Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

I’m sorry, that number is busy…

September 21, 2011

I know, a mom with 8 kids (7 still at home) should have a lot more time to write on her blog right? Good thing I’m unperfect :-).

I have been in a whirlwind of activity for months now it seems and I can’t find time to just think or be or whatever I feel I need to do for myself right now. I feel like there are so many other things needing my attention, but most of that is stuff that really does need to be done. Others, not so much. I guess I need to learn the fine art of prioritizing and delegating. Delegating I’m not good at, but for the sake of my kids and when they move out of the house, I need to start practicing that one more. So, I’m thinking and processing right now…

The Fashion Show I Was In

It was fun! It was also eye opening to see this fat body I find myself in on camera. As in a video of me strutting my stuff. I will write a whole post about this as I process it, but it’s given me much to think about in many ways. I will say that at the first store (yes, we had to do this at two stores), after doing my thing and I turned around, there were tears in my eyes. Three years ago – heck, even ONE year ago – I could never have done this and it was a big big step in my journey of healing myself. It was worth it for that one moment of “YAY – I did it!”

My Teaching

I am reading a book on helping kids write and it is wonderful – so many great ideas! I realize it is primarily for the teacher in a public or private school, but I think it can be a goldmine of help for a mom who teaches her own kids too. I also like the way this teacher really asks her students questions to help them think through what they are writing.

I feel like I’m getting ready to make the leap to be a better teacher to my kids – to help them learn and think and grow. I think overall I do a good job, but the last few years I feel like I’ve not done as good a job as I could have. I am needing to look more at what I do and how I do it and make changes where they need to be made.

My Children

My oldest has left the nest and is making his way through the world. He is growing in so many ways and it is hard to watch sometimes. I remember being on my own and not having a clue whatsoever what to do with my life. I’m happy to say that he is not that way and has really thought about all the choices he has and is making. I’m really proud of you Matt!! *blowing nose*

My oldest daughter is growing up too. She is changing from a child into a young woman with all that it entails. There is a lot of work to do together as she is going to need help navigating the waters of a changing body and changing emotions. I hope that I can do a good job of supporting her.

On the downside, I also have the pre-teen boy/girl bickering going on *sigh*…yeah, not so fun.

My Life

I’m doing some looking at who I am and where I’m going to be in 10 years when the youngest chicks leave the nest. Ten years – it may seem long to those of you who have babies or toddlers because potty training and the tantrums seem to be never ending. Take heart, but also beware, they do grow out of all that! Children grow from stage to stage and we help them through it all. Then, the day comes when all that work comes to fruition and they leave and you hope that you gave them all they need for their life. But of course we don’t! There are many things they simply have to learn on their own and we have to start mastering letting go. And then its, what do I do with myself now?? We need to think about that from time to time.

So, I’m thinking, where will I be in 10 years (if I’m still around)? WHO will I be in 10 years? Who am I now? Sometimes I feel I have no idea who I am! I feel like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride when she realizes she doesn’t even know what kind of eggs she likes because she always ordered whatever the boyfriend du jour did! I feel like I’ve gone through much of my life like that, trying to be like other people, doing what pleases others, and so on. What do *I* really like – what do *I* really want? I’m 48 years old so maybe it’s time for that “mid-life crisis” but I think this is generally the time when we do think on these things.

I am thinking it might be fun to teach for a living, I could do that, but I’ll be 58 years old by then. What would the point be? Five years of teaching? Is that a career?

It is a LOT to think about because I’ve never given it any thought. I’ve never got beyond thinking about where my kids are in their growing up to what will I do with my life when they have left the nest. My good counselor told me a couple of years ago that I needed to think about it soon because the time will be here quick enough.

My Time

Here again, how do I need to spend it and how do I want to spend it. I guess this is where I take my priority list and start filling in. I was also thinking just now of a new list – things to “keep” and things to “let go”. Scrapbooking may be one of those let go things. I was going to do Project Life and I sort of started, but choosing the pictures and what to say is just so overwhelming for me. I think that should be my sign and give up any illusion that scrapbooking is something for me.

I’m thinking of a weekend away from home next month – God knows I could really use one! What to do with that time though – another thing to decide. Life is never automatic is it? While I do agree that routine for housework and kid stuff is necessary, other things can be quite flexible. However, when you find you have too many decisions to make, maybe it’s time to simplify? I don’t know, so I’m contemplating that too.

My body

This is another one of those I need time to do it things. Right now I feel like I have no time to really put into eating more mindfully which is what I need to do. I eat and it doesn’t register even sometimes. Or I look at the food and think – bleh. I need to get right with food and that is going to take time.

Okay, this is getting long, but I needed to write some stuff out and my blog is a place to do that so that’s what I’m doing today :-).

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» I’m sorry, that number is busy… » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

I’m sorry, that number is busy…

September 21, 2011

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