Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Seeking Friendship

July 18, 2012

So yesterday I decided to try Audible out – you know the place where you buy a membership and get audio books? Amazon had a link to two free Audible books and a 30 day trial membership so I decided to see if a couple books I’ve been looking at were there. They were! One of them is “MWF Seeking BFF” – a book about friends and friendship. Specifically about how to find a friend and how the author put an ad in the paper to find one. I’ve been wanting to read it for awhile, but just couldn’t make the leap. After all, the author is like in her 20’s and I’m in my 40’s. The friendship boat sailed for me years ago, and try as I might I seem to not be able to find anyone who I connect with.

After losing my BFF to the realization she had a busy life and I didn’t fit in it, and jumping out of a toxic relationship, I decided to just stop trying altogether. It was just too hard and I was so depressed and needed to focus on myself. However, I made a few online friendships after awhile, but even those have not turned out as expected. Everyone else seems to have a ton of friends who they get together with regularly, so I just do not fit in. I have children, but while 3 have left the nest, I still have 5 at home. So, I don’t fit in with the young mommies like I see at the reading program Mondays. And I don’t fit in with the moms who have completely empty nests and have more freedom than I do. So, I’m thinking of how I can find another like minded woman who I can connect with. I was thinking this book may help with that.

At my age I don’t know how I’ll do this – one start is to find outside interests for myself. I used to want to take cake decorating classes but they always fell on my husband’s bowling night so that was out. I love to write and was thinking that maybe a writing class or two might be good. Not sure if our local college or tech school has anything I could go to, but maybe I’ll see. Maybe I should hang out at Starbucks on Sunday afternoons and see who shows up :-).

I feel like I’ve missed something because I spent time with my children and taking care of them instead of taking care of me. I thought I was being selfless but maybe I wasn’t doing myself any favors by not having relationships of my own. On the other hand, I just haven’t had time. In the book, she talks about the period of time between your 20’s and 40’s when your job, your marriage, and your kids suck up your life and time for friends or nurturing friendships just isn’t there. I think that’s true. But what about when you come out of that tunnel? Is there any opportunity left for you to go out and find new friends?

So, I’m listening to this book and am going to see if I can figure out a way to find new friends of my own. And not seem too needy or too eager to jump in (a regular problem I have), but take the time to let something flourish if it’s going to happen. I need to stop thinking of friendships in the old way when I was in elementary or even junior high – I’m grown up now. But how do grown up friends behave? Sometimes, just like elementary or junior high girls. But sometimes you get lucky and find someone who you really connect with and the relationship takes off when you least expect it. Maybe I even need to start with what kind of a friend I’m looking for. Although it’s not something we really think about – mostly when a relationship clicks we’re in.

Well, whatever happens I’m going to try to be brave and get out there. My life is changing rapidly – my nest is emptying and a new decade is approaching. It’s time to do some growing.

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» Seeking Friendship » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Seeking Friendship

July 18, 2012

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