Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Loving Myself

March 8, 2021

Well, I had my second counseling appointment and she asked me if I loved myself. I just stared at her. I don’t even know what that looks like (somehow I think I’ve written this here before). So, let’s see if we can figure out what that might look like.

On the way home I thought about what it’s not. Like getting a big coffee drink at Starbucks to make a bad day better. That’s not really loving you or your body. It’s a quick fix to make you feel better momentarily. And while it’s not bad per se, it really isn’t self love. And certainly not long term (trust me – I know). Loving yourself goes so much deeper.

I think it starts with accepting who you are and being happy with yourself as you are. I have never felt that way. Ever. I tried to make myself over into other people or to be like them, (I’ve also had people try to make me over into little thems) but never accepted who I am because I always felt off – not comfortable in my own skin.

Now I’m pretty sure God doesn’t want me to feel this way either which I hadn’t thought about before until re-reading “Eat, Pray, Love”. I am in the image of my family line, but I’m also made in God’s image too. There is a Hindu mantra that goes like this:

I honor the Divinity that resides within me.

And it has to do with their god Shiva. However, in the Catholic tradition we hold that God comes to dwell in us at baptism. That Christ comes to us in the Eucharist and lives within us. The Holy Spirit comes to us in confirmation. So it’s not a stretch to say this mantra in honor of the Blessed Trinity living in our souls.

So, what am I going to do to start loving myself? I think the first thing in order is to take care of my body. God gave it to me and I’ve only got the one and I’ve been treating it as a garbage dump for a long time. And isn’t that a slap in God’s face really? Our bodies are incredible things and He put good food and water on this earth to sustain them for daily living. First things first.

Another thing my counselor mentioned is to stop waiting for a right moment to do something I want to do and just do it. That’s easier said than done when you have kids and a husband, but if I don’t make the time now it will all have passed me by. Other women have done things like go back to college when the kids were older so why can’t I do that too? It’s never not been open to me, I just never found a way to do it. So it’s time to dust off those dreams I had/have and try to make at least some of them a reality. Things like cooking out of Nigella Lawson cookbooks for the year. My counselor thought that was a cool idea and I should do it and not worry about what the other people in the house think. I’ve had that dream for many years – time to make it a reality.

So I think this is a good place to start. Start with the body and move to the mind/emotions, and then the soul. Most likely I’ll find a domino effect – when the body feels better then other parts of me will too.

Happy Monday!

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» Loving Myself » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Loving Myself

March 8, 2021

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