Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Hibernation Update

January 27, 2019

As my hibernating month comes to a close (during one of the coldest weeks of the season – ha!) I thought I’d let you know how it went.

First of all, I couldn’t read any self help books. Every time I started one I’d feel all agitated and uneasy, so I just decided not to read any for the month.  I think I’ve read too many and I’ve reached my limit. It’s time I made my own choices and decided what is best for me and how I’m living my life.

I’ve also kind of not bought much this month either – stuck to using my beauty stash and tossing out what didn’t work. That said, I did make a small Sephora purchase yesterday because I needed to get my birthday gift and also they had a trial size of a new Fresh moisturizer I couldn’t resist. Both of those have turned out well. I really need some new foundation but I’ll use what I have first. Then I might actually go to Ulta or Sephora and get some help with that.

Because of the house problems we had and the amount of strangers filing through my house, I decided I really needed to step up my household routines once and for all. I have decluttered a bunch of stuff and realized I need to do detailed cleaning and that I should have been doing it for awhile. Oh well – better late than never.

The one thing that stands out starkly is the fact that I need to do something with my time. Three kids are in school and one is working so I’ve got a lot more free time than I’m used to having. While I’m enjoying my down time I’m also bored. That means it’s time to do something like that DIY college plan I’ve thought about for the last 3 years. Or maybe look into actual daytime classes. Or work towards getting a job.  Doors are starting to open and while it is scary, it’s exciting too.

So, it’s been a nice bit of downtime but I’m ready to crawl out of the cave and move forward. Because you know the past is over and we’re not moving in that direction or at least we shouldn’t be. I tend to do that, but it’s time to stop. I need to accept what’s over and done with and move on. Maybe I stay stuck because I’m scared of the future, but I won’t know what lays ahead unless I go there. All I know is that time has marched on without me in some way and I’m feeling a little left behind.  It’s time for a change whether small or large.

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Stop Apologizing – Be Thankful

January 7, 2019

We’re hoping to get the house mess fixed this week. I went last week to talk to the restoration company about it and I kept apologizing that their employees were going to have to clean this crap up. I keep being told, “it’s their job”. Well yeah, but I feel bad – I mean not my doing but for you I’m so sorry. What in the ever loving what am I doing here??!!

First off – I didn’t cause the mess. Second – I called them to help and they are going to. Third – All I need to say is, “Thank you so much for helping us out in our time of need – we truly appreciate it!” And then let them do their job. End of story. And it should be a happy ending when we get all this stuff fixed. And I’ll just be thankful and stop being sorry because they are getting paid to do the work and they are happy (mostly) to do it and get us back to normal.

So – I’m going to stop apologizing when the plumber, electrician, contractor, whoever comes out to do their work and just let them know I’m thankful for any help they can give. Their jobs are important and we need these people and apologizing may make it seem like less of a job when it’s not. Even working at McDonald’s when done well is good work. So, let’s give thanks where thanks are due and move on.

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Stuck In Time

January 4, 2019

It as been 7 years since we got out of debt – 7! And yet I feel like it hasn’t been that long. Why? I think it’s because I mentally hit a reset button every time some crisis happens. As in – have a crisis, stop making progress to deal with crisis, hit reset button and start from where you left off. All of this leads to not moving forward – especially in time. Our family has suffered a lot of different crises over the last 7 years and so there has been a lot of restarting from square one. This is not how it should be, but I’m not sure how to stop either.

I read a book last summer called “Better Than Before” by Gretchen Rubin about habits and she mentioned something called “stopping”. This usually happens after what we perceive is a short lived habit and when we stop – we don’t even feel the urge to maintain what we’ve done and then we’re back at square one. This all sounded familiar and led to my thinking about crisis management in the Oh Crap home – does it apply here? It does.

I also read in another book about how being on auto pilot shortens your life in a way – just going from one thing to another without being there so to speak. Yeah, I’ve done that too and I think that is another way I feel like I have lost time or been stuck in a weird time loop that never moves forward.

So, I need to maintain normal as much as possible during a crisis because if I don’t, I’m going to feel like I’m losing time again. I don’t want that anymore.

Edited to add: I wrote this last August when the problems were starting to mount up. That last line was something I actually did last month with this latest month – I just maintained as much normal as possible through Christmas so that we’d all feel better. It didn’t mean I pretended there was no crisis, it just meant I kept our normal routines and normal celebrations through the crisis wile waiting on getting things fixed. It really helped so I’m glad that’s what I did.

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Self Help Means Helping Yourself

January 3, 2019

OK – you all know I’m the queen of buying self help books, reading self-help articles, and not really getting anywhere with that. Well, since I’m hibernating I’ve been finding that I look to others for help with my problems. Granted, sometimes we do need that – we need counseling, or medical help, or just a good friend to talk with. However, when you look outside yourself all the time then I think it’s a problem. You’re not tuned in to your own thoughts or desires or whatever. Over the last 3 days I’ve caught myself numerous times thinking, I wonder if there’s a book, article, etc. for that. I’m sure there is, but I realized that I’m always looking outside myself and never to myself. So, every time I catch myself I just say, “no, not going there”. It’s bringing me a measure of peace.

Now, there is one area where I do need help and that is setting boundaries. I’m a mom and mom boundaries can get blurred and sometimes bleed into our kids lives if we aren’t careful. I also set the wrong boundaries up for myself sometimes so that help when I need it doesn’t get through. I keep myself from it. I think this goes right along with reading too many books and not really tuning in to my own intuition if you will and asking myself “what it is I really need right now”. Now, that may sound a bit new agey, but for me it sounds right.

So I’m going to keep turning off that desire to find outside help (except when necessary) and start tuning in to me to see if I can’t solve things myself. And I know the big things that need to be done and I need to do them. That’s enough for me for now.

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Book Report

January 2, 2019

My last reading update was at the end of October so let’s see how all that worked out.

I read the book of Isaiah and finished it on December 31st. I also read “A Plan of Life” by Fr. Roger Landry in November – it was a good book with a lot of suggestions on living out your faith each day. I also read “The Inviting Life” by Laura Calder which was actually pretty good. It’s about making your home not just a place for you and your family but for others as well. A lot of how to’s on hosting events from small to largish so I found it helpful. It might be one to get down the road. As a family we read “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” – a funny but thoughtful book on the true meaning of Christmas.

I also picked up “The Life Changing Manga of Tidying Up” which is a comic version of Marie Kondo’s book on organizing. I read it in one day and it was good. I have the original book so I’ll read that next. Some of the ideas she had was to visualize your ideal lifestyle – what comes after you get your house in order. I’ve never thought about it much but I might be more successful at this keeping house stuff if I did. Sometimes I get a glimpse of it when the house is clean and all is right with the world – it’s just a feeling but it’s a good one.

For this month I started the New Testament again. I really should read Jeremiah and the other prophets I didn’t get to, but there’s time for that at the end of the year when I finish the NT. For spiritual reading I’ve got “When Your Rope Breaks” by Steve Brown. It’s an older book, published in 1988, but the topic is not old – how to cope when things go wrong. I found it at my library book sale and the timing could not be better. It’s what I need right now. If I have time I’ll read “True Radiance – Finding Grace in the Second Half of Life” – a book for Catholic women about dealing with issues as they age. With another birthday coming up it’s a good time for that one! And, of course, my magazines. Those are always fun and inspiring.

Since we are talking about books, I have culled my shelves and pulled three bags for either Goodwill or our local library for their book sale room. This is also helping me remember what I have and that I have a lot to read before I buy another book. Although I have to say, I’ve bought books that look good and meant to read them but they got shelved. However, later on, when the time was right I was able to pick up that book and find what I needed. So, you never know. But if you do know you’re never going to read a book or read it again – pass it on to someone else.

Happy reading!

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Word for the Year?

January 1, 2019

It’s that time of year again – resolutions, goals, and words for the year. Ugh. My word for last year should have been, “seriously?”. I have even thought that maybe our luck has been crappy because I never say goodbye to the old year or greet the new one at midnight on New Year’s Eve. Nah – that’s superstitious – or is it? I don’t exactly have a gratitude attitude lately. I try, but when you get bombarded with mess after mess you tend to focus only on the negative. So, should I even pick a word for the year? Maybe. I was thinking “fruitful” which means productive. Or “faithful”? Mother Teresa always said that God doesn’t call us to be successful but faithful. “Hands” by Jewel talks about worrying being wasteful and useless when things are going bad, so maybe I should focus on worrying less. Well, that’s a no brainer. :-)

So, we’ll see. For January, as I said yesterday, the word is “hibernate” – time for taking care of me and my home – and no decision making, just pondering. So, I’ll think about a word for the year, but maybe I’ll keep it to myself if I do. Sometimes, when only you know something like that, it’s more helpful than telling the whole world.

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