Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

It Doesn’t Matter

August 6, 2014

Well, okay, that’s what I keep telling myself anyway. I started about a month ago, maybe less, to tell myself this whenever self doubts started showing up. I look in the mirror and I don’t feel pretty – it doesn’t matter. Listening to Christmas music in August – it doesn’t matter. What do people think of me? Doesn’t matter because they don’t know who I am and are judging only what they see and not what they know.

The other statement that usually follows is, “No one cares” which is probably correct. I don’t look perfect? No one cares. I’m wearing SHORTS to the laundromat? No one cares. And I’m probably right. And those who do care about those superficial things to the exclusion of actually caring about someone no matter their clothing or income size, well, who cares.

And, make no mistake, I’m not saying this about everything because some things DO matter. Taking care of our health, the relationships most important to us, being kind and considerate to others (including ourselves) – those things really are important so I will not be using “it doesn’t matter” and “no one cares” there (although in my darker days it’s tempting to do so).

The results of this self talk experiment have been kind of interesting – I have more confidence when I go out into the world and if people are laughing at me behind my back so be it. It’s nothing new to me and I’m going to be ME whether anyone else likes it or not. I have no friends anyway so, again, it doesn’t matter. At my age I think I’ve earned the right to be who I am and live my life in a way that is pleasing to me.

I used to go around praying that I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew because I couldn’t deal with facing them. Or I wasn’t ready to see them – needed to lose 50lbs before I felt worthy. Now, while I would still rather not run into some people I know, when I do I know I can simply say “Hi – how are you – I’m fine” and move on without saying another word. And it’s okay.

So, when the repairman comes to (hopefully) fix the washer and dryer I can say, it doesn’t matter if my house isn’t perfect (8 people live here after all), the only thing that matters is that we get those appliances fixed because 8 people need their laundry done. It doesn’t matter if I’m on another medicine, what matters is that I’m here another 8 years to see all my kids get out of the house and on their own. It’s high time I started realize what’s really important and what isn’t so I can move forward some more.

What matters – finally – is I see that I have worth and value in my own eyes even if no one else sees it.

2 comments
Comments

On August 6, 2014 at 3:37 PM, Matt said:

Same kind of thinking applies to dating. If you make yourself look like an idiot, what does it matter? They'll either embrace you for who you are or you'll never see them again.
Of course, that line of thinking is hard to remember when you're trying to leave a good impression.

On August 7, 2014 at 1:34 PM, java_queen said:

Well, I think that some people only think they look like idiots, when in reality they are just nervous and the other person can probably see that because they are too. Just be who you are without trying to be who you think the other person wants you to be because you don't even know what that is anyway. Don't be like me and apologize for every perceived wrong - not a good thing. Just act natural. Not caveman-like - natural.

As humans our brains do tend to make first impressions without us even realizing it sometimes and it's worth getting to know a person before you toss out any idea of another date or friendship.
Okay, I'll shut up now. :-) Did you know I probably overanalyze stuff too?

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» It Doesn’t Matter » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

It Doesn’t Matter

August 6, 2014

Comments

On August 6, 2014 at 3:37 PM, Matt said:

On August 7, 2014 at 1:34 PM, java_queen said:

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