Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Music Monday – It’s Been Awhile

October 8, 2013

HA! I hadn’t thought about it until now but the title also describes how long it’s been since I’ve posted a Music Monday. I’ve thought about posting this one for a looong time, but didn’t want anyone to be horrified because the song had bad words in it. I feel like the words need to be there, that they add to the song because it’s a song of truth in how we feel. So, it’s time people. If you don’t like bad words then don’t read – you’ve been warned.

I first heard the song “It’s Been Awhile” by Staind several years ago when I was driving around town one night. I was going through a rough period of depression yet again and this song spoke to me immediately. It is a song about depression and addiction. About messing up your life over and over while addicted or angry or sad. And missing someone you love because whatever you did sent them away. Yes, all things I have done. But those are stories for another day. So, let’s get on with the review shall we?

It’s Been Awhile – Staind

And it’s been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile
Since I first saw you

And it’s been awhile
Since I could stand
On my own two feet again
And it’s been awhile
Since I could call you

Yep, after crawling out of a whole of addiction or depression and starting to face what is really going on in your life and starting to feel a little better maybe – this is what goes through your mind. Standing on your own two feet is good, but sometimes you look behind you and think, Oh Crap, what the hell happened??

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I stretched myself beyond my means

No explanation needed – self explanatory. I think we can all relate to these words. Although I usually sing the words “IS fucked up as it all may seem” because that’s what I thought they said and I personally think it fits better. Yes, I really do sing this…in the car. No, not while kids are with me. What kind of mother do you think I am anyway??

And it’s been awhile
Since I can say
That I wasn’t addicted
And it’s been awhile
Since I can say
I love myself as well

For me it’s more being able to say I wasn’t depressed or feeling hopeless. And loving myself? Still working on that, but I have definitely made progress.

And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve gone and fucked things up
Just like I always do
And it’s been awhile
But all that shit seems to disappear
When I’m with you

Oh yeah, I’ve messed a lot of things up and sometimes I just couldn’t see what I was doing. Starting to really look at that now – especially since I’ve started the 12 steps (codependency that is).

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem
The consequences that I’ve rendered
I’ve gone and fucked things up again, again

Yeah, been there done that.

Why must I feel this way?
Just make this go away
Just one more peaceful day

THIS – this was my prayer for the longest time! And when I first heard these words it was like someone knew exactly how I felt or had been through this and finally said it out loud. But yes, addiction, depression, anger, etc. they HURT. They hurt physically and mentally and emotionally and often we hurt others because we’re hurting. Or we’re doing things that hurt ourselves which hurts others who care about us. (You are still with me right?)

And it’s been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry

Once we are coming into the light again and we have taken stock of what has gone on, we can go to others and say “I’m sorry”. We need to make things right somehow – if they can be.

And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve seen the way
The candles light your face
And it’s been awhile
But I can still remember
Just the way you taste

Not even going to touch this one, but it’s sad to think about someone you really cared about knowing that you really messed up the relationship and you may never have that person again. Or maybe he’s actually saying this to her to say how much he misses her. Only the writer knows for sure, but I can see both sides.

And everything I can remember
As fucked up as it all may seem to be
I know it’s me
I cannot blame this on my father
He did the best he could for me

I love this line because whoever is speaking is taking responsibility for themselves instead of making excuses and blaming others (as we so often do). It’s hard to do, but necessary when you see the part you played.

And it’s been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile
Since I said I’m sorry

And we’re back around to the beginning again. I love the truthfulness of this song and I’ve always considered it mine. Well, not much else to say on that except thank you to whoever wrote it.

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» Music Monday – It’s Been Awhile » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Music Monday – It’s Been Awhile

October 8, 2013

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