Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

An Unmanageable Life and the Possibilities of Kaizen

September 30, 2013

So, here I am admitting my powerlessness over people, food, life in general. As some of you know, the last few months unleased a torrent of unpleasantness on me and my family. I’ve been angry, jealous, and sad for awhile and it’s beginning to show. This month, I decided that it was time to get a grip on things again.

The first step I took was to get a health counselor – for free. We’ve had three phone sessions and I know this was a great decision. I talked with her on Friday and decided on one step to move forward (even though she suggested several things that could help right now). So, I’m drinking a 4 oz glass of water each hour to make sure I get that in. I’ve done it before and it works great, so I’m reintegrating it.

She also wants to see progress, so that night, feeling the out of controll-ness, I searched Amazon for books on “changing your life” and I found one on Kaizen – “One Small Step Can Change Your Life: The Kaizen Way” (by Robert Maurer PHD). Again, this word, kaizen, is dropped in my lap and I think it’s not a coincidence. So, I start reading and in the pages I find actual steps to take and questions to ask to move your life in the direction you need/want it to go. And I write down what I’m reading to start focusing on change.

One of the stories related is of a woman who is depleted – a single mother worn out, depressed and with high blood pressure (sounds familiar). The doctor wants her to start an exercise regimen, but the psychologist (the author of the book) knowing the difficulties of that says, “How about if you just march in place in front of the television, each day, for one minute”. Of course, the doctor is horrified at such a suggestion, but the woman perks up and says she could give it a try. And she did and it helped her to make room for more in the way of exercise down the road.

So, I thought, “Geez, I could do that”, and yesterday and today I have done just that. Marched in place in front of the tv for one minute. I laugh my way through, but when I’m done I feel good because I’ve finished something and, physically, it gives me a boost for the rest of the morning. It is one small change I can do right now to get well again.

There are questions in the book to ask yourself like:

“Can you think of a very small step you might take to improve ….?”

“What can I do in 5 minutes a day to….?”

“What’s the smallest step I could take to…?” (The blanks are mine)

There’s a psychology to all this because fear is the thing that keeps a lot of people from making changes. Just the thought of trying to keep up daily exercise for a week makes me cry. So, to stop the overwhelm, you start with very small manageable steps. So, I’m going to give this a whirl. I have hope that changes will be made. Not immediately, but I will get there.

So, you can laugh all you want at my 1 minute exercise regimen, but right now at least it’s something gentle I can do for my body and mind. And it’s buildable. As my kids would say, “It’s good for your soul!”. :-)

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Mom’s Night Out

June 27, 2013

About a year ago I started something I like to call Mom’s Night Out. It was a night out for me. No grocery shopping, no buying stuff for kids – just things I wanted to do and places I wanted to go. I did that last year, and when the daylight savings ended so did my nights out. The other day I was thinking, it’s time to do that again. I need the break and I need to find new things to do and possibly meet other people. It’s time.

So, what did I do?

1. Went to the library to return books and look at books. I remembered a novel, Violets of March, that I thought looked good so I took that out.

2. Went to Hastings and browsed magazines. I found the newest Allure (because even at 50 I’m still a makeup junkie), and Writer’s Digest (because I want to start writing – really writing).

3. K-Mart – looking for Organix Australian Tea Tree shampoo. So far no store in this town carries it. Meh.

4. Starbucks – Tall Double Chocolate Chip Frapp – no coffee. :-)

5. Staples – Looking for binders and found out they are already putting school supplies out!!! Squeee!

6. The Mall – I went to CJ Banks looking for a particular denim skirt and they didn’t have it. Went back to Dillards and asked about some Clinique eye shadow (did I mention that makeup junkie thing?). I ended up having a mini makeover which is something I haven’t done in a very long time. It’s a long story but let’s just say things like that do not make me comfortable. Yet, I decided to go ahead and do it. Nerve wracking, but fun.

And that’s my night out. I’m looking forward to next Wednesday but instead of going shopping, maybe I should get a notebook and go to the duck pond and do some writing. Or just be quiet and enjoy the nature around me. It’s time for that too.

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A Hymn For A Rough Week

June 13, 2013

An old hymn from days gone by but the sentiment is still the same as it ever will be for those who are struggling.

Oh when shall I see Jesus and reign with Him above
And from the flowing fountain drink everlasting love

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
And I’d praise God in his bright abode

When shall I be delivered from this vain world of sin
And with my blessed Jesus drink endless pleasures in

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
And I’d praise God in His bright abode

Through grace I feel determined to conquer though I die
And then away to Jesus on wings of love I’ll fly

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
And I’d praise God in His bright abode

Farewell to sin and sorrow I bid them both adieu
And oh, my friends, prove faithful and on your way pursue

Oh had I wings I would fly away and be at rest
And I’d praise God in His bright abode

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What A Difference A New Year Makes

June 3, 2013

I may or may not have said but we live in Oklahoma and, as I’m sure most of you have heard, we have suffered greatly from recent storms bringing tornadoes and flooding to our state. While I am loving the rain, it is getting full here but I’m sure we still have a deficit to make up because of drought the last two years. The tornadoes we could all do without.

Yesterday, we decided to enjoy the nice weather and go to a local park. I wrote a post about this same park last year and there are pictures of how dry it all was. That was September of 2012. Below are pictures of how it looks now – six months later. Notice the dry cracked ground has been replaced by boggy areas. And the little pond that was dried up is now brimming with water and hopefully teeming with wildlife again. So see what a new season has brought us.

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My Gift For Today

May 10, 2013

I spent what was left of the day outside, sitting in a lawn chair. The cool air mixing with the smell of the damp earth after rain. I prayed and thanked God for the beauty of spring:

1. The lush green that I can feast on with my eyes.

2. The songs of birds during the day and bugs and frogs at night to delight my ears.

3. The smell of honeysuckle and other flowers to delight my nose.

4. The vegetables that will soon come out of our garden to please my taste buds,

5. The roughness of rocks, the smooth grass, a feather dropped by a bird to touch in wonder at such diversity.

Then I prayed earnestly for the desires of my heart and fell still so I could listen – I am trying to cultivate silence in my mind and heart these days. That’s when I saw it – a dragonfly buzzing through the night sky. And swooping up right behind it a bird and I held my breath as I watched that bird snatch up the dragonfly while they were both in flight! I have never seen that before in real life – ever – and it just took my breath away with the beauty of it. And I thought – that is your gift for today. And I am so thankful that I was privileged to see it.

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Spring Beauty

April 28, 2013

I took a few photos yesterday at some of the beauty in our backyard right now. An empty egg that fell from it’s nest, wildflowers, and a newly planted garden is what I found. It has rained a lot this month and the grass is green and the ground is a deep rich black brown and smelling heavenly. Despite the cold temps, I’m very much enjoying it all – it reminds me of England at this time of year so I really don’t mind. Take the time to enjoy spring’s riches in your backyard or a garden ora park. It’s a gift.

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Quote For the Day

April 25, 2013

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.” – Charles William Elliot

AMEN to that! UPS is delivering me more friends, teachers, and counselors today. :-)

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Movie Review – The Women (1939)

April 20, 2013

I read a few blogs every day and one of those I peruse is Pioneer Woman – she lives in the county next door don’tcha know. On her Entertainment page there was this post on classic black and white movies and so I looked through the list and that’s when I saw it – The Women – a movie from 1939. She talked about how it was edgy and bitchy (my words – she said funny and mean) and I thought, “Edgy and bitchy from 1939??” Sounds like I should give that a try! So I put it on my Netflix Q and I watched it this week.

She was right – edgy and bitchy sums it up! It’s about wealthy women – some married and some not, some with children and some not – and not one man in the entire movie! Wow! Apparently it was a play that was so good that someone decided it needed to be made into a movie. Oh, and let’s use our arsenal of big name actresses while we’re at it – Joan Crawford, Joan Fontaine, Marjorie Main, Norma Shearer, Rosalind Russell (who is just a peach – I love her), and on and on. It was really incredible just to see all those leading ladies in one place!

For a kicker, it opens at a salon/spa and Rosalind Russell’s character hears some juicy news on her “friend” that she just has to tell her friend who thinks it’s awful – saying so with a wicked smile on her face. Some of the dialogue and acting was so natural that it was incredibly modern. I was just blown away by it! I don’t want to give too much off because it really needs to be seen. Oh, and while it’s in black and white, there is a color sequence of a fashion show with clothes by Adrian – a Hollywood fashion designer (he did the costume design for Wizard of Oz) from back in the day. He also designed the costumes for this movie so this segment seemed like a commercial. However, it was fun to see!

It is definitely a taste of a time gone by with rich women getting divorces in Reno – I had to look that one up – but some is timeless. Like going to the salon or exercising to stay in shape. And the hairstyles are just amazing – love Norma Shearer’s but how did they get her hair to do that?!

SO, there you have it a movie review but not quite a review. If you are looking for a good chick flick classic rent this one and crack out the Junior Mints – I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

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Friday Update

April 19, 2013

Yes I know I’ve been quiet for awhile – truth is, I feel I have nothing to say. Although I started writing in a journal a couple of months ago and that is really helping me figure some stuff out. So, I’ll keep that up. But that’s more personal so this morning I thought let’s just write a diary entry of sorts and see how that goes.

I did have an oh crap moment this week and it was totally avoidable. Yes, I made a major blunder that I won’t do again and my kids learned what not to do when you don’t have any dishwasher soap in the house. You do NOT put liquid dish soap in the dishwasher. Ever. For starters you will have a massive amount of bubbles that will take at least 3 or 4 cycles to get rid of. Second, it really doesn’t clean the dishes in the dishwasher. Third, the bubbles will ooze out of the dishwasher and onto the floor so that means extra laundry of soaked towels as well. And you know, I could have taken 20 minutes that day to go to the store and get the dishwasher packets we use (like I wound up doing anyway). Oh well – you live and learn right? The amazing thing was? I kept it together – I really did not have a meltdown over it and even laughed about it. Still – lesson learned!

I have been buying new school books and working on the new school curriculum plan for the fall as well. That is always fun! I’m reading lots of good homeschooling books and going through catalogs and websites and writing stuff down as I go. I call it teacher training and when you homeschool you really do need that. Whether you go to curriculum fairs to hear workshops or just read books as I do, you need some kind of support and ongoing training from those who are in the trenches with you (or finished) to help sort things out. So, this is how I do it and I’m realizing just how necessary it is. I’d love to go to the Catholic Homeschool Conference in MN some day but, can’t hold my breath on that one.

In bigger news I’m preparing for my oldest son Matt to make another exit – this time to California. This weekend he is coming here for a last visit with us and then it’s off to a new bright future and a completely fresh start. It all happened rather suddenly when he received an email from a company that he would love to work for. So, he emailed back. Then the phone interviews started and the coup – an in person interview in California. After the interview he called and told me he felt he had it – the interview was an incredible success. And he was right – he got the call a couple of days later that they wanted to hire him. Of course he said YES. So, he is currently packing his stuff getting ready to make a cross country trip to start his new job and new life. I am really proud of him for going after his dreams and not letting any fears get in his way.

So, today I am going to the store for food and other stuff because I want to spend the rest of the weekend with the family and not spending time grocery shopping. Tomorrow is also Joe’s 14th birthday (followed by Chris’ 22nd next week) so we’ll be celebrating that too. My mom and sister will come over as well to celebrate and to say their goodbye’s to Matt. The weather will be good so we will have a going away bbq on Sunday as well. Then the big kleenex truck will have to come back as we all say our goodbye’s for awhile – Matt won’t be visiting again until Christmas. Thank God for the technology we have that keeps us together!

And there you have it – a little update of sorts. Oh much more has been going on but I’ll leave it at that for now. So, Happy Friday everyone and I’ll be back again some day (you know like Frosty the Snowman). :-)

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I broke up with my bag of Easter candy

April 5, 2013

Yesterday my Richard Simmons H.O.P.E. program arrived – quit laughing – he has been a help to many, many overweight and obese people for decades. W hat endears him to everyone? He genuinely cares. He’s BTDT so he knows how hard all this is. He gets you to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself. BUT I’ll save that for my review of the program. So let me begin again..AHEM…

This morning I took out the nutritional booklet which has the set up, meal plans, and exercise calendar in it. I read through most of it and decided that I was going to begin the program. My first step? To throw out the bag of Easter candy I had sitting in my dresser drawer. And I did it – I really did! But before I parted with it, I talked to it. I broke up with candy and it went something like this:

“Hey candy, I’m throwing you out because I don’t need you. You make me feel bad physically and mentally. There are no nutritional qualities in you. I have God to rely on on my bad days and you don’t fit in that picture. So, I’m letting you go because I don’t want you anymore. You’re not good for me. I have found a better way.”

And I tossed that bag of candy in the trash can and walked away feeling pretty damn smug. A feeling of freedom came over me too. Then I made myself a fruit smoothie:

1/4 small banana

1/4 c. blueberries

1/4 c. milk

1/4 c. fat free plain yogurt

Is all this newness going to be difficult? Yes. Am *I* worth it – oh yes I am!!

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