget. What I mean is, things like that happen. They may seem mighty cruel and unfair, but that’s how life is a part of the time. But that isn’t the only way life is. A part of the time, it’s mighty good. And a man can’t afford to waste all the good part worrying about the bad parts. That makes it all bad.”

Yep – I cried a little more. There is a lot of truth to this advice and after my introspection this week, this talk came at a great time for me too. It’s a good thing to chew on and I will do just that.

Oh, and we will be watching the “Old Yeller” the movie this weekend and see how it stacks up against the book. Usually I like the books better and this book is a winner. If you haven’t read it do so and if it’s been a while since you last read it dust it off. There is nothing like a good book!

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Simplicity/Simplifying

May 23, 2012

My life is anything but simple . I am a mother, teacher, bookkeeper, cleaning lady, laundress, cook, nurse, etc….. We don’t have a lot of stuff, but it is time to declutter again. For awhile now I’ve been feeling drawn to having more simplicity in my life – living in a more simple fashion. Have you noticed it in the books I’m reading about Amish life? I also bought “Almost Amish” by Nancy Sleeth who outlines ways to live an almost Amish life of simplicity and with reverance for God’s creation. There are lots of great ideas to start simply where you are at and living in a way that is right for you and your family. You don’t have to go off the grid or live on a farm to live in a more simple intentional way.

I also bought the ebook “Simplify” by Joshua Becker and it also outlines easy ways to simplify – need to finish reading it too. It was my decluttering journey started by “Sink Reflections” that really started the simplifying process years ago. And “The Happiness Project” helped me to think of things, like money, in a whole new different light. So, this idea of simple living has been growing for awhile.

Not sure how this will play out and I have some family members (no, not you Matt) who are never going to get on board with it, but if I could find a way for ME and maybe even the little kids to live life in a simpler way without all the attachments to technology and stuff, well I think we’d be a little bit happier. Maybe our home would be a little more peaceful too.

So, these are things I’m thinking on and reading about and praying about.. My soul is thirsty and needs something more.

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Who Ya Gonna Call?

May 22, 2012

I’m feeling burned out of late what with major dental appointments, a house that is in the state of continually falling apart, birthdays, kids leaving, school, sickness, and two kids who tried to burn the house down yesterday. Okay, maybe that last one is a little over the top, but my two youngest boys were lighting matches close to the house on a tiny rock that is surrounded by grass. Luckily I caught them before something bad happened. Still – one more thing to add to my growing list of burdens.

So, I started my day off yesterday with a prayer for help. Which led me to pull this book off the shelf and read the chapter on “Battling Burnout”. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – that chapter is worth the price of the book alone!

And God did help me yesterday – He gave me ideas and wisdom on how to deal with some of the things going on. I did crisis cleaning yesterday to pull the house back into shape. While cooking dinner, I lit my new candles and listened to some good music and that always helps to calm me. After supper I sat outside with the kids in the cool of the evening (one of the last cool evenings we’ll have before summer starts up in earnest). I prayed the rosary before I went to bed as well.

By the end of the day I felt calmer, had stopped my little pity party, and felt I had the start of a plan. Today I am starting again with prayer and I’m going to continue thinking on these things and making plans today as school and housework go on. Tonight, Mike has his ball games and so I’m going to watch a couple of episodes of thirtysomething after kids have gone to bed.

So, that’s the plan for now and as long as I remember my commadments of Alice (like there’s no one right way), I think it’s all good.

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Music Monday

May 21, 2012

I was watching “The Way” – a movie about a pilgrimage on the Way of St James – and there was this song called “Thank U” in it. So, I looked up the lyrics and really listened to it. Especially after hearing the commentary about it being a controversial song. :-) This is a song about an epiphany and for Alanis Morissette it seems to have been just that. Come with me and I’ll show you what I mean.

how bout getting off these antibiotics

how bout stopping eating when I’m full up

how bout them transparent dangling carrots

how bout that ever elusive kudo

Okay – the line I most identify with here is the stopping eating when I’m full up. Yeah – I’m a stress eater so I can eat and eat when I’m stressed. So, I like this line that says, let’s try stopping the eating when I’m full. How about we try doing that. It’s like she’s thinking of a different way of living that she hadn’t thought of before. Let’s begin here – with this.

thank you india

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you thank you silence

Before anyone has a fit about thanking terror, it’s not about what you think it is. It’s about thanking the terror we have felt because it’s made us face fears and made us better for it – know what I mean? Thanking India is about a trip that Alanis Morissette took in 1997 to India and she wrote this song after that. Like I said, she obviously had an incredible epiphany on that trip – maybe even a spiritual epiphany.

Back to the lyrics here. Again, disillusionment, frailty, consequence can actually be good things in the big scheme of our lives if we can only see behind us and how they have shaped us for the better. Sometimes we have to be broken before we can heal – frailty. And of course, silence is always a good thing. I have a hard time cultivating silence within my soul, but I do love sitting in the dark in the morning praying and contemplating my life and the day ahead. Silence and solitude are things we all need in our lives, but they are hard to practice.

how bout me not blaming you for everything

how bout me enjoying the moment for once

how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you

how bout grieving it all one at a time

This set of lyrics speak to me the most starting with me not blaming you for everything. Sometimes it’s been God, sometimes other people in my life. Sometimes myself. I have realized though that some things are just part of life and need to be accepted. Obviously some things are of my own making and we all have those times. The harder stuff I don’t understand why it happened, but I have to believe that God is working some good through it all. So, let’s stop the blaming and the arguing and the bitterness we hang on to and let go and forgive and move on.

How about me enjoying the moment for once. Often, often, I am so paralyzed with anxiety and fears in certain situations that enjoyment goes right out the window. One Sunday, I went out of town and bummed around with my two older boys. I was wondering if I should really go and then I heard that line as I was listening to the song and I just let go and enjoyed and it was good. It is something I haven’t quite conquered yet, but I’m getting there.

Forgiveness is not for the person we need to forgive – it’s for US. It makes us feel better and makes the bitterness and hatred go away and it does feel good when we finally can get to that point. It is a release and healing can really begin once we take that step to forgive. Sometimes it takes time to get to that point, but we need to get to that point for our own sake.

Grieving it all one at a time – still chewing on this one. Maybe it means taking each thing in our life and grieving for it the way we need to but just one thing at a time. For so many of us in recovery from depression there are alot of things we need to grieve over and sometimes it seems like we should just do it all at once, but we can’t. Take each item and work through it, grieve it, accept it, and move on. One item at a time and one day at a time.

the moment I let go of it

was the moment I got more than I could handle

the moment I jumped off of it

was the moment I touched town

Ah, letting go of whatever we need to let go of often brings more in our lives – more good things – than we could imagine. It breathes new life in our souls and our lives and we can finally be free of so much junk. One of my favorite books is Melody Beattie’s “Language of Letting Go”. Letting go takes time as we make our way through healing. It’s gradual, but it does happen.

how bout no longer being masochistic

how bout remembering your divinity

how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

how bout not equating death with stopping

No longer being masochistic – no longer beating yourself up over things. Mostly small things that you turn over in your mind a hundred times. I have actually stopped a lot of this and it is so good to not do it anymore! I still do occasionally, but it is another thing I am finally leaving behind.

Remembering your divinity – both the divinity of God and of ourselves for we are all made in the image and likeness of God and therefore we all deserve respect from other people, and especially OURSELVES! So remember your divinity – you are a child of God and loved in an extraordinary way.

Unabashedly bawling your eyes out – I love this one because sometimes it’s just what we need to do. For a long time every Sunday at church I’d cry. I cried for two years after my breakdown in 2008. Someone told me it was a long time to cry, but I don’t think so. I had waited too long trying to keep everything in. There is no shame in crying and we all need to do it at various times in our lives. Again – it is a healing thing.

Death isn’t the end. For believers, our souls do not stop at death – it is simply another beginning. For those left behind they have to move on as well. Some people stop and hold on to their loved ones, but they need to accept and go forward. It is a very hard thing and I have experienced it too so I know the feelings and how hard it is to let go.

thank you india

thank you providence

thank you disillusionment

thank you nothingness

thank you clarity

thank you thank you silence

Ah, and here we have the last refrain – she adds thanking nothingness and clarity to the list. Nothingness – hmm – I get it but it’s hard to explain. In our weakness we have strength. In our nothingness we are somebody simply by being. We bring our “nothingness” to God and he makes something of it.

Thank you providence – I looked up providence. It means, “the foreseeing care and guidance of God over the creatures of the earth”, “a manifestation of divine care or direction.” Yes, thank you providence because without your care I probably couldn’t have even taken care of myself sometimes. And clarity – ah glorious clarity – when we finally see what we need to see and we finally understand it.

So, that’s my take on this song. Give it a listen and see what you think.

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My Gift For Today

May 20, 2012

This morning, I took my Bible outside to do my daily reading. The air was cooled by a front coming through and there were the usual assortments of birds flying, twittering, and rustling around in the yard. I enjoy just watching and listening to all the activity going on. Joe joined me and we watched and listened together.

I noticed a robin had perched himself on the fence and I pointed him out to Joe. We watched as Mr. Robin flew to the ground and seemed to be wrestling with something. That was when we saw that he was trying to pull a worm out of the ground! He pulled and pulled and finally got that worm. He dropped it on the little stone path and enjoyed some of his breakfast, but the rest he took in his beak and flew off. No doubt he has a little family to provide for and that worm will make a fine meal indeed.

You know, I’ve seen nature in plenty of those old timey films and filmstrips we used to watch eons ago in school and, of course on tv. But, this is the first time I have ever seen a real bird up close and personal getting his food. Joe and I were in awe and felt so privileged to have seen it for real.

As I watched I realized this was my gift for the day and the sight of it will be with me as I go through the busy-ness that is my life. So, look for something in the ordinariness of your day today and see what gifts our God will bring to you.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable then they? – Matthew 6:26

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Quote For Today

May 18, 2012

“It’s the want of something that gives you the blues. It’s not what isn’t, it’s what you wish was that makes unhappiness.” – Janis Joplin

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