Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Year’s End Thoughts

December 27, 2023

It’s Christmastime and the end of another year. I always feel reflective at this time of the year and I have tried to look ahead to the new year in the past, but in 2017 that really kind of stopped. On January 4 of 2017 I felt like things might actually get better and then, on that day, my husband had a bike accident and broke his collarbone. Then he lost his job of 36 years in August of that same year. And let’s not forget year after year of idiot house problems. And then a pandemic and worse. It’s getting harder to even want to make plans to do anything in the new year except survive. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way. However, we can’t sit still or “be idle with despair” as Jewel puts it in her beautiful song “Hands”. We still need to do our jobs, take care of our families, and take care of our communities. When you think about it those really are the basics aren’t they?

For me, negativity, frustration, and anger are at an all time high. Is it a product of the depression or just too many things on my plate? Or just year after year of crap piled up? I don’t know, but I do know it needs to change. I can’t keep that up because it’s bad for me mentally and physically. I could say “I’ll be more positive” but I don’t believe that’s really the answer. And it’s too vague. What I need to do is reframe my negative words and actions and just plain act better. Besides, I kind of believe that all of our negative words and actions are going out into the world/the universe and perhaps causing all the mayhem we see. It surely can’t be good. Maybe if even just a few of us try to stem that tide of ugliness we can make a difference in our corners of the world. Let someone go ahead of you in the grocery store if they only have 2 items and you have 20. Put your spare change in the Salvation Army kettle or round up your total for charity at the store. Instead of cursing those who cut you off while you are driving, say a prayer for them (and maybe one for yourself too). You get the idea. Little things really do mean a lot and often lead to bigger acts of kindness and charity.

So, as 2023 winds up, let’s at least try to look forward to 2024 and make plans to help rather than hinder, love rather than hate, try to understand rather than persecute those who are different from us. We are all human beings, we live on the same planet, and we must get along. Let’s begin in 2024 to change our bad habits and do good instead.

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Living Up to this Blog’s Name – Unperfect

December 22, 2023

Well and the Oh Crap part too because…

Oh Crap – It’s almost Christmas and I’ve been depressed for at least a month if not more.

Oh Crap – We’ve all been down with colds here for about 10 days so some stuff hasn’t gotten done which means that…

Oh Crap – …my west coast kids won’t get their gifts until after Christmas (le sigh)

Oh Crap – I forgot to add milk to my grocery pick up today which means going to another store right after the pick up.

On the other hand, all the other gifts are in and they just need wrapping. We have one more goodie to make and that’s getting done today by one of my elves (i.e. kids). We didn’t bake a lot but I do have plenty of bought to fill it all out with.

After today I shouldn’t need to set foot in any stores until after Christmas. All the food for our Christmas Eve and Day celebrations has been bought. Phew.

So it’s not all bad and I just need to slow down and breathe and get done what I can and say “Oh well” to what doesn’t because in the end it’s all going to shake out fine. Even in the years we barely had two nickels to rub together the kids were happy with whatever we had. And there were a couple of years that the older kids chipped in to make the season bright for their family.

So if you are the homemaker or the main person who does it all in your family don’t forget to take care of yourself because YOU are a part of the family you take care of. And it says in the Secret Mommy Handbook – you cannot get sick (I loved that commercial and laughed every damn time). And if you don’t take care of yourself you will get sick. Ask me how I know. :P

Okay, have to run, but seriously, take your time today, take time for you, and don’t get caught up in the hustle and bustle – know that whatever you have done will be fine and that the over marketing and mass consumerism are missing the whole point of this holiday. And offer up your frustrations for broken families who are having worse problems than not getting their gifts out on time – it’s not joy to the world for everyone.

Oh and welcome Winter Solstice as of yesterday. The only good thing about that is the days will be getting longer again. :D

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Depression…Again….Naturally :(

December 17, 2023

So, yeah, around Thanksgiving I realized that I was having a depression episode. How did I figure that out? Part of it was my last post about making small lists to get things done each day. The other part was having a breakdown the day before Thanksgiving and realizing that something was not right with me. After the whirlwind that is Thanksgiving and two birthdays, me and the couch decided to get really close. Too close. That’s when I knew it was worse than it’s been in awhile.

Then one day I was starting to get stuff done and I realized how much I’d let go because I’d been on the couch or in bed too much. And that’s when recovery began because I knew stuff had to get done and my depression would get worse if I wasn’t taking care of things. And i started to feel better.

And here it is the week before Christmas and I’m starting to slide again, but getting ready to do battle in the kitchen. Luckily dinner is a chop all the stuff and throw it in the oven for an hour or so. Tomorrow things will get busy again and I’m going to need to get all the help I can. My kids are good at that though and it will be okay.

The one thing I hate about depression is how it’s there but you don’t know it’s there until you figure it out (or maybe someone else points it out), Anxiety and worry are easier because something usually brings it on right away, but not depression. He’s a sneaky bastard. The sooner you can recognize his presence though, the sooner you can start back on the road to recovery. Am I doing all the things? No. Am I doing enough to keep things going? Yes. That’s all I need right now…today. Getting back to basics so I can live life.

Hope you are doing all right but if you aren’t, give yourself grace and take it slow and easy. There will be better days with more energy and less sadness. Peace be with you.

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A New Trick

November 24, 2023

In an effort to keep my housekeeping on track I started doing something new. As I’m winding up for the day and I know how much I have to do and it all just feels so overwhelming, I make a small list in my mind of three or four things to start with. Take this morning for example – the day after Thanksgiving clean up – I thought to myself, “Self, what do I need to do first?” I was already dressed and ready for the day so I just needed to know what to start with the housecleaning. Here’s the first list of the day:
1. Laundry – Kitchen towels
2. Unload and reload dishwasher
3. Wash just the cups and utensils to start,
And I got those things done so my next list looks like this:
1. Put towels in dryer (done)
2. Soak and wash pots and pans (this will take awhile as I do one at a time)
3. Wipe counters in kitchen (done)
4. Refill hand soap and dish liquid (done)
While all this stuff is going on I have 4 lists on paper started:
1. Take care of me
2. Housework
3. Other to-do’s
4. Shopping list
5. Target list (we don’t have one in town so I’m planning to go week after next
6. Menu Plan for the next week plus a main shopping list
So, the kitchen is reset – even took out garbage and swept the floor except for the pots and pans but I’m on that. Towels are in the dryer and I did the soap refills. As I notice things we need from the store I’m putting those on the written list and am crossing off the stuff I’m getting done on those lists,

If it sounds complicated, it’s not. Just think, what do I need to get done in the next 30 minutes or 1 hour or even just the next 10 minutes if that’s all you can manage at the moment. Depression is haunting me again so some days this week getting things done was a real bear. Today the house isn’t as crowded, I can think, and stuff is getting done. Each day is different but you find ways to cope. I’m slowly learning what works for me.

OK – gotta work on the dishes and also tidy the living room. WIll I crash and burn this afternoon? Probably, but I know I got a lot done this morning so I can relax and do something I enjoy. It’s a give and take and no one needs to be spending all flipping day cleaning – it’s just not workable and mentally it drains you.

So, enjoy the day and do what you can to reset your house or your self care. One thing is for sure – I’m staying out of the stores today! Online shopping it is. :D

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October 2023 in Review

November 8, 2023

Wow this year is just breezing by! It’s November already and that means the holiday race is on. For me it also means two birthdays – my twins will be 20 the weekend after Thanksgiving. Lucky for me I’m a paper person so that means lists – lots of lists. Today I’ll be copying off all the recipes I’ll be using for Thanksgiving and then make my shopping list from that. I already have about 1/2 the items, but need to finish getting everything by next week. I remember one Easter a few years ago when I had forgotten the crushed pineapple for Pink Stuff. I went to Walmart where a guy was in the canned fruit aisle staring into the abyss where the crushed pineapple had been. I joined him – my mouth falling to the ground in disbelief. So getting things ahead of time really does help, but even with all that stuff still fails. It’s life.

Beauty Update – I’ll start here because, actually, things are going quite well. Mostly I’m sticking with the same products that I had in September and all of that is working well. Some products are running out so I need to either pull from my stash or add to my stash which is now really low due to tossing out stuff that did not work for me. At least my skin is getting to a place more normal. I’ve figured out that it is skincare products that makes my rosacea flare so I know to back off of stuff when that happens. As far as makeup I need to find a new foundation so I need to get some samples and try to find something that works long term. Not a hardship at all. :D

Reading – Hoo boy is my TBR (To Be Read) pile getting large! On the other hand it’s all great stuff so will be getting to it all soon. Right now I’m reading Patrick Stewart’s memoir “Making It So” and it is fantastic! What a great life! While not all sunshine and rainbows he had a great attitude and good people come into his life to guide and it all worked out so well even when he couldn’t see it then as he does now. HIghly recommend either the book or the audio book because yeah, what a great voice. Also reading “Unf*ck Your Habitat” by Rachel Hoffman and it is also great – it’s cleaning and organizing help for EVERYONE – single, married, young, old, depressed, mobility issues – so it’s gentle and kind but very helpful. I also got her book “Cleaning Sucks” which distills UFYH into a journal of sorts with checklists. A few weeks ago my left foot went belly up and I remembered her main philosophy of doing 20 minutes of work followed by 10 minutes of rest. However, you can make those numbers whatever you need them to be and I did. It was a lot of 10 minutes of work followed by 20 minutes of putting my feet up. Thankfully my foot is better and stuff is getting done again but most importantly my mindset is better and you really need to get a grip on that because cleaning the house doesn’t end.

House – The usual merry go round of crap and people not following up to do the work. I need to outline what I need done NOW and start getting people lined up again. I did have to get a plumber out here and the kids that showed up were fantastic – my kitchen sink feels brand new. They were kind and caring to boot and that’s exactly what we all should be whether we serve or are served. Sometimes I really get down about everything that needs to be done, but then other days it’s like I know I’m not the only one even though some service people make you feel that way. It’s enough to help me carry on.

And that’s really about it for October. I had thought of a couple of things to add yesterday but that is gone now (thank you 60 year old brain) so I’ll end here. Sending love, prayers, and hope to you all. Lord make me an instrument of your peace (especially when I want to yell at other drivers).

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Testing 1-2-3

November 6, 2023

Okay bruh let’s see if this works

Yay

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Self Care Meets Planner

October 5, 2023

I’m needing an overhaul peeps – yes indeedy – but I knew that. Hell, we ALL know that. But what to do about it? Well, I finally got an idea – why not use my planner for tracking my self care/health basics! I have an Erin Condren Life Planner with a vertical set up and split up into three areas. So I put headers on each of the sections like so – Schedule, To Do, Self-Care, and Meal Plans at the bottom shaded area. Schedule is for appointments, grocery pick ups, kids activities, and even tv shows I want to see. To Do is for things I need to do – shopping, changing out my music, a prompt to keep up on routines, etc. Menu is for what we are eating for dinner each day. And here’s my list of things in my self-care section that I want to be doing each day:

Meds, Vitamin, Exercise (10 minutes at least), and Water

Okay, how do I set them up? I actually write down Meds, Vitamin, Exercise, Water in the self-care section and then add in squares after each of them as checkboxes. For meds I have two check boxes (one for each) and six check boxes after water to hit at least six cups. That’s it? That’s it – I do not need to use fancy stickers or anything else. I just write in what I want to do and then do it and check it off when it’s done. So far this has been working really well and even if some days are better than others, I can see where I’m at and what I still need to do.

The beauty of this is the simplicity of it – writing down on paper with a pen – and it’s right in my planner where I see it every single day. I tend to have too many different planny things, so I wanted to get as much down in my personal planner as possible to simplify.

So, that’s it – I finally have my planner set up for the way I function and reminders for me to do those things I need to do on the daily. I don’t need to write in my housekeeping stuff as I have a separate notebook for that. Again, keeping things simple and when this year comes to a close I may get really simple and chuck the fancy planner (and maybe my control journal) for a smaller notebook and a pen and keep track of everything that way in one place. We’ll see. I love planners but at the same time, I kind of don’t. And no, I will NOT be going digital. I think I already covered that in a previous post.

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Beauty Update Part 2 – Makeup

October 3, 2023

Now for the makeup I’m reaching for lately. As with the skincare – I’m keeping it simple. I do have a back stash of products but for now I’m sticking with these ones as they are easy to use and make me feel pretty damn good.

Foundation – I have 3 foundations that I’ve had on rotation awhile: 1) The Tarte Powder Foundation which is really good, but I need to try the lightest shade as I think it would be a better match. It can be slightly drying but overall it is really good. 2) IT CC Cream in Light Ivory – it’s okay but it is heavier so taking the lightest hand in applying is the key. Also the higher SPF is drying and difficult to remove. 3) Cover Girl Smoothers Aqua Smooth Foundation in Ivory is a new find. The color is a good match and it has SPF 15 in it so I like that too. I’m shuffling them around using them with or without sunscreen and trying to find a balance. Overall though, I’m looking for something new and that I can live with a while.

Blush – I had been alternating between Beautycounter’s Cheeky Clean Blush in Chai and Rose Inc’s Cream Blush in Heliotrope. Both are great colors, but the Chai blush seems dry while the Heliotrope is much creamier. Then I saw a Beautycounter holiday set at Ulta’s website and bought it. It is one from last year and has a lip gloss in Pomegranate and a cream blush in the color Nectar. The blush is much creamier than the Chai and is a sheer soft red/rose color. As long as I don’t overdo, it is very nice. All in all – these three should do me for awhile. Don’t remember the last time I owned three blushes. :P

Eyeshadow – Beautycounter also has a wonderful cream eyeshadow and I’m currently using the color Aura – a nice basic beige color just to even out the skin tone on my eyelids. I also have Twinkle but it’s a little glittery so it’s not for everyday wear. Update – I’ve used the Twinkle a few times now and it’s really not that bad. I also bought Luster (a light pink shade) and am thinking of adding Sepia as well. As with cream blushes, cream eyeshadows are quick and easy to apply – kind of like finger painting – and with aging skin a little more forgiving. I’ve used cream shadows since I was about 11 or 12 and have always preferred them to powder shadows.

Mascara – You guessed it – my tried and true Cover Girl Professional in Black/Brown. However, it is almost gone, so next in rotation is the Maybelline Total Temptation in Cocoa that I found over the summer at TJ Maxx. Unfortunately, I think it’s a discontinued product so will probably not replace it when it’s gone. Benefit makes a lash primer in a brown tint so I may look into that but it’s $28 and Cover Girl is $5 so we’ll see. Mascara is just one of those products I don’t splurge on.

Brows – I tried Beautycounter’s Brow Gel in Light but it was way too dark and they discontnued the clear one, so I went back to my Anastasia brow powder and Brow Freeze. Then I found Covergirl had a brow pencil in a light blonde shade (Covergirl Easy Breezy Brow Fill and Define Brow Pencil in Soft Blonde) and it’s the perfect match! They come in a two pack with a sharpener for well under $10 – can’t go wrong there. I also have Anastasia’s Brow Gel (the one in the tube) which is a brush on product and it’s okay, but I don’t like it as well as the Brow Freeze. Update – I decided to re-try the Beautycounter Brow Gel and wipe off the applicator like I do with my mascara and it applies much better and is easier to control how deep I want the color. Phew – saved that product!

Lips –
- Lipstick – I’m using Beautycounter Sheer Genius Lipstick in Terra and it’s pretty good. The color is a perfect neutral pink shade and can build from sheer to fuller coverage. I’d like to try a couple of the other colors as well down the line.
- Lip Balm – I’m currently using Beautycounter’s Lip Balm in Nada for under lipstick, but it can be dry and hard to apply when the product gets cold. Since it’s been warmer, application is easier, but I’m not sure I want my lip balm to be that fiddly. That said, this balm also comes in some pretty colors that I’d like to try. I also have Blistex Deep Hydration Lip Balm but I don’t really love it. I also am using Sun Bum Lip Cocobalm in Mint at night and while it’s a clean formula and moisturizing it’s got a gritty feel to it at first which isn’t great. Last but not least, I recently bought a set of pink lip balms from Fresh and I like those – nice sheer washes of color. So, while I’m still on the hunt for something as good as my Bite Beauty products, I’ll be okay with these.
And that’s what’s in my current makeup lineup. Some days it’s just foundation and lip balm, others a full face but whichever I choose I have products I really enjoy using so the decision is easy no matter what.

I want to add here that I do have a makeup setting spray and two primers that I’m going to play with l to see how they work. I’m really not much into those things, but want to see if they make a difference in makeup wear. I really want to try Beautycounter’s primer and it’s coming out in a mini in a holiday set – will probably be getting that. :D

All right, that’s how things stand as of today and I’m probably going to be sticking with these products for a while. I want to get everything down to basic products for skincare and makeup and just use those on an every day basis for the long haul. As much as I love makeup and skincare I really want to get it simplified and I seem to be moving in the right direction.

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Beauty Update Part 1 – Skincare

October 2, 2023

So, it was a summer of a lot of trial and error and tossing out of products that did not work for me. And I want to emphasize those words “for me” because, as with most beauty and skincare products, your mileage will vary. What works for one does not work for all. And I’m 60 years old and not 20 so let that inform what you read here. With those caveats in place, let’s roll!

Cleanser – I found two Milk Makeup Vegan Cleanser minis at my local TJ Maxx, snapped them up and have used them since late July early August. I’ve used this cleanser before and really liked it so I decided to revisit it. It’s gentle, rinses clean, and takes off a good amount of makeup. That said, I’ve also been using the Garnier Micellar Water (regular formula) for a first cleanse at night when I wear makeup. Edit – my Garnier got used up and so I bought the Bioderma Micellar Water with the pink cap. I actually like it better – rinses cleaner.

Toner – Still using the new Alcohol Free Neutrogena Toner that I picked up earlier this year. It’s basic – finishes cleansing and doesn’t leave my skin dry or stripped. No alcohol, no actives, and no fragrance. I also have a mini Laneige Cream Skin Toner that I’ll use when it gets colder. It is pretty moisturizing and you can use too much so it’s a little trial and error there but overall it works well.

Moisturizer – I finally used up my Drunk Elephant La La Retro Moisturizer last month and I’ve bounced around with a couple of sample items that didn’t work, so I decided to crack out the Farmacy Honey Halo moisturizing cream that a daughter in law gave me. I used it a little earlier this year and figured it was time to actually use it on the daily to see how it works. I wasn’t sure at first that it moisturized enough but after two weeks of using it morning and night it was working okay. So will be using this until it’s finished. Edit – the Farmacy is now gone and after bouncing around again, I’m trying the Aveeno Calm and Restore Oat Gel Moisturizer.

Exfoliation – I found Pixi’s Clarity Tonic To Go wipes at TJ Maxx on clearance a few months ago and picked them up to try them out. The formula wasn’t harsh and I think they worked ok. I used them twice a week but they did make my skin sensitive the day after using them even when using sunscreen so I dropped them. I’d been hearing a lot about Aveeno’s Calm and Restore Nourishing PHA Facial Exfoliator and decided to try it since it has received very high marks. And it is really good! It uses very gentle chemical exfoliation – what is called PHA – and it’s really subtle but it does work. My skin is smoother and there is no irritation from this at all. I use it 2 to 3 times a week and will probably continue using it since my skin is tolerating it very well. This step is one I really need as my skin gets drier and sloughs less on its own now.

Sunscreen – I had been using a sample of Dr. Dennis Gross All Physical Lightweight Wrinkle Defense Broad Spectrum Sunscreen and went ahead and ordered the full size because I love it so much. A few years ago Sephora had a different version of this in a sun safety kit and I liked that one too so decided to get it again. This one is lightweight and it smooths into the skin very well. It plays well with my moisturizer and makeup as well which is a bonus. I will say I only use a small amount to cover my face which works for me. I tried using the 2 or 3 finger method for SPF with another product and dried the crap out of my skin. So, I’m going back to using the smallest amount that works for me and I’m fine with that. Oh, and it is a zinc oxide product with an SPF of 30. I will say that the zinc oxide seems to be more drying than titanium dioxide so I think I might test that theory out.

And so that is it – yep, those are the only skincare products I am using right now. Keeping it very simple and my skin is doing well with it. I am playing around with dropping my sunscreen and using my makeup with sunscreen to see what the differences are. And, as stated above, may play with zinc oxide vs titanium dioxide sunscreens as well to see if one is more drying than the other. Tomorrow I’ll post about what makeup products I am using but, again, I’m keeping it simple. It just makes life easier and keeps decision fatigue at bay when you have favorites you love and a simple routine. I enjoy wearing makeup, but I just don’t need a lot or desire a lot anymore.

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Books Read Jan-Sept 2023

October 1, 2023

I don’t think I’ve mentioned anything I’ve read this year except for maybe two quick mentions so I thought I’d list what I’ve read so far. There won’t be any commentary because I just don’t have the energy for that today, but I wanted to see at a glance what I’ve read and how much I’ve been reading lately.

I have nothing recorded between October 2022 and February 2023 when I kinda woke up and realized I needed to have something to read. Probably because it was cold and gross and February. I’m trying not to let that happen as I’ve got a to be read list a mile long. Those books are books I’ve bought sitting on my shelf and I really need to read them. Okay, here’s the list.
1. Faithful by Alice Hoffman
2. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
3. The Sharper Your Knife the Less You Cry by Kathleen Flinn
4. Cash The Autobiography by Johnny Cash
5. Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
6. Art of Homemaking by Daryl V. Hoole
7. Joys of Homemaking by Daryl V. Hoole
8. The 40 Day Feast by Wendy Speake
9. Our Lady of Fatima by William Thomas Walsh
10. The Home Edit – Life by Clea Shearer and Joanna Teplin
11. The Home Edit by Clea Shearer and Joanna Teplin
12. The Good, The Bad, and the Barbie by Tanya Lee Stone
13. The Wilder Life by Wendy McClure
14. Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder
15. Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella
16. How To Be Fine by Jolenta Greenburg and Kristen Meinzer
17. The Obituary Writer by Ann Hood
18. The Little House Traveler by Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane (just started)
19. The 40 Day Social Media Fast by Wendy Speake (just started)
So just for easy math – almost 20 books in 40 weeks this year so a book every couple of weeks. Not too bad. As much as I love books I’m not a prolific reader apparently. I take a lot of books out of the library, scan through them when I get them home and then act as if I’ve read them I guess because I forget about them after that. I also start books and then decide I don’t really want to read them and read something else. Lately though I’ve decided to actually read the books I’ve bought over the last few months to jump start my reading again. And I’ve bought A LOT of books per usual – new and used – so it’s time to read them before they get shelved.

OK – that’s the reading update. Maybe this week I can get to the beauty update. Better late than never right? Happy October!

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