Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Get Off the Bus

May 3, 2018

So, I had this dream last night about being on a bus. Actually, my kids and husband were supposed to be with me too but I never really saw them – just knew they were there. It was a nice bus, and we were travelling along nicely until we got to the bus station. This is where the bus was to be serviced and then we’d get back on. The number of the bus was something like 8B and I needed to remember it to find the bus back. However, the bus station was huge and confusing and busy and I got lost. But, then, the bus driver showed me the inside of the station and there was a lot of food – good food – that reminded me of the Ferry Building in San Francisco. I really wanted to stay but needed to get back on the bus so I didn’t miss it. When I did finally find the bus and it left the station I realized my family wasn’t there. I looked behind me in the seats we originally had and they were empty. I was sitting with a frazzled mom with 4 little kids and when I asked if I could get back out of the seat she was not happy.

Now, I looked all of this up because sometimes I feel my psyche is trying to tell me something. I had a lot of pregnancy dreams over the last 15 years, but now they have changed to travelling dreams. Buses, boats, trains – all going somewhere. I think it’s got a lot to do with my life changes of being in transition from full time mom to all my kids being in school and what am I going to do now? All the bus stuff has to do with feeling stuck, waiting for something to happen, Riding the bus means I’m going along with the crowd, and being a mom you kind of do. You’re in the mom crowd, but that’s not the crowd I’m in now with 4 adult kids and 4 teens. The bus driver means going around in circles – seems to fit the rest of the bus stuff. To dream of getting on the wrong bus means you don’t trust your own judgment. “You are conflicted between what you want and what others want for you”. Yeah – that sounds about right.

Right now I am looking forward to having all my daughters in school and carving out some time for me. I realized last night that the one piece of my life that is missing (and has been missing for a long time) is personal development. I have never felt I could do anything for myself that I really enjoyed either out of guilt or just not finding those things I would like to do. This is something I’m really going to start doing because it is way past time to do it.

There have been women in the past who developed themselves and they had large families too. They loved school and even went to college. They became writers or seamstresses or whatever. They didn’t hold themselves back or let others hold them back. This is something I’ve done and it’s time to stop. All my kids can take care of themselves – they are in process of developing their own talents which I’ve always encouraged. Me? No, no encouragment there. I have no one to do that for me either so it just dropped off the radar. Until last night.

So, this dream seems to be an extension of that and it’s time to wake up and pay attention. Scary? Yes. Needful – a thousand times yes!

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» Get Off the Bus » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Get Off the Bus

May 3, 2018

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