Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

A Trip to the Past

August 21, 2023

Why yes, I do know my son has probably written more posts than I have which is weird because I have four young adults at home and he has one newborn baby. That said, I am busy taking care of the house, taking people to work, going to the store, putting gas in the car, and trying to find some time to take care of me too. And I think that’s why I’ve been feeling a strong pull to a past that is beyond mine – the past of my paternal grandmother who lived in a small town in Wisconsin.

The last two nights I’ve actually cooked dinner and not just tossed leftovers on or had the kids help make it. I usually start at 4:30pm (to keep myself on track) and the kitchen has been quiet lately – only my husband (usually sleeping in his recliner or watching a ballgame) and my youngest daughter who is still trying to find a job while her other siblings are out working. In that quiet I’ve fixed two meals on my own – one on Saturday and one on Sunday – and I’ve felt myself slipping to my grandmother’s house. I think part of it is because the weather is similar – hot and sunny – but the backyard kind of reminds me of her yard too. Our house has old fashioned curtains or shutters in all our rooms so it also has that old time feel (not to mention it was built in 1939). As I put my apron on and quietly cook dinner in my little kitchen, I feel her presence and it’s a comfort.

Her house was built by her husband and it was very sweet. Off the kitchen in the back was a little porch and I imagine she spent many days there looking out at the small creek running in the backyard, or at the church which was a one minute jaunt from her backyard and across the road. Imagine that – she could go to Mass every single day because it was so close. That had been a dream of mine years ago – to live within walking distance of church so I could get my day started on the right foot. In fact, she was the one who showed me how to recite the rosary and even took me to mass with her once on a Saturday night as well. I’ve blessed her many times for that. My grandmother had also been a schoolteacher and we found some really sweet things from those days when we were cleaning out my mother’s house after she died. It’s ironic because I homeschooled my kids for 25 years so the teaching thing seems to be in the genes.

When we’re eating dinner in our dining room, it feels like her dining room too. She put a meal on every night we were there visiting and it often included cake which for my brothers and me was heaven. I’m sure my grandma made it just for us and she was happy to have someone to bake for.

One time she came out to visit us in CA after my grandfather had died and she read to me in our rocking chair. Well, I’m sure I begged her to read to me and I can still remember being on her lap and her reading “The Teeny Tiny Woman” complete with sound effects. It’s a magical memory and my love of reading and books was born right there I’m sure.

She died around this time in 1980 and it was a hot summer that year too, so maybe she is visiting me. Whatever it is – feelings for the comfort of a home far away, or her watching over me when I need it – I’m grateful for it. It has brought me some peace.

Thank you Grandma for all your love and service to our family over the years. I wish I had asked you more about your life and cooking and housekeeping and being a mother. Teenagers never think of these things though, we only remember when we get to old age and then our elders are gone and we can’t ask anymore.

Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her. May her soul rest in peace. Amen.

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» A Trip to the Past » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

A Trip to the Past

August 21, 2023

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