Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Making Progress

September 23, 2022

It would appear I’m making some progress and I’ve had a couple epiphanies as well.

As far as housework goes, I’m making sure routines get done but I’m also doing this at the beginning of each day – making a list of what needs to get done. Sure I’ve got my routines written down and I usually follow those. But when things get a little backlogged then it’s more like, what absolutely has to get done and what can wait. Sitting down and making a list can help with that. And I think housework is like that – somedays there’s not a lot of outside stuff going on and you can get more done in house. Other days it’s like – hoo boy – need to catch up again because life has been busy. Guess what? Both are valid! I decided I’m NOT going to spend all day cleaning – I’m going to keep things balanced with doing what needs to get done and the rest of the day is for other pursuits. Oh yes – I am feeling better because of it.

As far as keeping quiet – HA – as if! However, since Queen Elizabeth’s funeral this week, I’ve pretty much kept the tv off most days. Also – reading a little more and only reading online what is helpful. I’m still probably too chatty but I’m also listening more and engaging more with the fam. That’s a good thing. The tv chatter is just too much noise and the quiet in the house helps keep a quiet mind too.

I’m not sure what to do with skincare. I traded my Youth to the People set out and now I’m back with it. I think the other products were too emollient or something because I started breaking out. So starting today we’ll attempt YTTP again. I also went back to the Cover Girl Smoothers Foundation. Only $5.50 and it’s a great basic base. So we’ll see. Still ready to toss everything and start with something entirely different.

I’m still off the coffee and while I really miss it, I’m surviving. Still doing the orange, banana, and applesauce thing and I think it’s helping – I don’t seem to be craving sugary or carby things as much. And staying on top of drinking water – a cup every hour on the hour. It’s an easy way to remember to drink it. I’m beginning to have a little more energy and a lot of the brain fog has cleared out. Starting to wonder how much of my depression has been fueled by shitty eating habits. :(

Yesterday we had a cool rainy morning so my youngest daughters and I went on a walk at the duck pond. Have to say that was nice! I’d like to do that every morning after taking my oldest daughter to work and work up to a second time in the afternoon after taking my son to work. I think it’s called “habit stacking” or something – one thing leads to another and is easy to remember. Also – getting out in nature is healing.

Oh and I finished “The Secret Garden” – such a great book for both children and adults. I got a lot out of it on how to live a more positive and healthy life. Underlined many things to think about. It goes well with The Jane Austen Diet too – all the simple things we know we should be doing but don’t. So, this will help too. And like I said above – getting out in nature is healing.

So, that’s how it’s going. Making progress and feeling better. While the big messes haven’t changed, at least I can take care of myself and that may help me to make the decisions I need to make. Right now it’s just about taking care of me, myself, and my family as best I can. I think it’s all any of us can reasonably do every day.

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Back to Basics Check In

September 18, 2022

Well, if you read my last post you know I’ve been having a rough time. I think last week was the culmination of a lot of crap mentally and physically over the summer – if not longer. That said, since I went on my Back to Basics month I’ve actually been getting some things done. The one big thing is I’m spending more time with my kids and talking with them more. I didn’t think I’d not been doing that but apparently I have.

Another thing is I’m finding that I’m getting into my daily routines a little better. On Thursday I decided to play catch up on the housework and got quite a bit done in the morning. That was another reason to take the rest of the day off – you don’t need to spend all day cleaning. Life is meant to be lived not to be spent cleaning your house into something resembling a museum. Or other people’s houses – on Instagram or real life. If your house is relatively clean and tidy you’re good. If it’s messier and interfering with living then you need a different approach but it still isn’t cleaning all day either.

I decided to cut out caffeine and cut way back on sugar as well since last week’s health scare. I started drinking a lot more water and am feeling much better. So, obviously, I’m keeping that up. I’m also getting more fruit in – orange juice, a banana, and one of those applesauce cups. One of those at each meal or as a snack. I decided it would be an easy way to get three servings of fruit in and it’s working. Baby stepping my way back to better.

I do need to make an appointment with my doctor though because my blood pressure was somewhat elevated, but it may have just been the stress. In any case a visit is warranted.

I axed out a lot of the people I followed on Instagram (except family) and am not spending nearly as much time online (except for things to do with Queen Elizabeth’s funeral) and that’s a plus. Like I said in my original back to basics post, I need to listen to God and me. Everything else is just chatter. I’m even limiting the amount of self help books I’m reading as well to quiet down. However, I did pick up “The Secret Garden” by Frances Hodgson Burnett and started reading that. Somehow my two youngest kids and I got in a conversation about it and I figured it was time to read it – all the way through this time.

My skincare routine is not where I’d like it to be. I digressed with a kit from Youth to the People but it wasn’t working (drying) so I’m using Clinique’s Rinse Off Foaming Cleanser, Laneige Cream Skin Toner, Sephora’s Probiotic Moisturizer, and my Banana Boat Mineral Face Sunscreen. All from my stash.

So that’s how it’s going. While I’m weighing in once a week I’m not seeing much change yet – my body is probably trying to reset now that I’m getting more water and fruit in. And, really, getting healthy physically and mentally are paramount right now.

One thing I did think of – most of my summers starting with right after high school until the year I got married were crazy. A lot of not great things happened and I wonder sometimes if my mind/body just go on a PTSD rampage some summers remembering all that. Even from 2010 to about 2016 I had no summers due to other ongoing crises. Which may mean each summer my mind gears up for another crappy summer and that’s why the anxiety goes wonky. Something for me to think about and work on.

Here’s to another week – hot week – but a new week none the less. Cheers.

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Do What I Damn Well Please

September 16, 2022

I came to this thought today when I was messing around on the internet. I think maybe I was chiding myself for doing “nothing” when I should be doing “something” and ya know what? I said to myself, “Self – do what you damn well please today. It’s been a rough week and you deserve to do what you want to.” And so I did. Actually that thought came half way through my do nothing afternoon, but who cares.

After I dropped my son off to work this afternoon, I miraculously got into the Starbucks drive through – ALONE! My phone died on me right as I needed to pay so I cracked out my Starbucks gold card – still works! And I got my free Venti Pink Drink. That started the happy off.

After I got home I decided to trim and paint my nails. Well that was fun. So, I looked at my bookshelf to see if I had a certain book (I didn’t) which led me to find one on finances for women which I really need to read so I put that in my book basket. Yes, I really do have a basket for the books I’m reading. Which led me to…

My Bibliotherapy book and I read the first chapter – about bad girls in books. That led me to look up those books to see if any were at my library (most aren’t), then to Amazon, then to Thriftbooks. I’m going to buy one of them for sure. Reading that chapter made me laugh and I really haven’t done much of that in months.

This week has been rough – the Queen died last week and that kicktarted a crying jag that led to a dehydrated anxiety attack thing which led me to an ER visit and an arm that looked like I’m a drug addict because they couldn’t get a good vein to put an IV in for fluids and bloodwork. And that’s why I decided that this afternoon I’d do whatever the hell I wanted to…because I needed to.

And now, I’m off to make french toast and sausage with one of my daughters and enjoy my evening. I’ll be watching thirtysomething later (I’m already in Season 3) and then go to bed feeling pretty damn good for once.

So yeah, there are days when you do have to just put it all aside and take time to do what you want. If you don’t you’re not going to be happy with yourself or anyone else. Everyone needs a break.

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Back to Basics

September 7, 2022

After an extremely tear filled day Monday, I had a small epiphany yesterday – it’s time to get back to basics. That means these are the three things I’m making priorities:
1. Taking care of ME
2. Taking care of MY FAMILY
3. Taking care of MY HOME
Yeah – that’s all I need to keep my mind on right now. I might even add in praying for me, my family, and our needs. I’m probably the only person in my family praying for us so I need to do that. In the movie “The Prize Winner of Defiance Ohio”, Evelyn Ryan said that her children were who she prayed for – “That’s where all my prayers went”. I need to do the same.

What I’m getting rid of is following some people (outside of family) on social media – I’m listening to too many outside voices. The only voices I need to be listening to are God’s voice and my own. We are the only two people I need to be following.

So, I came up with my back to basics lists and I’m putting them into practice as of yesterday. It felt so good to just do the housework, run errands, and have a Starbucks with two of my kids. My kids and I also made a fantastic taco dinner complete with brownies and the conversation was delightful. At the end of the day I was tired but satisfied. I slept like a log too.

Today I’m a little off, but I can jump back in to my routines with ease. No housework is seriously backed up and I only have two errands to do that I can piggyback when I’m out taking kids to work. When the weather is cooler I’m going to piggyback a park walk with that as well. I’ve got to get outside for mental as well as physical health.

I had a back to basics page that I wrote up years ago when I was roughly in the same spot as I am now, but I deleted it because I got my ducks in a row and was managing. So, now, it’s an updated list and it’s time to get back to basics again. I feel better already.

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The Summer of 2022

September 1, 2022

So, how was it this year? Not great. But it wasn’t all bad either. Here’s the breakdown.

June – My depression came back. I was crying all the time. And about two weeks into that, I realized what was going on. I’d like to say the crying has stopped, it hasn’t, but it’s less than it was. And because I recognized the depression, I’ve been able to take steps to take care of myself in this season. Mostly giving myself grace to get through the days while still getting what I need to get done done. I’ve mentioned this book and I’m re-reading it as it is so helpful to keep housework in perspective. I still do the Flylady system because those routines have been fixed for about 20 years now, but KC Davis has given me a new way to look at how to keep home and not shame myself for letting it get bad or thinking there’s only one right way to do something.

Also in June, our ac clunked out after barely a year of use. Luckily it was diagnosed as a bad coil and was fixed promptly which was good considering the heat that we had coming.

July was hot – most days were close to or well over 100 and no rain. For the two weeks of the worst heat, it was like a cave in here. I kept shades and curtains drawn and blocked out every window that let in a lot of sunlight and heat. Kept all unnecessary lights off all day and as long as possible. While I think the darkness contributed to my sadness, our energy efficiency was through the roof even if the ac ran all day. I also finished my dental work and was able to move on to the next phase of getting a partial denture.

August – There were a ton of appointments this month. For the last almost 10 days I’ve been running every day and I’m wiped out. Yesterday I took a slow day – taking care of the house and taking care of me – which I really needed. All that work has paid off though and some important things have got done. Like my youngest daughter getting her braces off – much rejoicing there.

As far as the weather goes, we actually had several days of almost fall like weather including some good rain which made our yards bounce back from yellow to green again. I was really worried that the heat coupled with the new lawn treatments had killed it, but it’s looking fine.

And that’s the summer of 2022. I wish I could say a little road trip was on the horizon but it may be a couple weeks before that happens. We’ll see. It would be so nice to live somewhere with all my favorite stores at my disposal all the time and these little road trips wouldn’t have to happen. I could just run to Target when I wanted. Which could be trouble. :D

So, what’s on tap for September? Here’s the list:
1. Less actual talking from me – much less
2. An update here on what I’m reading and have read
3. New skincare and makeup routine
4. Breaking bad eating habits one at a time
5. More mental health actions
6. Vlogging – oh yes – that’s coming finally! (Another bucket list item)
So as we wind down one season and welcome another, I want to say thank you to my readers and that I hope you enjoy what I write. I hope it’s helpful and thoughtful for you too. Comment if you want or stay in the shadows like I often do on social media. It’s all good. Blessings to all!

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