Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Music Monday

May 21, 2012

I was watching “The Way” – a movie about a pilgrimage on the Way of St James – and there was this song called “Thank U” in it. So, I looked up the lyrics and really listened to it. Especially after hearing the commentary about it being a controversial song. :-) This is a song about an epiphany and for Alanis Morissette it seems to have been just that. Come with me and I’ll show you what I mean.

how bout getting off these antibiotics

how bout stopping eating when I’m full up

how bout them transparent dangling carrots

how bout that ever elusive kudo

Okay – the line I most identify with here is the stopping eating when I’m full up. Yeah – I’m a stress eater so I can eat and eat when I’m stressed. So, I like this line that says, let’s try stopping the eating when I’m full. How about we try doing that. It’s like she’s thinking of a different way of living that she hadn’t thought of before. Let’s begin here – with this.

thank you india

thank you terror

thank you disillusionment

thank you frailty

thank you consequence

thank you thank you silence

Before anyone has a fit about thanking terror, it’s not about what you think it is. It’s about thanking the terror we have felt because it’s made us face fears and made us better for it – know what I mean? Thanking India is about a trip that Alanis Morissette took in 1997 to India and she wrote this song after that. Like I said, she obviously had an incredible epiphany on that trip – maybe even a spiritual epiphany.

Back to the lyrics here. Again, disillusionment, frailty, consequence can actually be good things in the big scheme of our lives if we can only see behind us and how they have shaped us for the better. Sometimes we have to be broken before we can heal – frailty. And of course, silence is always a good thing. I have a hard time cultivating silence within my soul, but I do love sitting in the dark in the morning praying and contemplating my life and the day ahead. Silence and solitude are things we all need in our lives, but they are hard to practice.

how bout me not blaming you for everything

how bout me enjoying the moment for once

how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you

how bout grieving it all one at a time

This set of lyrics speak to me the most starting with me not blaming you for everything. Sometimes it’s been God, sometimes other people in my life. Sometimes myself. I have realized though that some things are just part of life and need to be accepted. Obviously some things are of my own making and we all have those times. The harder stuff I don’t understand why it happened, but I have to believe that God is working some good through it all. So, let’s stop the blaming and the arguing and the bitterness we hang on to and let go and forgive and move on.

How about me enjoying the moment for once. Often, often, I am so paralyzed with anxiety and fears in certain situations that enjoyment goes right out the window. One Sunday, I went out of town and bummed around with my two older boys. I was wondering if I should really go and then I heard that line as I was listening to the song and I just let go and enjoyed and it was good. It is something I haven’t quite conquered yet, but I’m getting there.

Forgiveness is not for the person we need to forgive – it’s for US. It makes us feel better and makes the bitterness and hatred go away and it does feel good when we finally can get to that point. It is a release and healing can really begin once we take that step to forgive. Sometimes it takes time to get to that point, but we need to get to that point for our own sake.

Grieving it all one at a time – still chewing on this one. Maybe it means taking each thing in our life and grieving for it the way we need to but just one thing at a time. For so many of us in recovery from depression there are alot of things we need to grieve over and sometimes it seems like we should just do it all at once, but we can’t. Take each item and work through it, grieve it, accept it, and move on. One item at a time and one day at a time.

the moment I let go of it

was the moment I got more than I could handle

the moment I jumped off of it

was the moment I touched town

Ah, letting go of whatever we need to let go of often brings more in our lives – more good things – than we could imagine. It breathes new life in our souls and our lives and we can finally be free of so much junk. One of my favorite books is Melody Beattie’s “Language of Letting Go”. Letting go takes time as we make our way through healing. It’s gradual, but it does happen.

how bout no longer being masochistic

how bout remembering your divinity

how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out

how bout not equating death with stopping

No longer being masochistic – no longer beating yourself up over things. Mostly small things that you turn over in your mind a hundred times. I have actually stopped a lot of this and it is so good to not do it anymore! I still do occasionally, but it is another thing I am finally leaving behind.

Remembering your divinity – both the divinity of God and of ourselves for we are all made in the image and likeness of God and therefore we all deserve respect from other people, and especially OURSELVES! So remember your divinity – you are a child of God and loved in an extraordinary way.

Unabashedly bawling your eyes out – I love this one because sometimes it’s just what we need to do. For a long time every Sunday at church I’d cry. I cried for two years after my breakdown in 2008. Someone told me it was a long time to cry, but I don’t think so. I had waited too long trying to keep everything in. There is no shame in crying and we all need to do it at various times in our lives. Again – it is a healing thing.

Death isn’t the end. For believers, our souls do not stop at death – it is simply another beginning. For those left behind they have to move on as well. Some people stop and hold on to their loved ones, but they need to accept and go forward. It is a very hard thing and I have experienced it too so I know the feelings and how hard it is to let go.

thank you india

thank you providence

thank you disillusionment

thank you nothingness

thank you clarity

thank you thank you silence

Ah, and here we have the last refrain – she adds thanking nothingness and clarity to the list. Nothingness – hmm – I get it but it’s hard to explain. In our weakness we have strength. In our nothingness we are somebody simply by being. We bring our “nothingness” to God and he makes something of it.

Thank you providence – I looked up providence. It means, “the foreseeing care and guidance of God over the creatures of the earth”, “a manifestation of divine care or direction.” Yes, thank you providence because without your care I probably couldn’t have even taken care of myself sometimes. And clarity – ah glorious clarity – when we finally see what we need to see and we finally understand it.

So, that’s my take on this song. Give it a listen and see what you think.

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» Music Monday » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

Music Monday

May 21, 2012

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