Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

thirtysomething – Episode 11

December 12, 2010

Today I’m going to talk about Episode 11 – Therapy. This is one of my all time favorite episodes, and I think a lot of therapists back in the day liked it too. In fact, I believe they used many episodes in their practices to help others gain insights into their relationships. Watching it again now that I’m older, I can see why. It has opened up more for me as well. Do listen to the commentary on this episode – Patricia Wettig, Ken Olin, and Timothy Busfield do the honors and it’s very interesting and entertaining.

Episode 11 – Therapy – In the commentary, Patricia Wettig says that this episode is all about secrets and it is. It is the secret of Nancy and Elliot’s marriage being in the toilet and going to therapy for help in a last ditch effort to save the marriage, and the secret of Ellyn’s tatoo on her butt. It’s also about how we keep those secrets and wonder in the end if they are worth the keeping.

My favorite line in the whole show is this:

Nancy: I don’t work, I stay at home with the kids.

Therapist: It’s work.

Nancy: Yeah, well, but you know what I mean.

Right out of the gate Nancy is saying that what she does isn’t as important as her husband’s work because she doesn’t get a paycheck. The therapist (and whoever wrote this episode) is absolutely correct – it IS work. Being a wife and a mother IS work even if we don’t punch a timeclock (which we’d never get around to clocking out on ’till the kids were 18 anyway. Maybe.).

Elliot is trying to make light of the whole situation saying that Nancy thinks things are bad and he doesn’t, blah, blah, blah. Too bad he can’t be really honest about how he feels and get honest about his responsibilities in the marriage. He has to take the long way to figure it out and almost loses Nancy in the process.

Personally, I think Nancy was right – Elliot did want to be a little boy and have all the fun stuff for himself and have sex just as sex for fun instead of it being the intimate thing that it is. He loved his children, but wasn’t really tuned in. He might have loved Nancy, but he loved himself more. Nancy was all caught up in being a mom and losing herself in the process, as happens to a lot of us, and now she is at a stage in her life where’s she’s trying to figure out who she is and what she wants and how she fits into all of that. I’ve been there too and I’m still figuring things out.

Later on, Nancy tries to do what Elliot wants her to do – look sexy, ask about his day – but he’s not biting. Later on, in the bedroom, he asks why she never shaves her legs anymore – talk about a mood killer!! She shakes her head and gets up and leaves the room and he’s wondering what he did – yeah, as if! It will take awhile for Elliot to realize that being single isn’t what it’s cracked up to be anymore and that he really does love Nancy and embrace all that marriage is.

On the subject of Ellyn’s tatoo, Michael doesn’t think anything of telling Gary and Eliott about it and telling them not to say anything. As the gossip makes the rounds it comes back to Ellyn at a party at which time she blows up at Michael for spilling the beans in the first place. It is so hard to know what to tell people and when and what not to say and when to hold back. In Ellyn’s case though, she knew everyone and the secret never left the safety of their circle, so in that respect it worked out okay. I’m certainly not condoning Michael telling his buddies, but at least he didn’t tell just anyone. In the end, Ellyn tells her boyfriend who thinks it’s cool and she realizes that it’s all okay and nothing to worry about.

That’s my take on this episode. I think I’ve missed talking about a couple of others, and I’ll go back and see which ones. It may mean re-watching those episodes, but who cares? It’s thirtysomething!!

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» thirtysomething – Episode 11 » Oh Crap! – Musings of an Unperfect Mommy

thirtysomething – Episode 11

December 12, 2010

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