Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Music Monday

December 4, 2017

I have been loving George Michael’s Symphonica since I’ve first heard (and saw) it last December just days after he’d died. A few months later, I found the cd at a discount store and I’ve been listening to it a lot since then; the songs just getting more deeply ingrained into my consciousness. Most of the songs on the cd are older ones of his, but rearranged for a symphony. One of these is “John And Elvis Are Dead” This song was written by George Michael and a childhood friend, David Austin, and most likely based on a real conversation these two had had. It’s a lament especially for those singers we loved and who are now gone which now unfortunately includes George Michael himself. It’s also a lament for ourselves, our own lives that are fading away as we get older. So, let’s get on to the words and I’m going to actually comment on this one because it is so full of meaning for me and maybe for some of you too. (Note: The song is freeform to some extent so my comments are too. Also, remember, these are my thoughts – your mileage may vary.)

Close friend of mine as a child fell into a slumber
No sign of life since ’75
Then one day he just, what do you know
I guess God just called his number

I think this happens to all of us – we fall asleep somewhere along the line during life and then BOOM we are hit with a revelation that stuns us. We long for so much more out of life and God calls our number too. Whoever God is to you – the universe, Buddah, whoever, but it is still the central Being we long to connect with. I think it also speaks of depression, you’re out of it for a long time and then one day you realize that you’ve been gone for awhile. Like when John Lennon was shot on December 8, 1980. It’s hard to believe that was almost 40 years ago.

He called me up and said
“I’ve been awake about a week
I’m thinking about asking the doctor
If he could put me back to sleep”
Then he laughed and said
“Hey all the girls they look the same”
Don’t they know just what their mothers
Paid in blood and tears to change

So, friend is awake and wanting to be out of it – asking for medicine so he doesn’t have to think or feel anymore because what’s going on in his world is too painful. I think the next three lines are referring to the fact of the women’s revolution – mothers who paid in blood and tears to change – but the newer generation of girls don’t get it. Actually, this is me. I had no understanding or knowledge of the women’s suffrage movement, or women’s rights, or what it all meant. Lately I am reading a lot about it though – I need to understand it. I also need to be thankful because maybe my generation and those after have just taken a lot for granted because they don’t know. I’ve awakened from my slumber.

But the words that made me cry
The thing he softly said
It stayed with me, it keeps messing with my head
He said, “If Jesus Christ is alive and well
Then how come John and Elvis are dead?”

And now the kicker – if Jesus is alive how come these singers, actors, etc. have died? Especially the ones who’ve been murdered or just died so young. Like when David Bowie died last year – DAVID BOWIE for cripe’s sake! But, they are human too and they do die as we know all to well of recent weeks. I remember my mother crying when Elvis died and I didn’t get it because 1) I didn’t like Elvis and 2) I was 14 and hadn’t woken up to the world yet. She cried then for the same reasons I’m crying now.

Youth, beautiful youth
We walked through the walls until we found the truth
And said “Change it – it’s ugly just change it”
Everyone we used to know
Must have given up, so long ago
You can see it, it’s written on their faces
And the inside of their clothes

I think this is talking about us getting older and some aren’t going down without a fight. For many, this means plastic surgery – even men. OMG – Barry Manilow comes to mind. UGH. And some gave up early on trying not to age, but “you can see it’s written on their faces” – you can always tell when people have had a lot of face work. “And the inside of their clothes” – back in the 80’s designer names were the big new thing to show off – like Calvin Klein or Chanel. Changing ourselves because we believe ourselves ugly and not worthy unless we’re young and beautiful is not right. I’m not young and I’ve never been beautiful, but lately I see that I’m not ugly at all. I look fine and I’m finally started to accept that. Finally.

But the words that made me cry
‘Cause I knew just what they meant
He turned to me and said
“Hey boy, if Jesus Christ is alive and well
Then how come John and Elvis are dead?”

“Tell me if Jesus Christ is alive and well
Then how come Marvin and Elvis are dead?”

I said “If Jesus Christ is going to save us from ourselves
How come peace, love and Elvis are dead?”

We try to understand life and we never will. The older we get, the harder it seems to try to figure it all out. And we keep crying when these stars die because they were part of our lives as we’ve lived them.

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A Friday Night Ritual

November 22, 2017

So, I think I’ve talked on here before about rituals – how I had them and how I’ve lost that over the years somehow. One of my best known was my Friday night What Not To Wear ritual complete with chocolate. So much fun. But, we moved, I fell into depression, we sacrificed TLC for a lower dish bill (not to mention no more WNTW!), and the ritual fell by the wayside. I’ve spent time trying to figure out a new one and then, I just fell into this one about a month ago without really realizing it. It hit me last Friday – this is my new ritual! Halleluja! So what is it? Let me tell you…

Every Friday I put on some good tunes – whatever suits my mood – while I get ready for bed. After that I get my Mama’s Little Helper Box down and pour me a little drinky. Sometimes I remember to use my martini glass and prepare my drink ahead of time. :-D Then, I gather all my skin care and makeup and switch out items for the next week. I also purge anything that isn’t working or toss out items that are used up. Everything is put back, lights out, and I settle in for some You Tube videos I’ve found featuring older ladies. I find a lot of inspiration and comradery through their chit chats and it makes me feel I’m part of something. I keep hoping to find some in real life friends like that.

All of this helps me to get my beauty sleep so that’s what I do. Okay, not a big ritual, but it takes at least an hour and it’s enough to wind down for the night and also know that I did something special just for me. And, really, that’s what a ritual like this should be.

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I Need A Reset

November 21, 2017

You know how it is right? School is in session and you’re running kids to and from and only have the time in between to take care of the house, meals, laundry, finances, and run errands because (guess what!) you’re out of milk…again! Then, throw a few birthdays and two holidays and – boom! – you are suddenly at the bottom of the to do list again. And your housework routine has fallen off too. That’s where I am at. And after all that running I am just so tired. Could be the caffeine I’m drinking to stay on top of it all, however, it seems to be a short term fix. Like sugar, I crash and I’m more tired than when I took that first sip. So, I need to hit the reset button and do it NOW, because if I’m crashing and burning with Thanksgiving, two birthdays, and Christmas coming up, no one is going to have a good time.

What is this reset going to entail? It’s this: get back into my daily and weekly housekeeping routines. In Sidetracked Home Executives they said that those are priority and should be done period. This ensures that if anything else comes up, at least your basic housekeeping, laundry, and meals are going to be/get done. The other priority is taking care of me. That means: Sleep, Nutrition, Exercise, and Water – just like the Mom Operating Manual tells you to do. (I think that book is for moms and not kids :-P) Those really are the cornerstones of self-care. I’m going to add Vitamins in because I need the extra boost, and also Quiet and take 15 minutes of doing nothing each day in a place that is quiet. It’s not a crime to do that people. We all need silence and we can listen to ourselves and God (as we understand Him) better that way.

Okay, so TODAY I begin my reset. With that said, I’m off to take a shower. I have a hair appointment and need to run to the store for milk this morning so I need to get going. Toodles!

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Shopping Your Makeup Stash

November 13, 2017

Otherwise known as – Using What You Have. I had no idea this was actually a thing with makeup, but apparently it is. I first heard of it somewhere online (of course) by women who have a lot of makeup and skincare (they buy too much) and then forget they have it so it doesn’t get used. However, I’ve heard of doing this in housekeeping for years with food – use what you have in your freezer and pantry before buying anything else so I understand the concept. I just didn’t know it applied to makeup now.

If you don’t know what this is, here’s what you do. You look in your stash and pick out what products you will wear/use in a week (or maybe even a month since it takes that long to see benefits from your skincare products). Then you stick with those products for that week/month and then rotate them out again if you wish. And what does this have to do with me? Well, since getting the monthly Sephora Play Box AND deciding to buy mostly sample size products to find some things that will actually work without investing a lot of money in full sized products, I find myself with a LOT of stuff!  It was time to do something about it.

Now, I don’t have a huge inventory like some of you out there, but it’s more than I can keep track of at the moment. I used to be a bona fide makeup junky before I had kids, but then I realized I had to pare down to just essentials. Which I did and it worked well for quite a while. Well, the kids grew up, my depression lifted, and I found myself gravitating to all those beauty and skin care items I used to love so much. However, now that I’ve officially walked through the Menopause gates, my skin is radically different. The old stuff doesn’t work anymore, and that’s why I went to buying small sizes to find stuff that works and then buy the big sizes and stick with those items. Well, that’s the plan. I’m still in the testing stage, but getting to a more permanent fix. I had my items stored in three makeup bags and I was bouncing around skin care items and my skin was not loving it.  So when I found out about shopping your makeup stash, I was all over it!

I started with these four products for a skin care routine: L’Oreal Cream Cleanser, Estee Lauder toner, and Revlon Eterna 27 Moisturizer, and L’oreal Eye Makeup Remover (my go to).  Well, I ended up chucking the cleanser and the moisturizer as they were irritating my skin, but kept the other two products. I can’t remember what I used the next week, but after that, I took down my Caudalie set (a 500 point bonus from Sephora!) and have been using it and I’m continuing with that for another week. I don’t love the cleanser, but will stick with it until the end of the week. The other three sample sized products will be used up by then and I can move on to something new next week.

Now, here’s what I did with my makeup: I started with L’Oreal Lumi Foundation, Make Up Forever HD Finishing Powder (sample), Urban Decay Anti Aging Eye Shadow Primer, Cover Girl mascara in brown/black, and Clinique Pop Lip Gloss in Wink. No blush because I have rosacea – I miss it, but I don’t really need it. I also put in this trial pack of Josie Maran Finishing Balm and we’ll see how that works. I ended up tossing the Lumi (I used it for two weeks) because my skin wasn’t loving it and it was almost gone anyway. I went to my sample of Make Up Forever HD Foundation (that I got in a Play box), kept the finishing powder, added my Milani natural eye shadow palette, kept the mascara, and tossed the gloss for a Milani lipstick in a pink nude color. This week it’s mostly the same except I added in a Becca primer (I still really don’t know how to use thees new fangled products), my Sephora lip gloss in Simply Nude (another Play box product), and my Bite Beauty Agave Lip in Smashing (for when I want more color). I’m loving my natural look! And it’s easy.

So,  that’s how it works! No daily wondering what to wear or use – I’ve got what I need for the week so there are no decisions except on Friday and that’s turning out to be a fun thing.

So, if you’re in a similar predicament, you might try this in an effort to use up your stash too. One thing though – if you have expired makeup or skin products just toss them. Only use the fresh products you have. Makeup does break down over time and skin care products lose their potency over time as well. They now put expiration dates on most products so check what you have. Wasteful? Maybe, but let’s use that lesson to be a little more careful of how much we buy and use what we buy. Now, I need to work on that book stash I have. :-O

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Quick Update

November 7, 2017

OMG – it’s been two months since I last posted?? For some reason I thought I’d written something in September. Oh yeah, I’ve actually been writing posts but not posting them. Big difference.

What I’m Doing (Dear Lord, yes, one of those memes): Trying not to cry because it’s cold and cloudy and has been for the last four days. This reminds me that I need to not only get vitamin D for the winter, but commit to some kind of exercise/walking/movement daily.

I’m also doing a little Christmas prep each day and holding on like hell to my routines. With school and holidays this is the time where I’m likely to fall off.

What I’m Reading: I gave up on “Read Your Way To Heaven” because the books were taxing my brain. Luckily, I found a book at the library that I’ve been wanting to read for awhile, “Resisting Happiness” by Matthew Kelly. It’s a small book and easy to read but with plenty to ponder.

What I’m Watching:  I didn’t exactly finish all four seasons of “thirtysomething” but I came close. That last season is a doozy. This week I’ve watched “Shopgirl” and tonight I’m going to watch “Home For the Holidays”. I look forward to watching that one every year and I never fail to pick up something that I’m missed before.

What I’m Eating and Drinking:  I’m going to go on a mini booze run tomorrow to refill my Momma’s Little Helper box. :-) Also the Peppermint Mochas are back at Starbucks and hopefully the Cranberry Bliss Bars will follow. Mmmm – a tall flat white and a cranberry bar – that’s one of my happy places.

Where I’m Shopping:  Our town finally is getting some new places to go and unfortunately two of them are proving to be addicting: Ulta (duh) and TJ Maxx. I didn’t think I’d love Maxx as much as I do…but I do. Lots of beauty products I love and use at really good prices. I also found a goody for my bedroom that I think I’m going to go ahead and get and call it a Xmas or birthday present. :-D

So, that’s a few points of interest in my glamorous life. Really, I’m just trying to keep going after so much stress this year. I know I can do it, I just have to get my tools in place and learn to slow down a little. Maybe I’ll add writing more to that list – it’s something I definitely love.

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Thankful Thursday

August 31, 2017

Yeah, yeah, I’m sure some other Mommy Blogger does this, but…what the hell, it’s good alliteration.

I was thinking this morning that I need to stem the tide of my anger and bitchiness that has really gotten out of proportion lately. Even I’m getting embarrassed by the crap spewing out of my mouth. So, I know that one way to stop all that is to be more grateful especially when things are difficult and that’s what I’m going to do here each Thursday – put a list of everything I’m grateful for in the last week. And crack out that Anger Workbook too. :-P

Things I’m thankful for August 24-August 31
- Cooler weather so it’s not as hot in the car (a/c is out)
- Severence pay – finally
- A birthday celebration that was a lot of fun (son #2 turned 29)
- Pepsi Cake
- A husband willing to go to the laundromat to dry laundry (dryer is broke too)
- Selling homeschool books for extra cash (St. Joseph help with that please!)
- My housework routines
- Being a frugal mom
- Meeting Son #3’s girlfriend
- Leslie Caron movies on TCM
- thirtysomething
- Sephora Play! boxes
- Vera Bradley 50%off sale
And yes, I’m thankful for the obvious things: oxygen, nature, life, kids – although maybe I should state the obvious more often. I have started praying the Serenity Prayer every morning, but I probably should end my days with an examination of conscience – get the gunk out.

Anyway, I’ll keep this up for a while because I need to change something. I wish I could feel less anxious about everything and more serene. St. Julian of Norwich said this about all that:

“All shall be well, all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

Dear Jesus, I hope so!

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Music Monday – California Edition

August 22, 2017

So, last month I went on vacation – finally! My oldest son gave me the gift of a trip to visit him in the Bay Area. I decided to go in July (because that’s the only month I had open), and we booked all the plane and bus (believe it or not) trips in March. It was amazing! I went on planes, trains, underground trains, ferries, and buses and had the time of my life! I even got to stand on the corner of Haight and Ashbury and that’s where this song comes in – the iconic “San Francisco (Wear Flowers In Your Hair” by Scott McKenzie.

It was actually written by John Phillips of the Mamas and the Papas, which I didn’t know, but Scott McKenzie sings it. Beautifully I might add. I’d always wanted to go back to California as I was born there, and this song just fueled those longings every time I heard it. I also felt like I might belong there more than I belonged in London or, especially, the midwest which is where I’ve been for the last 40 years. That’s another blog post in which I’d have to flog myself for my questionable choices. But THIS post is about THIS song so let’s continue.

This song began the Summer of Love in 1967 when thousands of young people descended on San Francisco and, most specifically, Haight and Ashbury. The song has been called the “unofficial anthem” of the hippie and countercultural movement of the 1960’s. I believe it. And here’s the kicker – this year is the 50th anniversary of the Summer of Love and this song. And I got to be there and yes, I wore a flower in my hair. :-)

So, let’s look at the lyrics and, as always, I encourage you to take a listen to it. Maybe we can reclaim some of that peace, love, and hope we so desperately need today.

San Francisco – Wear Flowers in Your Hair

If you’re going to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
If you’re going to San Francisco
You’re gonna meet some gentle people there

For those who come to San Francisco
Summertime will be a love-in there
In the streets of San Francisco
Gentle people with flowers in their hair

All across the nation
Such a strange vibration
People in motion
There’s a whole generation
With a new explanation
People in motion
People in motion

For those who come to San Francisco
Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair
If you come to San Francisco
Summertime will be a love-in there

If you come to San Francisco
Summertime will be a love-in there

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Wednesday Wisdom

June 28, 2017

Today’s wisdom came from a gal in a call center when I needed some help for a problem we had. I told her I was embarrassed about it. And here’s what this wise woman said:

There’s no shame in having this problem, but there is if you do nothing about it.

This bit of advice comes back to me often because, yeah, stuff happens around here often enough. I’m a procrastinator and tend to put stuff off that really should be attended to because I’m scared. Scared of what other people think, scared it’s going to be a massive problem that we can’t afford to fix, scared, scared, scared. The thing is, usually, it turns out to be a much smaller problem if I get to it right away. It’s when I put it off that it gets much larger and then it’s much harder to fix. And sometimes I put things off and it’s just a small issue to begin with that I didn’t have to worry about in the first place.

Take for example, I needed to make arrangements on 3 medical bills. Because of all the issues we had between 2009 and 2011 to pay off debt, I was terrified so I put it off. When I finally did get the guts to call, two of the calls took of all of 2 minutes. Uh, what? You mean, I worried myself for days just to have it worked out easily? Um, yeah, self, which means you didn’t have to worry about it at all – just should have gotten it done in the first place. Oh.

So, remember there’s no shame in having to make payment arrangements, call the plumber, call the bug guy, whatever it is. You know all of us have these problems at one time or another anyway. So deal with it, get it taken care of, and move on with your life in peace. And thank you call lady – you’ve helped me many times over since that day.

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Do One Thing

June 19, 2017

This is kind of in the same vein as yesterday’s post and I wanted to get the thought down while it was fresh.

Do one thing.

This came to me as I was looking at a Bible study. One with a pretty cover. One that sounds like something I need right now. But, I’m already reading through “Read Your Way To Heaven” which covers Bible, catechism, and spiritual reading all together. And I’m loving it and gaining so much from it. So why would I need to take something else on? As I was drooling over this other study, a thought came to me: “do one thing”. Now there’s a crazy idea!

My friends, I never do just one thing – I usually have many different irons in the fire and that’s how I get sidetracked. Skincare, books, routines, trying new ways of doing things. On a relentless merry-go-round of trying to find the “perfect” whatever (and what was I talking about yesterday?) I rarely give any of these things I choose time to show me if they’ll work before I’m off to “oh that looks good – maybe I should be doing/trying that!”. Next thing you know I’m up to my armpits in too many things and I don’t know what to do. Which brings me to the next point.

Choosing paralyzes me. I’m always second guessing my choices. UGH – also a never ending merry-go-round that leads to nowhere. So, I need to actually choose one thing and stick with it long enough to see if it’s going to be something I want to stick with, or if should I try something else.

So, I’m doing that spiritual reading book I mentioned above and that’s all I need to do right now for a Bible study. I love it, I’m learning a lot from it, and I’ll stick with just that. If I want to switch up for Advent or Lent then I can choose one of these other studies instead. Otherwise, “Read Your Way to Heaven” is what I’ll do. I’ve chosen and I’ll stick to that choice.

Now let’s look at some other areas I can apply this to:

1. Skincare – choose a one brand regimen, or pick and choose the basics from different brands, but stick with it at least one month or until it runs out. Barring any negative reactions of course. A sidenote here – it actually takes at least a month to see results from your products so you do need to stick with it.

2. Housekeeping – Should I do Flylady, Sidetracked Home Executive cards, or something else? I’ve got a billion and one books on housekeeping but I’m just paralyzed by trying to choose between them. In the meantime, the house suffers for lack of a plan. Ironic, no?

3. Housecleaning products. I had been using Mrs. Meyers very faithfully until I got sidetracked by a newer brand. It may be time to go back and just use that again instead of product bouncing. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it right?

4. Homeschooling curriculum – oh yeah, for book junkies like me it’s always tempting to buy something new even though what we have is clearly working. For the most part, I’m much better at this now.

5. Planners – Oh yeah – I have an addiction to these things. My very favorite was The Busy Body Book, but they aren’t in print anymore so I’m still trying to find one I really like. I like Erin Condren, but the cost is prohibitive so still searching. This is one of those things where I think a printable sample would be helpful otherwise you’re using a planner that doesn’t work for you for a year.

Okay, obviously, I have a problem so I need to get through to why I do what I do and then make some choices and stick to them. It will free up time, money, and brain space. I’ll keep you posted.

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Getting It Done

June 18, 2017

Perfection – the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects

Perfect – having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be

Perfect (as in tense) – done to completion

Those are the definitions I found for those words. Perfection and perfect as written above are not what I am now. Could I strive to be that? Sure. But what would the consequences be? I know there are people who want super clean homes. I don’t have one of those nor would I want one. You’d be worried all the time about stuff happening. And when you have children, stuff happens! Someone told me once that our parents didn’t buy anything new until after we left because they knew it would just get messed up again. Hehe – yeah.

Then again, perfect could be open to discussion as to our own versions of perfect. Flylady says, “Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family.” In other words, even if it’s not free of defect or flaws (perfect), it’s still acceptable. That helps because some of us have spent most of our lives trying to just keep up with keeping house. So, I keep this phrase in my head.

The other side to all this is simple – getting things done. Floor messy? Vacuum it. Dirty spot on the wall? Clean it. Dishes need to be washed? Load up the dishwasher. Don’t worry about everything being at the right time or right place to get something done. Just do it. Nike’s old catch phrase, but in the case of housework it’s the thing to remember. Because if you don’t do it well, it piles up.

Okay, procrastination – the act of delaying or postponing something. Usually because things aren’t perfect or the way we want them to be. I have to lose “x” amount of pounds to go on vacation. Well, I’m not going to be “x” amount of pounds lighter anytime soon, but I can still start now and maybe I’ll be a few pounds lighter. Am I not going to go on vacation because I don’t look like a magazine ad? Of course not! But if we change one habit (or start a new one) today, then over time, we’ll have made progress. Progress not perfection.

So, let’s make progress today instead of trying to be perfect. Make the bed, sweep the floor, drink the water. Do it today and every day thereafter and it will effect change.

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