Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

What’s My Style

January 27, 2021

It was another Stitch Fix with all 5 pieces being sent back. It wasn’t the worst Fix I’ve had, but none of the pieces were just right. Too small, too loose, stripes across the belly (yeah – a real no-no for a plus size woman). I need clothes, but right now it’s just not possible to spend a weekend shopping. And online shopping is a crapshoot – you’re lucky if you find what you want in your size after combing through a slow website. So – what to do?

After two years of Stitch Fix I think it’s time to do something different. I’ve not really had any of my stylists get me – if I even get one to hang around long enough to actually get me. The longest I’ve had the same stylist? Three fixes. Then he left. Le sigh. Don’t get me wrong – it’s a great service but I really believe there’s a very specific type of woman it’s for and I’m not it.

An option I’ve been thinking about is finding an actual person to help with building a real workable wardrobe. I do have someone in mind and I think I may write to her to see if she can give me a shove in the right direction. (Granted, I really think my entire life just needs to change but that’s a post for another day.) I think I’d rather spend the same amount of money I spend at SF on real interaction instead of AI interaction.

Next, t’s time to find my style – what clothes will naturally make me look like me. How I feel inside. I spent a lot of my youth trying to be like other people, but never really finding out who I was or what I wanted. I am by nature eclectic – a little of this and a little of that – not really putting all my eggs in one basket. That said, I want to look feminine without being frilly. I also tend toward more sophisticated pieces, but at my height and weight those items are harder to find and don’t always translate well on my body. As I lose weight I know I’ll be able to get into the style I want but what about now? What do I wear now? If I didn’t have any kids at home it would be different, but that’s another piece of the challenge. An almost 60 year old woman but not an empty nester or retiree yet. One day I saw a woman my age (if not older) going into a local church. She had skinny black pants, a sweater, a scarf, boots, and was sporting an edgy hairdo for her white hair. THAT is kind of the direction I want to head in. Not saying that’s my style but holy crap I want to rock it like she is!

And after all that it will be time to actually purchase some things. And, let’s face it, clothing isn’t made like it used to be. Fast fashion has made all fashion dumpier. Yes, you can find the better quality items, but many of those are out of the price range of most of us. It used to be the norm and more affordable, but not so much now. Quality and the proper fit is really what you want though. Those pieces will last far longer and be in season always. So, it’s something I probably need to budget for in the long run.

All right, I’m not going to say “that’s the plan” because we know how well I do with that (great on planning – sucky on execution). Let’s say it’s a work in progress. Which it really is. At least I’ve figured some things out and just need to put in the rest of those style puzzle pieces. It’s part of my journey back to me.

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Music Monday – Shower The People

January 18, 2021

It has been a rough month. My mother became ill and died two weeks ago. We also had two major house repairs – one right before and one right after Christmas. I’ve been spending a lot of time with a lot of people and yesterday everything just came to a head and I just lost sense of everything. I treated people I care about badly which means apologies are in order.

Tonight I was thinking about everything and trying to make sense of what I know, what I don’t know, and how I feel about it all. That’s when this song came to mind – Shower The People by James Taylor. It’s a song from 1976 which was when I was living in London and I’d like to say I heard it there first but it may not have been until the summer of 1977 when we came back to the States. This one definitely makes me cry every time I hear it.

It’s a simple song really – instead of bleeding out so to speak when your heart has been broken, lashing out when angry and not making up just shower the people you love with love. This means apologizing when wrong and not taking things personally forever when you’ve been made a fool of or had your heart broken.

This resonates with me right now because I guess I just couldn’t take anymore yesterday. On top of that I assumed some things that weren’t entirely true and threw a bunch of people under the bus to other people. This is going to require some major apology and patch up. Whether or not I totally trust certain people in my life, I still have an obligation right now to get along with them so some things can get done.

So, feeling like a true fool, I offer you this song. Heed it’s message people because life truly is short. My mother was 85 when she passed away which is a good long life. Unfortunately, I let too many things stand in the way of our relationship and now it’s too late. So – make up with the people you can, tell your children or parents you love them, put your pride aside and just do it before the opportunities slip by.

You can play the game
And you can act out the part
Though you know
It wasn’t written for you
Tell me how can you stand there
With your broken heart
Ashamed of playin’ the fool?

One thing can lead to another
It doesn’t take any sacrifice
Oh, father and mother
Sister and brother
If it feels nice
Don’t think twice

Just shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna work out fine if you only will do as I say

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be much better
If you only will

You can run but you cannot hide
This is widely known
Now what you plan to do with your foolish pride
When you’re all by yourself alone

Once you tell somebody
The way that you feel
You can feel it beginning to ease
I think it’s true what they say
About the squeaky wheel
Always getting the grease

Better to
Shower the people you love with love
Yes and show them the way that you feel
I know things are gonna be just fine
If you only will, what I like to do to you

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel
Things are gonna be much better, if you only wil

Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way you feel
Shower the people you love with love
Show them the way that you feel

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Time For A Change

January 15, 2021

If you’ve followed me here awhile or seen any of my housekeeping posts you know that I’ve had a love/hate relationship with Flylady. Not the person – just the method. It worked great in the very beginning when I started getting the house we had then in shape, but that was at least 20 years ago and I believe it’s time for a change. Don’t get me wrong, Flylady is good and can work well, but when it’s 20 years later and you’re still struggling with certain issues in your home it’s time to do something different. You know the old line about insanity right?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different results.

So, here’s the new plan: Konmari. Yeah, I know, the new child on the decluttering/get your house in order block. But you know, there is a lot of truth in why she does what she does. Let’s look at some problems I’ve had with Flylady and why Konmari might work better for me.

Flylady is a very slow process to get your house in order by getting routines in place and decluttering a little at a time. Konmari tackles everything at once in an intense decluttering process so that everything is done in a much shorter period of time giving you a cleaner house in a shorter time.

Flylady is about cleaning as well as decluttering. You learn routines to clean your house on a regular basis so that it stays that way. Let’s be clear – housekeeping is repetitive and you need regular cleaning to keep your home fresh. For me the decluttering has kind of fallen off so daily tasks can get done. With Konmari I’ll get the decluttering out of the way right away so that I can deep clean right after (maybe do a Konmari type deep clean) and maintenance will follow. A word of caution – don’t neglect dailies while doing any method. You still need to eat, need clean clothes, daily kitchen and bathroom clean, and floors. If you don’t have any routines at all start with Flylady.

With Flylady you discard stuff but with Konmari you add another step – you thank those items for serving you before you discard them. Some people might think this is New Age hooey, but I will disagree. Thanking things for their service is gratitude and if you don’t have a spirit of gratitude then not much is going to bring you joy. This brings me to another quote I love from Sheryl Crow’s song “Soak Up the Sun”:

It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.

If you aren’t happy with what you already have, then chances are you’re not going to be happy with what you think you want to have either. Start with getting rid of the things that don’t serve you and leave only what you do love. And make do with that for awhile. You will probably find that you don’t need what you think you do and a new lifestyle will emerge. Both Flylady and Konmari teach these things.

I think I’ll stop there because really those are the main differences for me and I don’t want to go into some big thesis on all the differences. The main thing is, I want my house cleaner NOW and Flylady will take more time. Like I said above, I’ve been doing Flylady 20 years and I’m kind of back where I started so it’s time to do something more intense. I’m giving the Eight Week Tidy Challenge Marie Kondo has on her website a go. It’s a daily step by step of her method to get your home in order.

So, there you have it – it’s a new year and it’s time to really get some change going in my life too. I was going to do that last year and then 2020 derailed me. In reality I probably could have done all I wanted to in my home, but somehow it didn’t happen. No more of that – let’s get going and get our homes (and lives) in order so we have more time for living instead of cleaning or even being embarrassed by our homes. Life is too short for that.

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Reading Past and Present

January 12, 2021

Let’s start with 2020 – I managed to read at least 26 books (that’s how many I logged), but it may have been higher. I have a tendency to take a bunch of books out of the library, partially read them that day during our tea party, and then forgetting what I took out. And if I do read something I forget to log it. Even so, that’s two books a month so it was not a bad reading year.

This year I thought about doing a reading challenge which was kind of fun last year, but the one I did last year is more complicated this year so I don’t think I’ll be doing that. Some years I’ve set a theme for the year for books to read, and I had an idea for that, but stuff happened and I don’t feel like it now. One thing I would like to do is read through some of the Sonlight cores that we got partially through when we were homeschooling but didn’t quite make it through. Most of those are at least a one year plan so I would need to start now to get through the year. The Core 5 – Eastern Hemisphere – is my personal favorite so I might start there. It would be a way to go back to learn some history that I didn’t learn when I was in school. Most schools focus almost entirely on American history but you need the whole world history picture to understand most of what is going on today. It’s one of the reasons I chose to homeschool – a more rounded education.

Now, for spiritual reading, I’m back in “Reading Your Way To Heaven” Year 3 after my Advent devotional in December. I’m in Psalms now, reading the Catechism about the liturgy and sacraments, and for spiritual reading it’s “The Lord” by Romano Guardini. That last book is going to be a long one and will take me through Easter if not slightly beyond so it will mesh with the church year. In fact it meshes so well that I read the chapter on Jesus’ baptism on the Sunday where we celebrate that! And, despite the length of the book, it’s not super deep.

And that’s where my reading is at right now. After my siblings and I get through the process of closing out Mom’s house, I’ll be able to have more time to read and maybe by then I’ll have an idea of what I want to read this year. I’ll keep you posted. Happy Reading!

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Rocky Start to the New Year

January 11, 2021

And hasn’t it been for us all? Seems like 2020 just keeps rolling along. It’s going to be awhile, I think, before we can actually exhale and feel like we’re in a new year.

My Christmas was okay except for the gas leak on Christmas – no joke – Christmas DAY!! So we had no heat or hot water until that was fixed three days later and then had to wait an extra day for it all to be turned on by the gas company due to a snafu on their end. It was not fun.

That week was also the week my mother’s health starting to decline and she passed away a week ago. It’s been a rough go with funeral arrangements, the wake and funeral, and my siblings and I beginning the process of going through mom’s stuff. It’s all so weird and surreal and I can’t even begin to process it all.

And two days after my mom passed away, we had major house repairs due to all the gas lines under the house needing to be replaced (think old and rusting out). We went an alternate route and we couldn’t be happier. It’s the beginning of a long process that we may or may not finish but at least it’s started.

On the flip side, cleaning up my mom’s house (and the plumbers trying to get to places with my stuff in the way at my place) has made me realize that I need to work on my own messes for my kids’ sakes and my own comfort. So, it’s back to my 3X5 card system and decluttering this year.

I also decided to streamline my skincare system and get some actual advice through a newish company called Hello Ava. It’s like Stitch Fix in the fact that it’s a computer algorithm to determine the products you need. However, unlike Stitch Fix, you also get a chat with someone from their company to walk you through your recommendations and explain how to use the products. I was lucky enough to get Kathleen who is one of their main estheticians and who is also close to my age. So far so good – I’ll keep you posted.

And I’ve lost weight since last August for a total loss (so far) of 11 pounds! My pants are starting to fall off which means I’m going to need some new things soon. Of course, it’s easier said than done since we’re still in covid season so I’ll probably just grab the belt I have and make do until I can find something online or get out and try stuff on again.

SO, I think that’s all my updates. I need to also make writing a priority for this year and I’d also like to post one picture a day on Instagram as a review of the year, and scrapbooking, blah, blah, blah. Of course I’ve made those statements many times before but maybe I can really make them happen. Remember – Do or do not – there is no try. Thank you Master Yoda.

Happy New Year everyone – let’s do what we can to make it a good one for ourselves and those around us. Cheers!

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