Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Complainingville

August 30, 2022

Yeah – I’m in that mode again. It’s been a stressful year and it’s not letting up any time soon. Over the next two weeks I have a wedding 1500 miles away (oldest son), Thanksgiving, and my twin daughters’ birthdays (which lands ON Thanksgiving Day). Today I was grumping to an associate in a store and right after I got done I regretted it. I don’t want people to think that’s all I do but on the other hand I don’t want people to think I’m happy 24/7 either because I’m not. I actually had a “friend” tell me once that they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy all the time anymore. This was when I was going through a very serious depression and she thought that I should just pull up my bootstraps or something. We all know that’s NOT how it (depression) works.

I am reading my book “Language of Letting Go” by Melody Beattie to get some help for my co-dependency issues (which still haunt me from time to time) and just to get validation. It helps. What I really need though is a really, really good friend. I’ve lived in this town 44 years and have never had one. Most of the last two decades I’ve been alone. I let two toxic “friends” go and decided to go it alone after that. It’s not ideal. How I deal with the loneliness is by talking with people at stores and that helps a little, but it doesn’t take care of the days I need to just let it all out. Like today. There’s no one to turn to on those days.

So, I guess I need to start reeling it in again when I’m talking with people I don’t know and save the complaining for my prayer time or journal or something. At least I won’t be embarrassed next time I see those people I complained to.

ETA – I wrote this in November of last year, and while things didn’t turn out great (like the road trip that turned into the trip to hell and back for one), I’m still not in a wonderful place. My “marriage” has a lot to do with that – the anger and bitterness rages on. I keep having this “idea” of going silent for a month and next month, September, may be the time to do it. Part of it is my idea but I think the other part is God’s. The yuck I’m spewing is just not helping. Not me, not my kids, and not the man I’m married to. Until things change, I’ve got to find a way to deal with this. Not one of the therapists I went to wanted to help me find a way to cope either. And not a one wanted to talk with my husband either. So I’ve felt screwed all the way over for quite a while. Anywho – time to leave Complainingville and find a quieter place to be. Maybe in the silence I’ll find some answers.

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» Complainingville » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Complainingville

August 30, 2022

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