Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

I’ve Got Nothin’

October 10, 2013

Yeah, I totally forgot about doing a post today. Well, actually, I did think of one, but promptly forgot because I didn’t write it down. Yeah, senior moment and not the high school kind.

I did get out of the house today on what I’d call a “mommy date” so that was fun. It had been awhile since my neighbor and I had talked and we needed to get caught up and the lure of coffee made it even better. I ended up staying a little past time to get home to make lunch and so we ended up eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And carrot sticks. We’ll have the vegetable soup with grilled cheese sandwiches tomorrow. In other news

Steve has decided to come down with something so it looks like I’ll have a patient to take care of tomorrow as well.

And I’ve been watching loads of Peppa Pig with Becky lately. She loves pigs and has decided to go on a Peppa Pig binge which is fine. We had been watching the episodes on line, but now we’re getting Nick Jr. as a freebie this month so she gets to watch Peppa on tv. She is loving it and I have to say the show isn’t that bad and a lot of them are downright hilarious. Lots of British humor which I love.

So, that was my day. I hope I can remember what I was going to talk about tomorrow. Or maybe I should look through all those drafts I have for something suitable. At least I posted today so it’s all good. :-)

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THIS is depression

October 9, 2013

Allie Brosch is the gal behind the funny Hyperbole and a Half blog comic. A couple of years ago, she fell off the face of the internet and, when she finally surfaced, she admitted that she was severely depressed but had been trying to cope with it on her own. She did get help and is now recovering. Allie has completely nailed depression in her wonderful comic – it’s in two parts so be sure to read them in sequence. No need for me to say anymore because she said it all. Oh, and to my joy she has a new comic posted today!!! Glad to have you back Allie!! (Warning – There are a few bad words, but please don’t let that throw you off – these are so worth reading).

Adventures In Depression Part 1

Depression Part 2

And that’s my post for today – sure – the easy way out. :-)

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Music Monday – It’s Been Awhile

October 8, 2013

HA! I hadn’t thought about it until now but the title also describes how long it’s been since I’ve posted a Music Monday. I’ve thought about posting this one for a looong time, but didn’t want anyone to be horrified because the song had bad words in it. I feel like the words need to be there, that they add to the song because it’s a song of truth in how we feel. So, it’s time people. If you don’t like bad words then don’t read – you’ve been warned.

I first heard the song “It’s Been Awhile” by Staind several years ago when I was driving around town one night. I was going through a rough period of depression yet again and this song spoke to me immediately. It is a song about depression and addiction. About messing up your life over and over while addicted or angry or sad. And missing someone you love because whatever you did sent them away. Yes, all things I have done. But those are stories for another day. So, let’s get on with the review shall we?

It’s Been Awhile – Staind

And it’s been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile
Since I first saw you

And it’s been awhile
Since I could stand
On my own two feet again
And it’s been awhile
Since I could call you

Yep, after crawling out of a whole of addiction or depression and starting to face what is really going on in your life and starting to feel a little better maybe – this is what goes through your mind. Standing on your own two feet is good, but sometimes you look behind you and think, Oh Crap, what the hell happened??

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I stretched myself beyond my means

No explanation needed – self explanatory. I think we can all relate to these words. Although I usually sing the words “IS fucked up as it all may seem” because that’s what I thought they said and I personally think it fits better. Yes, I really do sing this…in the car. No, not while kids are with me. What kind of mother do you think I am anyway??

And it’s been awhile
Since I can say
That I wasn’t addicted
And it’s been awhile
Since I can say
I love myself as well

For me it’s more being able to say I wasn’t depressed or feeling hopeless. And loving myself? Still working on that, but I have definitely made progress.

And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve gone and fucked things up
Just like I always do
And it’s been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear
When I’m with you

Oh yeah, I’ve messed a lot of things up and sometimes I just couldn’t see what I was doing. Starting to really look at that now – especially since I’ve started the 12 steps (codependency that is).

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I’ve gone and fucked things up again, again

Yeah, been there done that.

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

THIS – this was my prayer for the longest time! And when I first heard these words it was like someone knew exactly how I felt or had been through this and finally said it out loud. But yes, addiction, depression, anger, etc. they HURT. They hurt physically and mentally and emotionally and often we hurt others because we’re hurting. Or we’re doing things that hurt ourselves which hurts others who care about us. (You are still with me right?)

And it’s been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry

Once we are coming into the light again and we have taken stock of what has gone on, we can go to others and say “I’m sorry”. We need to make things right somehow – if they can be.

And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve seen the way
The candles light your face
And it’s been awhile
But I can still remember
Just the way you taste

Not even going to touch this one, but it’s sad to think about someone you really cared about knowing that you really messed up the relationship and you may never have that person again. Or maybe he’s actually saying this to her to say how much he misses her. Only the writer knows for sure, but I can see both sides.

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be
I know it’s me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

I love this line because whoever is speaking is taking responsibility for themselves instead of making excuses and blaming others (as we so often do). It’s hard to do, but necessary when you see the part you played.

And it’s been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry

And we’re back around to the beginning again. I love the truthfulness of this song and I’ve always considered it mine. Well, not much else to say on that except thank you to whoever wrote it.

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Love Audrey Much?

October 7, 2013

Why yes, yes I do! Audrey Hepburn of course. Well, today I was shopping in our local bookstore and what did I find? Not one but TWO books about Audrey and both used (ie – cheap)! Did I buy them both? No, but that doesn’t mean I won’t go back for the one I didn’t get. :-) That means I’m up to three books in my Audrey collection. Here they are in the order they have come to me:

1) How To Be Lovely: The Audrey Hepburn Way of Life – A beautiful hardcover book I had pined away for a long time and my wonderful sister-in-law Jen gifted to me last year for Christmas. It is a book full of Audrey quotes on things like Happiness, Love, and (of course) Style. There are also loads of photos.

2) The Audrey 100 – This I found at Walmart on the discount table for $12. It’s a gorgeous oversized hardcover book with 100 photographs of Audrey Hepburn picked out by her husband and sons. In the back there are notes on each picture as well which makes it doubly good.

3) What Would Audrey Do – Timeless Lessons For Living With Grace And Style – This is my find today and it is a cute little pink paperback with a lot of information about Audrey but also fun things like quizzes (how well do you know Audrey) and a chart on the differences between Audrey Hepburn and Katherine Hepburn. Lots of tips too on how to live an Audrey kind of life. How fun is that!

4) So Audrey: 59 Ways To Put A Little Hepburn In Your Step – This is the one that got away but maybe not for long. It’s a sweet little book with pictures of Audrey and cute sayings to match like “Heels can bring you pain, but a ballet flat will never hurt you.” Yep, I think I’ll be going back for this one. :-)

These are books you read with a cup of tea or coffee and some chocolates on the bedside table while you lounge in bed. Or relaxing on the couch in a quiet moment. My idea of a fun time for sure.

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Saturday Night(‘s All Right For Fighting)

October 6, 2013

Sorry – I couldn’t resist remembering that old Elton John song. Yeah, I loved his music back in the day too. Waaay back in the day.

This won’t be a long post – just long enough to say that I made it through one week of doing 1 minute of marching each day! Woot – GO ME! Tomorrow I start two minutes and I’m going to start asking myself small questions like what can I do to cut down on what I eat. Or what small change can I make to eat healthier. Something like that. But we’ll worry about that tomorrow. I will say though that this whole Kaizen thing has been good for me and I think it’s going to make a big difference down the line.

In other news, that cold front came sweeping through last night with rain and a little wind and the temp this morning was 48! It was a beautiful crisp fall day and tomorrow will be more of the same. With Steve off work tomorrow and nothing else going on (yay) I plan to just take it easy. We can pick up the mess tomorrow night. :-)

Well, that’s it for today but I do hope to make a longer post about this whole Kaizen thing tomorrow because there is just so much good stuff to think over. Until tomorrow then – have a good evening everyone!

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Oh Crap – I Have To Write Another Post

October 5, 2013

I will say it has been a very busy week and tomorrow will be another busy day. The good thing? Much cooler weather is on tap for the weekend so it will be great to revel in fall with abandon. So, I’m sitting here watching the radar in case we get storm warnings and trying to get this post written. You know, ’cause I have to!

I stumbled across a B52’s concert tonight though and that was awesome! It was a performance in Athens, GA in 2011 celebrating the 34th anniversary of their first concert. Ouch. The average age of the crowd? Forty – at least. Gotta love old people concerts. :-)

I remember first being introduced to their music in 1981 when I as a senior in high school. The first album of theirs I bought was “Wild Planet” and I loved ity! The music was quirky and bright and oh so 60’s. I’ve seen that album again in a local bookstore and I might just pick it up tomorrow. The only album I currently own is “Whammy” and I bought it last year when I was pining away for “Queen of Las Vegas”. I had forgotten about “Legal Tender” and “Song For A Future Generation” and (of course) “Butterbean” . It was like a reunion of sorts to hear those songs again.

Back in the day I also owned the yellow album simply titled “B52’s”. I didn’t think it was as good as “Wild Planet” but there were some fun songs on there. “Whammy” and “Mesopotamia” were the next albums I bought and still enjoyed their music. Then I lost track of them. Kind of because I got married and kind of because they dropped off the map after Ricky Wilson died. So I was pleasantly surprised when “Love Shack” and “Roam” came out in ’89 and ’90 respectively. It was nice to have the B52’s back again. Then, I had a bunch of kids and kind of dropped off the radar of pop music for awhile.

I’ve been through a lot the last few years and one of the things I’ve done is to revisit a lot of the music I used to listen to and that has been a therapy in itself. I purchased MP3’s of “Rock Lobster”, “Party Out of Bounds”, “Private Idaho”, and “Devil In My Car” a few years ago and continue to enjoy them today. Let’s face it “Rock Lobster” is the ultimate summer party song.

Okay, that’s my post. It may be a little lame, but it’s the best tribute I can give at 10:32pm. If you haven’t listened to their music in awhile though, crack those old albums out and party on people. I think I’ll do that tomorrow.

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Books, Books, Books

October 4, 2013

I thought I’d post today about what books I am currently reading. I’ll also include the read-alouds I’m doing with the four younger kids in school since I am actually reading those.

School Read Alouds:
- The Children’s Homer by Padraic Colum
- Socks by Beverly Cleary
- Leif the Lucky by Ingri and Edgar D’Aulaire
- Augustus Caesar’s World by Genevieve Foster
Personal Reading:
- The Bible
- My Life With The Saints by James Martin, SJ
- The First Year Hypothyroidism
- One Small Step Can Change Your Life – The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer PHD
- Chosen and Cherished by Kimberly Hahn
Books I’ve Finished Reading:
- A Fine Romance by Susan Branch
- Change Your Life by Becky Tirabassi
So that’s what’s in piles around the house. What I’m really missing right now is kids coming up to me and begging me to read a favorite book like “Go Dog Go”. The only reading aloud I do is for school and that makes me sad. I miss those toddler/preschool days of cuddling up with a child and a good book.

What about you – reading anything good?

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Lucky Thirteen

October 2, 2013

Seems like only yesterday when I found out that the little one growing inside me was our long awaited daughter/sister! That is a story in itself, but suffice it to say we were so very surprised and absolutely ecstatic. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE all my boys, they give me a joy all their own. But for a mom to have a daughter, well, it’s really difficult to describe. Probably in the same way it is with fathers and sons.

Maggie is 13 today – a true teenager. I have watched her change from a child into a beautiful young woman these last three years and it’s been a wonder! On the other hand she is my first girl entering her teen years – gulp! I hope I can handle it with grace and compassion and remembrance of my own turbulent growing up years. But today, we’ll just focus on celebrating and take everything else one day at a time. She’s already had her first real cup of coffee (Caribou Decaf) and she’ll be making a chocolate cheesecake today as well.

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGGIE!! Thank you for bringing your joy, love of shopping, and love of cats into our lives – we love you so very much!!

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A Joyful Evening

October 1, 2013

I decided that since I let my blog go way too long without any posts that I would make up for it by posting every day in October. My son Matt challenged me to it and I took up the Gauntlet he threw down. :-) So begins my first post of the month.

Sunday evening was just beautiful here – clear blue skies and cool weather. Just the way fall should be. After a fullish day, I sat outside and was joined by the girls with their paper gliders. Becky and Katie had already been tossing theirs around all day in the house (the grass was wet from the previous days’ rain), but they decided to take them outside and Maggie made her own and joined them.

The gliders swooshed and swirled, loop-de-looped, and landed impeccably on the lawn. I didn’t do anything else but watch and we stayed outside for a good hour – they tossed gliders and I sat back and just enjoyed watching the show. For the first time in a long time I felt relaxed and joyful. Needless to say I grabbed my phone and snapped a few photos. A great way to end a great day.

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