Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Ending Relationships – Starting Over

August 7, 2023

I mentioned in a previous post that I was ending my business relationship with my dentist of 10 years. I just don’t feel he has me and my family’s best interests at heart anymore and it’s more about money than it is about doing what is best for us. I’ve already seen a new dentist and I think he’ll work out great. Everyone in his office is nice and kind and takes the time to really listen and, most of all, not bulldoze you into treatments. You truly get to make your own decisions. Hopefully it will work out. Tooth issues aren’t my favorite and you really do have to find someone you are comfortable with, and who is caring and kind. For me I’ll add not super aggressive. And you have every right to take your business elsewhere if you aren’t getting what you feel is fair treatment or if the person doesn’t work out for you.

My regular physician up and left the group he was in in May. He didn’t actually say goodbye to his patients in a letter but the group sent the letter. It makes you wonder why he left. He was really nice and entertaining, but I felt he needed to do more. I wanted bloodwork done to check hormone levels and vitamin levels and he said my insurance wouldn’t cover it so we wouldn’t do that. Yet, I think it holds the key to some of my issues. That and 5 minute visits just don’t cut it for me. And trying to get a doctor appointment with someone good in this town? Next to impossible. I’m going to see a nurse practitioner at the end of the month to re-up my meds and to ask about this other stuff too. It used to be your doctor was a trusted friend back in the day and when you needed to get in for illness you could. Not anymore.

And I finally ended a relationship where the other party thought everything was peachy. It hadn’t been for a very long time for me and I wrote a letter at least 15 years ago that told this person so. She didn’t contact me for another 5 or 6 years so I figured it was all good. But then it was like they forgot about all that and tried to rekindle our friendship. Not answering anything didn’t work and somehow she thought we were still friends. She showed up 5 years ago and I should have had a private conversation with her then. I didn’t because she had brought her husband and started asking pointed questions in front of him and my husband and I didn’t feel up to answering them when it was a private matter. I really should have followed that visit up with a letter and ended it right there. So, here it is another 5 years later and no communication from me and she shows up after a text the previous day which I didn’t answer and I also blocked her on my phone. I opened the door said and we had to talk and I told her in less than a minute that I didn’t want to be her friend anymore, that I had moved on from the relationship many years ago, and I didn’t want to rekindle it and that’s why I never contacted her. Hopefully that will bring closure for her. It certainly does for me.

Sometimes you just have to move on when you know things aren’t working and sometimes when other people end relationships you just have to roll with the punches. I’ve never been very good at ending things, hanging on for far too long, but I’m getting better at it and these latest endings are giving me help in that department. Hopefully I can find closure and less stress now that these ties have been cut. Moving on.

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My Face Needs A Break

August 4, 2023

I was trying to use one brand starting at the end of April, but by the end of May it was obvious that some products were not working – mostly the skincare. So I dropped them. After another month and another talk with a consultant, another product was dropped. She also brought up the fact that I probably wasn’t getting all the tinted sunscreen off (mineral) and that there was residue left that was turning my skin dry – she was right. I also was probably using way too much of the products as well. So, I tried cleansing balms and double cleansing and while that worked better my skin wasn’t thrilled. And oils and balms just don’t feel great to me not to mention if I get them in my eyes :O. So, in a fit of “rage”, I dropped everything – only cleansing with water morning and night for two days – and my skin felt so much better. After that, I decided to add a very low key routine back in with a basic cleanser and moisturizer for very dry sensitive skin plus a water mist for a few days and, again, good results. Since then, I’ve been slowly adding in and taking out products as needed and making notes in my beauty notebook – a place to write what I’m using day and night from week to week and noting what does and doesn’t work and reasons why. The main thing is getting my skincare and makeup to play nice together and it takes a lot of detective work.

One of these days though I may just chuck EVERYTHING permanently and go naked…my face people! It’s a scary prospect because I have mild rosacea (unless I use a skincare product that’s too harsh and then it’s much worse), but I think over time I could do that. And I am more than sick of “anti-aging” everything. I just want a basic routine for clean healthy skin but at my age, OMG, you have to use products to make you look younger. BAH….I don’t want to look younger, I just want my skin to look and be healthy. I’d like to be able to just cleanse, tone, moisturize, and exfoliate like in the old days but it’s getting harder and harder to find what I need as the beauty industry keeps changing and my age group seems to be ignored. Another reason to chuck it all. :P

So, that’s my rant and I’ll be doing a breakdown of products I’m currently using soon. In the meantime, I’m kind of just playing around with products I know my skin likes and seeing what works and what doesn’t. Sometimes it’s what you need to do especially for those of us with sensitive skin. Not to mention it’s kind of fun too while still being mildly annoying. And I’m still trying to move toward a skincare product wardrobe where I can pick and choose products based on my skin needs. Like I already do with my makeup – some days it’s a full face and others much less.

Stay tuned as I will be posting more extensively on what I’m currently using and will stay with probably for this month. That’s another thing – too much switching around with products like I’ve been doing the last few months is a recipe for disaster. Well, you live and learn.

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Body Image

August 3, 2023

Because I’ve spent too much time over the years saying terrible things to myself about how I look, I’m suddenly finding myself doing things to stop that and it’s actually working. Because telling myself that “I’m fat, old, and ugly” isn’t doing me or anyone else a favor. Because sometimes I take that anger that I’ve turned inward and direct it outward to unsuspecting people when I’m having a bad day. Because sometimes it’s not about the fact that you forgot to do something, what it feels like is I’m just a fat, old, ugly, stupid woman. Yeah, not great.

So, one day as I was getting dressed I decided to lotion up after a shower and really look at myself in the mirror and while the side view wasn’t great, it wasn’t the worst either. I looked at myself – really looked at myself – and I could see the younger me I used to be but just packaged differently. The amazing thing is that I have hardly any visible stretch marks after having had 8 children and even my bloved OB/GYN back in the day commented on it. I think it was because I have used body lotion since I was about 20. Sure, I probably stopped using lotion daily here and there, but I really got back into it many years ago during a deep depression, making sure I stayed with it, because it is actually a self care thing. I read somewhere that using body lotion can help give you those good endorphins as if someone was giving you a hug. And that’s why I try to do that on the daily because it feels good, some body lotions are aromatherapy for me, and it just ups my body image too. Well, okay, and I have dry skin, but that’s actually secondary.

So I guess you can teach an older lady some new tricks and you can improve your self image by doing something as simple as taking the time for body lotion or perfume or hand cream or whatever it is that makes you feel like you again and see yourself in a positive light. Because you are truly worth the effort to take care of yourself. As Journey once said in a song, “be good to yourself when nobody else will”. You have to.

P.S. Okay, this is actually today’s post for the blog challenge – I am now caught up. :D

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My Life As A Granny Begins

Why yes I am choosing Gran or Granny as a grandma name – it was good enough for Queen Elizabeth II so it’s fine for me.

My first grandchild – a boy – was born in late June and he is now one month old. It was a bit of a rough start for my son and his wife and the baby, but all is well now and they are going to be in for a rough go if the videos of that active baby are telling the tale right. Yeah, I can laugh about it because I did all that 8 times – the last time with twins no less. Ah, but they are also in for some very, very sweet times. And let me tell you I really miss those early days. A baby snuggled up in your neck and smelling that sweet newborn smell. Oh, and let’s not forget the smell of the chrism they use to baptize babies – the house smelled like heaven for days after that. Baby toes, baby cheeks – just right for a smooch. And I finally found the words to express all that to someone the other day. My son had sent a picture of him and his boy in matching outfits – my heart plummeted about 20 stories and tears welled up in my eyes. Why? Because suddenly it was 37 years ago when he was born and it was me and my boy. And it occurred to me – I wish I could go back in time to hold each one of my children as a baby just one more time. And when I see those videos of my grandson, I am time travelling back to all my babies’ days and reliving what had been.

So, yeah, when you see us starry eyed older moms and grandmothers oohing and ahhing over your baby it’s because we are thinking about our own lives and wishing we could just go back to hold our babies just one more time. Pass the kleenex please.

P.S. This is yesterday’s post posted one day late because I went to bed early. It had been a day.

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Blog Challenge Day 1

August 1, 2023

So my oldest son and I have decided to do a blog challenge this month. He and his wife are new parents and so he’s got a little more time to dust his blog off as do I. Yes, we are both busy people, but we also love writing and love our blogs and aren’t ready to write them off yet (HA – see what I did there?). So, welcome to Day 1. Probably should give a small update since my last one was in May. Wait, what? MAY?! Geez.

I lost my primary care doctor in May and I guess I should have tried to get a replacement sooner because the good ones are booked solid for 3 months just to get in. Luckily for me, I got an appointment with a nurse practitioner to re-up my meds and then get an appointment going to see the actual doctor. Hopefully.

I’m changing dentists – I’ve not been happy with the one I have for some time and I don’t like getting farmed out for some things (like extractions) to another dental office and the last time I went there it was a not great experience. So, I’ve got an appointment with a new dentist next week and we’ll see how that goes. He’s supposed to be compassionate and gentle and those are two things my family really needs.

I ALMOST went in to a weight loss clinic to get some help, but I don’t think that’s the way I want to go. I want to learn how to eat properly, move more, and drop my bad habits. I just need support to do it and there’s no one around here that does just that. SO, I guess I’ll just do it on my own and maybe find an online community for the support part while I make life changes in the eating department. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it and have someone cheering me on in the process.

I almost went with a one beauty brand routine but that did not work out – the products just did not work well for me. The makeup is okay and I’ll keep using that for the rest of the year, but I’m back to square one on the skincare. Maybe I’ll just go back to what I was using a year ago and stay with that for awhile.

Another one of my kiddos is in the working world as of June and finding out all about the joys of being in retail. There aren’t any. And the last of my kids is desperately trying to get a job but to no avail. Most places never call back after you put in an application. It’s frustrating but I think she’ll get something eventually, and if worse comes to worse she can take some community college classes. At least it will give her something to do and move her in the right direction.

My oldest son and his wife had a beautiful baby boy in June making me a grandma for the first time! I am so thankful for technology that allows us to keep in touch and send pictures and videos on demand because they live 1500 miles away.

As far as books go, I have been reading a little more lately. I read “Crying in H Mart” by Michelle Zauner in June and it was really, really good. I’m also currently reading the two “Home Edit” books by Clea Shearer and Joanna Teplin. Even though most people don’t live like this or have huge houses, I like them because of the whole rainbow color aesthetic, but they also have some good basic information about decluttering and organizing your spaces. Another book I’m reading is “The Good, The Bad, and The Barbie” by Tanya Lee Stone because the Barbie movie is out and I wanted to read up before I saw the movie. Barbie is only slightly older than me and I loved playing with her and the clothes and Barbie spin offs (anyone remember the Dawn dolls?) so she’s been a big part of my life.

For spiritual reading I bought a New American Bible at a used book store and added in the Collegeville Bible Studies combined books (also bought used) for Bible study. I kind of gave up on the spiritual reading because between the Bible and commentary it is enough. That said, I do have books that I pick up in the afternoon or evening and that’s when I do any extra spiritual reading.

I finished all four seasons of “thirtysomething”…again! This time I didn’t skip any episodes like I did the last time so I truly watched them all. Ah, I just love this show and while some things are dated, a lot is not because it talks about the daily issues of real life like parenthood, job loss, friendship issues, etc. The only thing I think is so weird is how everyone kisses everyone hello and goodbye and not just the spouses. That’s not really real for a lot of people I think, but I dunno. Maybe in some tight knit circles of friends it is. Otherwise – a fantastic show.

Hoo boy – this post got long didn’t it? Sorry! But it is an update post and so I updated you on what’s going on in my life. SO, here’s to the August 2023 Blog Challenge and maybe it will kickstart my writing on a regular basis again.

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