Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

thirtysomething Characters – Part 1

August 19, 2023

NOTE: There will be spoilers so if you ever thought you’d want to watch this show, you might not want to read this post. However if you are intrigued read on. AND if you are a die hard fan like me, you might enjoy this. Again – these are MY views – I’m sure you have your own. :D

Okay, so I’ve been thinking about doing this post for quite some time. Every time I get to Season 3 it’s like I just can’t hold back on my judgment of these people and yelling at the tv screen happens. So I think I’m going to finally spill my guts on what I think of the characters. And I almost hate calling them characters because it almost wasn’t acting as the situations are common to many of us. Season 4 is where things began to break down more because the show was nearing it’s completion and the actors were kind of done.

Backstory, I started watching “thirtysomething” when it began (1987) and I loved it. In fact, my husband and I watched it together every week and I remember how invested we were during the two-parter where Elliot and Michael get caught up in a possible takeover of DAA. When the show folded in 1991, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I missed the last episodes in Season 4 due to having baby #3 and I missed the show overall. Lucky for me Lifetime Network picked the show up and I was able to watch it daily. Then the death knell came when out of the blue Lifetime just dropped the show for no reason. I was crushed. I kept waiting and waiting for the show to come out on dvd and almost gave up hope until one day in Amazon there was chatter about the series being released. Finally, in 2009/2010 the big day arrived! I bought each set as they were released and I’ve watched all four seasons every year (or at least every other year) since. As I write, I’m currently half way through season 4 (ETA as of 8/5/2023 – I finished the series) and it’s time to give my take on the characters. It’s long overdue. So strap yourselves in kiddies, gonna be a bumpy ride. (ETA – I’m going to break these down into several posts because there are just so many people to rant…uh…talk about.)

Michael Steadman – I always thought Ken Olin was cute and I liked his character. But I never really noticed back in the day how dark he got just by working for Miles. Some people think he saw Miles as a father figure but I don’t think so. He wanted to be successful and better than Miles because his father’s business failed and then the Michael and Elliott Company did as well. Unfortunately running after this “success” wreaked havoc on his marriage and his life. Peter Montefiore, who worked at DAA, made a statement to Michael about how he couldn’t read him and that no one really knew what Michael’s motivations were. He kept a lot hidden even from Hope. Overall, he’s a fairly strong character but he was also young – only in his 30s – so he still had a lot to learn about life, marriage, business, and friendship. I think he was steered too much by Elliot and hadn’t really thought out what he wanted.

Hope Murdoch Steadman – I’ve known women like Hope and when I was a young mom I wanted to be (and even tried to be) like them. Hope thought everything had to be perfect and she had to be in control or she just didn’t measure up with other people or herself. (I thought if I wasn’t like that then somehow I was failing as a mom.) I think that’s really what it was all about for her – control over her life. And she choked when she realized she had no control – the episode “The Guilty Party” brings all of that to light. I think had the series continued she would have needed to ease up on herself and everyone else. But would she have? I don’t think she wanted to end her marriage with Michael, she just felt less than as a stay at home mother but didn’t know how to manage the desire for both a career and motherhood. She also knew that Michael was killing himself at DAA and it didn’t align with their original values. Overall though while I could relate to all the stuff on motherhood, other things like her need to have everything just so drove me nuts. I want to add that “The Guilty Party” is one of all time favorite episodes – so damn funny but also heartbreaking as well. The quote to Hope at the end sums up how Hope needed to see herself and her life – You can be right or you can be happy.

Elliot Weston – When I was younger I thought Elliot was funny and cute, but now that I’m much older I can see him for the chump he was. He did finally get better, but oh wow, he was so selfish and self centered in the beginning of the series. Like when he left Nancy and she turned around and got a divorce attorney and he was like, “wait, what?”. Like Nancy told him, “What did you think was going to happen”. He was like a little boy who needed to grow up and he kind of did but only after life got really real. Now I yell at the tv with my take and feel better now that I can see it. I think he was a good father and he became an even better one as time went on. He really enjoyed his kids. Overall I liked Elliot – he was funny and could be a great guy but he had tendencies toward the dark side which tended to unravel him at times. In the end, he still needed to grow up and I think he was in that process.

Nancy Krieger Weston – I identified strongly with Nancy way back in the day – she was a mom, I was a mom, her life was a shambles, and ditto for me. I still identify fairly strongly with Nancy even now that I’m 60 and I’m still waiting for my moment of transformation. Nancy grew into a fierce, strong woman who knew what she wanted and figured out how to get where she wanted to be. The divorce and the book were both pivotal turning points for her. But it took the rug being ripped out from under her to realize that she could be that woman. I wish I had been that strong when I needed to be but I’m slowly getting there. Also, how she related to Ethan after the separation and reconciliation was brilliant – it’s a great course in how we can take care of our kids but also take care of ourselves.

Gary Shepherd – OMG – so cute! I loved all the jokes about how Nordic Gary looked and Peter Horton is still easy on the eyes. :D On the other hand, Gary had tendencies to stagnate and not move forward. I don’t think he didn’t want to grow up, he just didn’t know how to navigate change and move on. I actually think Susannah gave him a more solid footing in the world. In my opinion, he was not in love with Melissa. And I think them being in the same circle just kept up feelings Melissa had for him that were never going to be realized. I wish Gary had stuck to teaching at the college despite not getting tenure. He loved it and it was a way he could make a difference in people’s lives which was his value system. I don’t know as if Gary really saw that though. And we won’t even go into how devastated I was (we all were) when Gary died – I’m pretty sure I cried a bit over that at the time (and still do). I loved his character then and I still love it today. There really are no complaints here.

Ellyn Warren – I could not identify with her back in the beginning – I was a mom and she was a career woman. Nothing wrong with that it’s just not where I was at in my life even though sometimes I thought it might have been. And I cry every time I watch the episode when she has her breakdown. I’ve battled a lot with depression and know that feeling all too well when you finally have to get help. Like Susannah she needed to tell people how she really felt and given herself grace to fail. I wish she had stayed with Steve Woodman, I think he would have been good for her but they just wanted different things out of life and she wasn’t ready to settle down and I think he kind of was. And that dumpster fire of a relationship with Jeffrey – UGH. She was chasing a fairy tale instead of really checking in with herself to see what she really wanted. And let’s not forget that as the series went on her appearance softened as well. Although I will say, that cute short haircut she had in the beginning? Love it!

Melissa Steadman – This is the one character that changed A LOT over the four seasons and was the truest to herself. Yet, when it came to Gary she could not let go for some reason. Had Gary lived she would have had to come to terms with his marriage and his fatherhood and moved on. Maybe going to LA and landing something out there would have freed her to become herself. But every time we get to the episodes in season 4 where she thinks Gary should be hanging with her instead of his wife and kid, well, she’s got issues. And that part when she dated Dr. Bob for what, a month and then she dropped him because he wasn’t going to change his mind about having kids. She needed to get herself in a better place before she even thought about having kids and not make it her overarching reason for being in a relationship. I never liked the way Melissa dressed, but she wore what she felt was right for her and she owned it. She just needed to get to that point in the rest of her life and she was getting there when the series ended. I can see her moving to LA or even moving to NY to be where she had more opportunities to grow as a photographer and as a person.

Okay, so those were the seven main characters – the circle of friends. Again, these are just my opinions and musings so take it for what it is. And it’s taken me a long time to refine this post and I could refine it ’till the end of time and it still wouldn’t be what I wanted it to be, unless I took one character at a time, but then it would be too long and….yeah, never get done. So, it is what it is. I’ll be back soon to take on other characters in the show – like boyfriends and girlfriends. Stay tuned!

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» thirtysomething Characters – Part 1 » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

thirtysomething Characters – Part 1

August 19, 2023

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