Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

I broke up with my bag of Easter candy

April 5, 2013

Yesterday my Richard Simmons H.O.P.E. program arrived – quit laughing – he has been a help to many, many overweight and obese people for decades. W hat endears him to everyone? He genuinely cares. He’s BTDT so he knows how hard all this is. He gets you to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. BUT I’ll save that for my review of the program. So let me begin again..AHEM…

This morning I took out the nutritional booklet which has the set up, meal plans, and exercise calendar in it. I read through most of it and decided that I was going to begin the program. My first step? To throw out the bag of Easter candy I had sitting in my dresser drawer. And I did it – I really did! But before I parted with it, I talked to it. I broke up with candy and it went something like this:

“Hey candy, I’m throwing you out because I don’t need you. You make me feel bad physically and mentally. There are no nutritional qualities in you. I have God to rely on on my bad days and you don’t fit in that picture. So, I’m letting you go because I don’t want you anymore. You’re not good for me. I have found a better way.”

And I tossed that bag of candy in the trash can and walked away feeling pretty damn smug. A feeling of freedom came over me too. Then I made myself a fruit smoothie:

1/4 small banana

1/4 c. blueberries

1/4 c. milk

1/4 c. fat free plain yogurt

Is all this newness going to be difficult? Yes. Am *I* worth it – oh yes I am!!

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I Think I’m Cold Blooded

March 25, 2013

It has been cold here the last several days – spring appears to be hiding in my neck of the woods and I cannot seem to get warm. It’s probably my darned thyroid (that I’m on meds for), but I’m thinking…maybe I’m cold-blooded in reality. You know, like an iguana or a kimodo dragon. And since there is no sun there’s little chance of getting warmed up so I just slllooooowwww down. Like today – I napped for an hour this afternoon and that is not like me at all. It could be that I was up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep. The most likely culprit? That darned time change – UGH. I wish we could just stay on standard time year round. It was good for the world for millenia and I say it’s good enough NOW. Well, at least it’s going to get warmer starting Wednesday – I can only hope.

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I Like Who I Am

March 12, 2013

Wait – did I really just say that??!! Yes, yes, I believe I did. Yes. And it only took 50 years to say it! Well, okay – maybe 40 – but still…you get what I am talking about.

I was chatting with Matt the other night and those words popped out and I was sincere and truly believed them for the first time in my life. You see all my life I have wanted to be anyone other than me. Even trying to be like other people so they’d like me. Or I could be like them because I hated myself so much. But it never worked and never will. I had to finally come to accept me as I am – God does. I thought about that fact weeks ago – God loves me unconditionally just as I am. Not to say there isn’t room for improvement but together we’re working on it. But who I am – the essence of me – he loves me and I should love myself because He does. It was an incredible revelation to say it out loud – I like who I am – and I kept saying it my head for a full two days afterwards – I like who I am. There’s no one I’d rather be than me. :-)

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The Pope Is Resigning – It’s going to be a different Lent

February 11, 2013

The first thing I heard this morning was that Pope Benedict XVI is resigning. I’m surprised but not overly. The last time I saw him preside over Mass he was not looking very good. I was wondering what had happened to him in the last few months. I guess now I know. He is 86 years old and the body doesn’t last forever and, for me, it was hard to watch John Paul II decline over the years due to Parkinson’s. What a way to begin Lent! I think however it is the perfect time for this to happen so that we, the faithful (and some of us – meaning me – not so faithful), can pray a little more deeply and give a little more thought to our faith and what it all means this Lent.

I have decided to clean up my act a bit by Taming My Tongue over the next 40 days. It truly is in need of an overhaul. My thoughts need to get in alignment too as I believe they go together. I also started reading “A Woman’s Wisdom” – it is a study of Proverbs – and I think this lines up with the other two things. It is time for me to get back on track.

So, let’s pray for a fruitful Lenten season for those who travel the Way and also pray for Joseph Ratzinger to find peace in his decision and for us to accept it without judgement or condemnation. Our Lady of Lourdes pray for Pope Benedict and pray for us too.

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Quote For the Day

January 31, 2013

I tried to find the original quote, but they are all about the same – it goes like this:

“Do not trade what you want at the moment for what you want most.”

I’m going to put this one on my fridge and maybe my purse too. I learned it when we were going through out debt payoff process and had to look at the goal instead of wanting it over now or giving up because it seemed too hard to do. Knowing that success was in my grasp was the one thing that kept me going those last six months.

Now the biggest thing I want is to lose weight and get healthy and if I keep this quote in mind maybe healthier food will jump in my cart instead. Maybe I will go for the tasty healthier recipes instead of the comfort food I am always wanting. It’s worth a try. Getting started is hard, but doing nothing assures me that nothing will happen and nothing will change. The question is – how badly do I want change?

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What I Did On My 50th Birthday

January 27, 2013

As Mr. Depp has no doubt told you on your visit here, I am 50 years old now. And that’s what my kids told me all day long – just listen:

Becky: You are OLD today Mom!!! But I love you anyway (gives me a big hug)

Well, wasn’t that sweet? I don’t mind being old if it means I am still loved by my kids in spite of it :-).

Even Chris called me yesterday and what were the first words out of his mouth? “Happy Birthday you old person!” Oh boy.

So, this is how I spent my 50th birthday. My brother Dan sent an ecard and a gift and then I received a text from my other brother David wishing me a good birthday. My mom and sister came over around 10ish bearing some really fun cards and to visit. We haven’t visited in awhile because yours truly can never seem to find the time. What a stupid excuse – I should go over there on Sundays while Mike is watching football. Much funner. The mail brought school books for the kids (HA) and a funny card from my sister-in-law Val. She turned 50 last August so she knows how it is. After that I made an awesome tuna salad for my lunch and declared it DIY day for lunch as well. We’d already skipped school (but MOM we never do school on birthdays!) so why not extend that to lunch time – I’ll just skip that too. HAHA.

I was going to make a Cocoa Goodie cake (apparently Ina Garten knows about it too – exact same thing), but dishes were piling up (AHEM – that is my husband’s domain) and I decided to go out for a Starbucks instead and to find something a cake at Walmart to celebrate with. Not to mention the noose of the realization I really AM 50 now was tightening and I just needed to get away for a breather. And maybe a good cry.

So I went to Starbucks and bought a GRANDE peppermint mocha – decaf of course. What? Oh well, yes, I do usually get the tall size, but, what the hell, it was my birthday so cut me some slack people. After that I went to Walmart and what did I find? These cute little cupcakes that looked like something in a fancy bakery and only six bucks for 10! YES – $6!! So I bought those – no big cake to tempt me later either. After that I went to the mall and bummed around feeling sorry for myself but also enjoying some time to look at things I never really get to look at. Like Vera Bradley bags. Well, I ran into a lady I knew and we had a good chat and gave out hugs freely as a way to bolster each other up in our trials. After that I felt SO much better that I decided, yes, I will go look for jeans today. But I also found an awesome denim jacket and I got it for only $20 ’cause it was on SALE!! YES! Did I find jeans? I did and it’s a good thing too – I can’t run around with jeans that have holes and scuffs around the hemline forever. Especially now that I have an awesome bag :-). Yep – the fashionista in me is back baby!!

Well, I went home feeling much better and my husband had done the dishes too (thanks honey) so we ordered takeout for dinner because I was skipping cooking dinner and I didn’t want to dirty up that clean kitchen either. What a….nice person I am huh? Bwahahahahaha. You only turn 50 once anyway. That was yummy and then we had the cupcakes for dessert. And we watched Spongebob afterwards to relax.

I went to bed feeling a little better about turning 50 and listened to some good tunes before falling asleep. And that was my day. So, do I get an A on my theme Miss Shields? :-)

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Bringing back the Old Songs

January 10, 2013

In case you all don’t know – I am OLD. I look back to my childhood now and wonder how I got from there to here. Has all that time really gone by? I think back to school dances and music a lot – music has been with me for a long, long time and I decided it was high time to start my collection of really old oldies. So, I went to Amazon and finally began to choose some songs from the 70’s (and a few from the 60’s) to begin my collection of oldies. Because really, the 80’s weren’t that long ago that they can be considered oldies you know. Here’s what I’ve bought so far:

1. Nights in White Satin – Moody Blues

2. Little Willy – Sweet

3. Bang a Gong (Get It On) – T Rex

4. Let’s Hang On – Barry Manilow (I never thought I’d go back to any of his music, but this one is a standout in my book. It’s an old Four Seasons song but he kept to the original flavor with a slight disco beat that I really love. Yes, I also watched American Bandstand religiously back in the day)

5. Rag Doll – Four Seasons (This is a post for another day but suffice it to say it’s a wonderful song the likes of we never hear anymore – what a pity)

6. American Pie – DonMcLean

7. Daydream Believer – The Monkees

I am probably going to add Killer Queen and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen in there soon. I remember the first time I ever saw the video for Bohemian Rhapsody – I thought it was awesome and still do. I could not believe when it came back as a result of Wayne’s World – it almost felt surreal to hear it again and see that video again. It always feels that way when bits from my past show up.

There are many good 70’s groups like America and Bread and it would be hard to choose any one song from them for I like several. So for now I’ll do a pick and choose of those songs from my teen years that have the most meaning and the strongest emotional attachment. Many moons ago I had a running list of all my favorite songs as I went from 7th through 12th grades. I wish I still had it. Wekkm I’m off to make a new cd mix of 70’s music to enjoy and relive some good times. Have a nice day :-).

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Reflections on 2012

January 1, 2013

Here we are at the end of another year – and the beginning of a new one – they seem to be zipping by with unreal speed. Although last year seemed more usual as far as time pace goes..for me at least. So let’s see, what happened in 2012.

First we are in full restoration mode in our family. It meant dental visits for most of us – lots of dental visits – and even added orthodontist visits as well. Most of us are caught up now and the rest will go in next month to get started again. We also started replacing our furniture which is a big WHOO HOO as all of our living room furniture is shot. We use our things up until they are no longer useable. We are not the type who after a couple of years need a change of color or whatever. Nope – we are very green – we use everything up and only replace when we need to throw out. Or in our case have the money to replace and throw out.

This year was also a wake up call for me and my health. I am on two blood pressure meds and thyroid medicine as well. I need to make some big changes and while I have made some starts (and fallen off the wagon a few times too), I know I need to plod ahead with vigor. I need to make it another 9 years to see all of my kids off in the world. You never know though, there are no guarantees, so I am also starting to think ahead because no one lives forever and I sure want to be going to the right place. For me it’s going to be purgatory hopefully – lots and lots of years of purgatory. That’s okay – I’ll get to heaven eventually.

We experienced change as a family as well. Jeff left in March to go out on his own and Chris left for college in July. Both are doing well and I am learning more and more how to let go but still support. Ah, it’s a fine line.

Having more money meant we could buy things we needed when we needed them like food and clothes. As we speak our fridge, freezer, and cupboards are fairly bursting with food. Two years ago it was not like this and the struggle that so many people face with money to where they can’t put food on the table was brought home to us all here. I am truly thankful for all we have! It also means that charitable giving will need to increase in 2013 as well. I already have a few places in mind.

We only had a couple of house glitches (knock on wood) and the van is still running so that’s a plus. In 2013 we hope to get a smaller, newer vehicle so that’s a prayer to add for our family.

I am also thinking of making some radical changes in my life. Well, radical for me anyway. I am turning 50 and yes I am HAPPY about it! It’s kind of weird to think I am that old already, but it is also a time to reflect and make changes because I can now. The kids are growing up and there are no toddlers or babies around anymore so I need to define what my life can be for me. I would like to make some friends here in town (and it’s not easy due to many factors) but I will try. Just for the hell of it, I may even go back to school to get job training. All I know is that my life needs a breath of fresh air and I need to open a window and look and see what is out there for me. Hopefully I won’t fall out of it :-).

So HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! And make sure of these things when you make your resolutions:

S – Specific

M – Measurable

A – Achievable

R – Realistic

T – Time-bound

See you soon!

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An Oh Crap Afternoon

December 17, 2012

It has been awhile since I’ve blogged about an oh crap moment or two hasn’t it? Well, today, dear readers, I get to regale you with my moments of utter stupidity. Basically, this kind of stuff makes me feel as if I’m going crazy. On the other hand, maybe I already AM crazy! Who knows. Anyway, this is what happened.

First, I went to make my menu plan and wanted Christmas music to write by. I couldn’t find the cd case with all the Christmas cd’s in it. So, I went to get my keys thinking it might be in the car. Looked in my purse and guess what? No keys either. UGH. That’s when I started getting a little sweaty. I asked all the kids and they had no clue as to either, so, again I looked in my purse and guess what? Keys were in the very bottom. I went to the car to see if the cd case was in there and guess what again? Yep – cd case.

Okay, now for the piece de resistance. I am making Turkey Jumble for dinner and it requires boxed potato mix (yeah I feel like cheating tonight). I dump out the potatoes in the pan and set aside the seasoning mix. Then, I take the overflowing trash out to the can while the turkey cooks. I get back inside and put the seasoning in the potatoes and that is when it hits me folks – the boxes are out in the trash and I don’t know the amounts to make these things. Oh crap. So I start looking for the directions and can’t find any (because I put in the wrong topic – I finally found them). So, I am winging it and while it will be edible, it’s just another crazy moment for me today.

So, there you have it – my totally brain dead oh crap moment. You can stop laughing now.

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The TV That Was Brought By Elves

December 12, 2012

So I’ve been Christmas shopping and it just about wiped me out this weekend hence the blog break. Like you’d notice after hardly blogging at all for the last 3 to 5 months right? Oh well, I’m certainly living up to my blog title – totally UNperfect. Well, let’s get back on track then and go down memory lane for Christmas 2010.

We were still in the grip of debt, but slowly seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, thankfully. After almost giving up in November, and talking myself out of it, we forged on. It was a brighter Christmas with the exception of everyone getting sick. That had started at Thanksgiving when Katie ate too much, but then on Christmas Eve Steve got sick and we all went down like dominoes. UGH. Something I never want to repeat again. Even with all that, my 3 big elves decided to play Santa again.

Apparently the idea to get us a new tv had started a few months earlier. Ours was certainly getting old and the volume wasn’t working so well anymore. I also think the boys decided we needed to be brought into the 21st century and the land of flat screen tv’s. I won’t disagree on that one – they are much better than those clunky old ones we had. At least we didn’t have a console tv – that would have been a lot harder to move out. Matt was a little worried that I was going to get a tv for Christmas though and when he asked I laughed my butt off. We were still paying off bills and it wouldn’t be until the next year when we could even think about it. So, I guess he let out a sigh of relief and moved forward with The Plan.

The boys bought the new tv (and a new tv stand to go with it) about two weeks before Christmas. When they got home it was quite late and they still had to stash their haul into the garage unknown to the rest of the family. Apparently they parked in front of the neighbor’s house and then snuck the goods into our house via the back way. And no one heard? Nope – not even Mike who was watching his usual nightly tv and he didn’t hear a thing. Maybe he had headphones on.

On Christmas Eve Phase II was in effect. Around 1 or 2 am (after Santa had arrived) the elves gathered to pull off their surprise. Chris had to be woken up and then Matt and Jeff felt Chris was talking way too loud. Surely they’d wake everyone up! Guess what? I never heard a thing! They took the old tv out to the garage, the old tv stand outside, and boxed up all the other various electronic stuff. Now they were ready to assemble the new tv stand – the majority of it was done in the dining room. When out in the living room there arose such a clatter, Maggie sprang from her bed to see what was the matter. Luckily Jeff shooed her away and kept a lookout thereafter.

Once the stand was in place in the living room, the tv was enshrined in its place of honor. Matt put a Nemo screensaver and big red bow on the tv while Jeff – aka Santa Claus – wrote a letter to the family to attach to the tv. At last the mission was complete and the boys were able to finally go to sleep. For three hours. Maybe.

On Christmas morning, the little kids had gone down ahead of me so they were the first to see what Santa had brought. When I arrived, I didn’t see the tv at first, but then the littles were all hollering at me about Santa bringing a new tv. I was like “Wha??” and turned around. Sure enough there was a beautiful new 42″ flat screen tv and stand from my three elves.

We have enjoyed that tv plenty over the last 2 years. The biggest difference is how HUGE it is – it’s like being at the movies every day. So, there you have it – another memorable Hackmann Family Christmas.

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